Don’t circle back
Nor derail off the track
When you come around
Seeking
The answers I lack
For to be
Is to think yourself
Universe-centered
And few could but fathom
The others I’ve entered
Demented
And tempted
By lovers lamented
Extents to which most
Only ghost me
Preventing

I’m thrashing
And moshing
And flailing around
On my blades
Like a stray
Rabid dog in a pound
Like I’m not in control
Of my feet on the ground
And I hammer it down
A clenched fist
Of the left
And deflect
Away bullets
Still visiting death
Upon youth of the nation
Our future,
Our pride,
And I silently roar out
The anger inside
Let the wind in my eyes
Hide the liquidized
Pain
And then bang on the drums
In my
Morning migraine
All the while
My cardiac
Under arrest
I refuse to take rest
Until this is expressed
So let muses
And Titans
And furies
Converge
And confer
Upon me
Metal gods
To secure
Today’s victory,
Triumph,
Prevail over all
For henceforth
And forever
The empires fall

Need something stronger
A little bit longer
To last
When I’m passed
The returning to
Older me versions
I stashed
In a baggy of buggy
Feel creepy and crawly
Bizarre human oddity
God in its folly

Just leave me some other
Lifeline
In decline
I don’t care about money
Just keeping what’s mine
Since I know that I earned it,
I burned it
And spurned it
Rejected inheritance
Merits
And turned it
All into
A big
Ashen pile
Of cash
And then patched it all up
When I needed it back

She only exists
In the app
Other world
As of now
Can’t be sure
She is even a girl
But her genuine
Words are heartfelt
And sincere
And each day I look forward
To having her here
On this phone,
On this screen
As of now
Just a dream
In the meantime
Becoming my
Daily routine
To engage
And write letters
A digital age
Sort of courtship
Attempt
To find love far away

This ones about her
Never were
Quite together
The girl I could say nothing to
And upset her
No better for it
Left with nothing to show
And now haunted I drown
In her overshadow
But I take away nights
I could write her
Illumined
Exhumed
From her echoing chambers
Entombed in
The trauma,
The drama,
The anger
Consuming
Us both
Without hope
We were just passing through
She was seeking subordinates,
People to use
I romanticized
Her broken heart
As my muse
But still couldn’t add up
All the factors divided
To solve the equation
With secrets confided
Can only sustain
The facade for so long
For we both preferred love
Buried in a sad song

Don’t take it personal
Versed in rejection
It’s like they expect
A Prince Charming
Perfection
A text or two
Too much to ask
I guess, right?
You’re too busy
I get it,
Forget it,
Goodnight
It was so nice to meet
Alter ego you
Screening
Each struggle for power
Has some deeper meaning
We know what we want
Of course
Only one thing
A committed,
Submitted,
Indefinite fling

Edge of depravity
Habits
Are forming
I’m working
In circles
My night
Is the morning
And more
Appeals only
To substance abuse
My ambition
Is solely
Not yet to the noose
For tomorrow
Might see her
Appear on my screen
In some semblance
Of my
Serendipity dream

Remnants of
The overvoid
My life in ruins
Search destroyed
Employed for now
The tide is rising
All the other me’s
Disguising
In benign
Behind the mask
And still with tact
I teach the class
Can’t grasp
The concept
Seems bereft
Of all makes sense
I am the left
Adept in method
Head parades
Returning home
From my crusades
I bade farewell
Expelling daily
Agents of lament
Unmade me
Never saved a soul
At peace
Just wrote it like
The Ancient Greeks

Felt it for you again
Sitting here in the den
When the wolves are most restless
Inside of my head
And I spend,
And I blend,
And I bend
Over lower
Go slower
Stone ronin
Embolden
My woe
Growing older
But know
I wrote vows
To beholder
Some day
In the once
And hence
Firmaments
Battlements
Clad in the metal
Shell hell
To invoke her
No emotions
In my soul
That could
Wholeheartedly
Revoke her
How I wrote her
Broker
Joker
Loopy-looping
Roller coaster
Now she echoes in
The cognizance
Admonishments
To ghost her

Keep training the people
To think we’re the greatest
Indoctrinate,
Inculcate,
Set the trend’s latest
Affirmed validation
Our culture is king
And to every shore corner
We’ll let freedom ring
Long as it’s
In the image
Of Liberty lavish
Adorned in the tragic
Gun massacre
Ravaged
Her body
A temple
To tyrants
And violence
Her rights are stripped bare
In her battle-scarred silence
Still wears
Only finest
Sweat-shopping spree
Charity
Refuse seas rising
Behold her disparity’s
Glaringly obvious
Lack of transparency
Winning forever wars
Losing herself
Till she can’t feed her babies
What’s left on the shelf
When it costs her
Exhausts her
To work just to live
For the rest of the world
Nothing more she can give
Except billions in aid
To sustain
Genocide
Still her beauty prevails
As she’s dying inside

