Mars: Poems

831 · Jul 2014

Now

Mars Jul 2014

Now

This year
my Brain ****** me over
my Brain warred against itself
my Brain tried to **** me and I felt like it succeeded

Now I have bruises on my hands
and scars lining my body
and scars lining my psyche
and

Now I know that recovery is accepting myself as broken
I felt ******* crazy
and sanity is not in my vocabulary
but neither is self-destruction,
now.

My brain's gonna come for me again, I know it. Next time I wont be a bottle ready to blow. I Hope.

#self #harm #anxiety #dysphoria #mania

481 · Mar 2014

"that one day in march that gives you hope"

Mars Mar 2014

"that one day in march that gives you hope"

Its a cold evening and I'm walking up the street
I can't remember
what I thought
but now
I'm not thinking, I'm knowing
that the sky is that perfect shade of blue
and i'm walking up the street

in every other possible reality this must have happened
I feel perfect and happy and whole
for the first time in a long time
too long a time

the sky was blue-gray like a sunrise
even though its night time
and then i felt like nothing was ending and everything was starting
and i felt so big

270 · Mar 2014

All in my head

Mars Mar 2014

All in my head

everything that has been holding me
back has really been nothing at all

those chains are paper and
those ropes are untied

but freedom does not become me.

— The End —