Always something
Missing there
Standing in the way
Affair
She’s gone
And gone
And gone
And gone
They either drag
Or lead me on
Attraction always
Missing piece
Their outlook always
Lacking peace
As I
Have reimagined it  
They’d rather stare
In silence sit
As if I was
Somehow amusing
Like some crass
Class clown
Confusing
What I wanted
Out of this
With someone
I goodnightly
Kiss
But seldom miss
Or long to hold
Together
Never
Growing old

Cadaver on the shoreline
All I’ll ever be
Decaying
All I ever wanted
With you
Was my former love
Betraying
And it’s weighing
Like an anchor
Of the memories
Forgotten
But we’ll always have the pier
And moonlight beach
To tie the knot in
But it’s not in some
Delusion funeral
Where people wed
It shall remain within
The hanging
From the days
For which we bled

Wanted you
To be happiness
Be my way out of this
Indolence
Give me a reason to try
Be the song that I sing
Be the tears that I cry
When you’re gone
Hold you close
Keep you sheltered inside
In the nights I can’t see you
Or see you replied
I would strive
To keep strengthening you
Building me
To the man that I always knew
I’d proudly be
But this image
Contingent on you
For too long
And contentment
Dependent
On nothing is wrong
Never once
Not a moment
Of discord or strife
Not an ounce of the pain
We’ve been chained to in life
All too soon
Comes to be
Nothing more
Than illusion
In shambles,
In ruins,
In shattered conclusions
For perfect girl
Was the most damaged he’d met
And with worthless boy
They only drank to forget

Cease your dream
Wandering
Stagnant
Despondency
Go and forget her
Again in disharmony
Build yourself up
Expectation’s
Gradations
Diminished to ashes
Like self-immolations
And hatred invades
Mental illness pervades
And we wade through
The witch of us
Got the best grades
There’s still slaves
At these raves
And you’re trying to change me
Still people in chains
But you’re trying to save me
Reframe me in some
More idyllic potential
But I only bend
If this ****’s elemental
A level I’ve weathered
Like severed headstone
In empyrean storms
Never further from home
So prescribe,
Analyze,
Rectify
What is flawed
I’m a human conditioned
To be the outlawed
For my presence alone
Lingers on like a clue
And my resonance
Revenants
Still plot the coup

Valiant effort
Best attempt
Most often
Only yields
Lament
So I write again
Why try
To make some sense
Before we die
Regardless of how monumental
Were our triumphs
Or potential
All in time
Inconsequential
All will fade
Forgotten
Lost
No impact made
Equates the cost
Or justifies
A moment’s sorrow
Nor invigorates
Tomorrow  
Even if I wake
Begrudging
Walking dead
Dreadful curmudgeon  
Is what I’ll appear to be
Embrace the all-encompassed me

Decline the sky,
Embrace abysses
Where the squids
And whales
Do business
All the riches,
Plunder,
Spoils
Hell beneath us
Cracks and boils
Shores erode
Before my eyes
And deeper still
My shipwreck dives
Alive, but cold
I shiver in
The maelstrom’s
Unrelenting spin
It’s been so hard
To find the one
To bask beside
Beneath the sun
But kingdom comes
For me
No queen
Save for
My consort
Seven seas

She remains
But an image
Unreachable
Distance
The once again
Just the pen’s
Favorite for instants
Insistence on trying
Just seemingly fails
Every time
Love eludes
And unbalances scales
So confusing
How one day
Your path and hers cross
And the next
Couldn’t care less,
But I grieve the loss
And bereave the departed,
The fallen
Once fond
The no longer beside me,
The physically gone
Still remind me
Interminably
In eternity
I am the drifter
Through rifts in absurdity

Not getting younger
Insatiable hunger
I feel in my bones now
The calm before thunder
Increasing
Insouciance
Elusive girl still
Unattainable
Pain
I sustain
Like a skill
And she will
Appear often
Go silent for days
Lead me on
Like a guide
But I’m trapped in a maze
And the turns that I’m taking
Make two rights a wrong
But parochial focus
Is narrow and long
And exceedingly dim
Down the walls closing in
As my love-maker rusts
Like a man made of tin
Any win
Is a loss
More misfortunate
Cost
And upon my tombstone
The word “Nothing” embossed

Can’t make her
My only good reason
For waking
For finding some semblance
Of meaning
In taking
Too much of the earth
For illusion self-worth
And this lackluster prose
Devoid even of mirth
But she makes my day
Feel
More complete
And fulfilled
And with each message sent
Overjoyed
I am thrilled
To respond then await
Formulate a response
As I anticipate
The next ghosting
It haunts

Just give me the ocean
My only last bastion
My massive
Enormity
Thralldom
Comes crashing
To swallow me whole
Then unfold
My serenity
Visions of boundless
Effulgent
Prosperity
Stretching and spanning
Horizon tomorrows
To bottle me up
In a vial of sorrows
I’ve written to her
Ever faithfully true
And submerged in her mysteries
I am deep blue

She is just wow
One I’m thinking ‘bout now
And in subsequent moments
I know she’s around
Won’t forget what she sounds like
Tenacity sweet
And I can’t even speak
Save for when our eyes meet
I’m replete with
A million dumb things I could say
But I don’t overthink it
Just let her hit play
And convey with precision
Her smile,
Her laugh,
Is my only sole mission,
My finalized draft

What comes after
Departure
From my life beyond
Overwhelms me with dread
But she will not be gone
From my head
From my heart
Mark my words
She lives on
And I cherish her memory
Dearest along

The despondent,
Impending,
Oblivion
Vast
That ensues
In her passing,
Impels me to grasp
Desperately
At her fading,
Pervading
My wavelength
I’ll still be here waiting
Delighted,
Enamored,
Ignited
I’ve stammered

To pair with her,
Share with her,
How hard I fell
As if Icarus plummeting
Under her spell
Like an elven enchantress
Divines how my mind
Will respond to the message
And mirror the vibe
Redefines what attraction
Exaction
Could be
In totality
Even the world
Less than she
Means to me

When she doesn’t answer
Romance is a cancer
No chance to convey it,
Impart it,
Display it,
Articulate,
Codify
How it’s created
So plainly
It drains me
Restrains me
Held down
By a weight
Heavy deeper,
It’s dragging me down
Always found
At least one
To do things to my mind
And fixation upon her
Within it confined

Not expectant,
Dependent,
Nor think she can mend this
Dysfunction
Defunct
Beating hunk of junk
Heart
She’s not looking for love
But still jumpstarts its parts,
Its ignition
Conditioned
To running on E
And then pumps it with
Once upon
Sincerity
Real with me,
Not a dream,
Not a fantasy
Fallacy
Balancing my
At war peace
Of mentality

Weekend away
Weakened in this new state
I feel aging
Contagion
My veins permeate
Permanent
Mental illness
Sequestered aside
For it goes undefined
But still no where to hide
The whole time
I’ve exhausted
My options
Are toxins
For fun
Has become
An impossible topic
Discussion
Just leave me alone
I’m not talking
Except to
The me’s that I’m prone
To prepare
To pretend
To prevent hitting send
Doesn’t get any sadder
Just happily end

Can’t keep on entering
Into my life
I don’t want to be vulnerable
Texting goodnight
But she makes it so easy
So seamlessly
Fluent
For once
Conversational sides
Are congruent
Not making each other the whole
Bigger picture
Just speaking their minds
As it adds to the mixture
A confluence
Coming together
The goal
I just have to see her
And the rest will unfold

This digitized age
In a monetized cage
An embarrassing stain
On my Meta verse page  
Disengage from it all
I’m ashamed to be human
If all we aspire to be
Techno Union
In ruins though still
Cities sink in the sea
And the forests consumed
By the me industry
What to gain
And possess
What to have
And to hold
As skyrocketing prices
Become a black hole
Of black gold
In demand
But supply lines
Are drawn by
Invisible hand
And command economics
Still branding the tyrants
In stoking this broken
Woke culture war
Virus
This token protest
When it ought to be
RIOTOUS
Spare me your fair-weather
Advocate piousness
Bias confirmed
Now submit to your highness
And stick to your screens,
Salivate to the violence,
Relinquish your voice
As they thrive in the silence

Willingly
Wasting it
Your time and mine
The audacity
Making it
Harder to find
Someone real
Wants to feel
Not conceal their intentions
Or rather, unsure of them
Raise apprehensions
Just stay at home,
Be alone,
Drop the phone
For I’m not just some free trial period
Loaning
My heart out to harpies
Who really don’t care
Just aware that I’m their
Favorite game
Truth or dare

Excuses
Excuses
Make me
A reclusive
Reduced to
Expecting the worst
Kind of mutant
Aberrant
Outlander
Unwelcome
Across
The whole globe
Have I strove
To belong
And get lost
Concomitantly
Constantly
Claim contradictory
Opposite views
At least two
Sides are needed
But always the one
Whose mere presence is fleeting
And then there is me
‘Bout to go unresponsive
For by
Dead of night
Silences
I am haunted

Wow she impresses
Expresses the rest of my
Leftist adherence  
Attracted to intellect
Over appearance  
Reminds me my goddess’
Gift
An add diction
Her way with words  
Music
To my mute affliction
My silence
And shyness
Her science explores
Turning my peace and quiet
To poetry roars
With inquisitive cues
Intertextual clues
Complimentary muses
With which I infuse
Best attempts
To be tempted
To mention
Dimensions
With take it slow
Get to know her
First conventions

Move swiftly beyond you
Within you
Without
No idea what I’m doing
Or talking about
Probably look like a maniac
Flailing around
Think aloud
In a shroud
Of stentorian sound
To the pounding of drums
And the shrieking of strings
To the tweaking of twangs
Comes the spreading of wings
Sing a symphony
Harmlessly
Charm passerby
I exalt the high heavens
And earth deify
Still accepting she’s gone
But can’t comprehend why
Like the rest of this life
It goes on
Out of sight
And preserving its remnants
The reason I write

Really felt
Her presence lost
Her mark upon my heart
Embossed
No longer
Only cost
A fortune
Fell for some
Ungrateful urchin
Searching for a match
To spark
To compliment
My in the dark
I kept receding
Leaving home again
Withdrawn
One day she’s here
The next she’s gone
Confounding to no end
Despair
It hurts so much
I just don’t care
A page from her
Unwritten book
Not one more piece of me
She took

Can’t rely on a like
And a message
To smile
This find a wife life
Will get old
In a while
And already starting
To bore me
In normalcy
Promising prospects
Condemn me
Remorselessly
Playing the field
With my feelings
Exposed
Vulnerabilities
Shared
Should’ve kept them
Enclosed
In these letters to no one
Specifically reading
Intentions and purpose
To keep them from leaving

How much of a failure
I’ve been
I’ve become
Couldn’t stop any wars
I just hide
And I run
I can’t even have fun
Without substance abuse
All attempts to find love
Tie the knot
In a noose
And you think I’d be used to it
Now
After all
Of the times I’ve uplifted
Myself
Just to fall
In a discontent pit
No escaping it
Slip
Further down
More than ever
Before I have dwelled
And despite the implacable
Anger expelled
Can’t dispel the illusion
That things will get better
That I can be happy
Alone in forever

Slice through the fog
Like a moody
Intruder
My wandering mind
Cannot seem
To elude her
Can’t flood it in tumult
Metallic cacophony
Often epiphany
Specters are stalking me
Once revelations
Divine exaltations
Have morphed into clockwork
Berserk
Demonstrations
Against the machines
And their dream simulations
As much as I feel the peace
Pulsing prevail
I still fail to sale happy
And in it regale
In the love
I have dovetailed
In audio only
So like the Tin Man
I am rusting
And lonely

Try to be
The attentive
Responsive
Be honest
But not this
Duplicitous
Liar
You temptress
Relentlessly
Lifting me higher
But merely
To drop me
From dizzying heights
Hit the ground
Watch me drown
In my loneliest nights
And I thought I was done
Entertaining your kind
In your intricate snares
Bare my soul
Intertwined
With your faithless
Facade
Twist of fate
Ain’t your god
It is simply
Just pleasure
And somebody better
Than me and you
First dating
Under the Weather

If I could keep writing
Indefinitely
I would go on denying
This not meant to be
Normalcy
By default
To a fault
I’ve resisted
Opposed it
Repudiated
Its existence
Since that implies
Sort of
Intent to control
The unfolding of life
From the afterbirth hole
To the hole in the ground
Have I ever been bound
To creation’s design?
And if so
Is there really no thought in my mind
That is mine
Of my choosing
My ego volition
Or merely the maker’s
Deliberate decision

Now
You can wait
Find someone to relate
All my letters
And poems
Just incinerate
It’s too late
Been too long
I’ve accepted you’re gone
And wherever you are
I still hear you in song
And for once
Since I met you
I write it for me
Not for you
Not for us
Just for personally
I don’t hate you
I miss you
But tired of trying
And when you don’t answer
I’m tired of dying
So cry me a river
And never respond
We were all but unbreakable
Painstaking bond

Maybe a day
Or two tops
But at three
That you hadn’t a free moment
I fail to see
So just tell me
It’s not what you want
Or expected
Directly ignored
I can’t take
But rejected
Inured to
For years
I’ve been no ones
Priority
Intimate friends
Always end
In obscurity

Tired
Exhausted
Of being exploited
Of feeling like ****
That you flush down the toilet
Of being ignored
And abandoned
Rejected
Pretend nothing matters
But I am affected
Dissected interminably
Where I left it
Could possibly be
How I better expressed it
And sacrificed rest
To do all that she asked
And in overcast
Bottomless chasms
I grasped
That regardless how much
You could do for this person
They take
And they take
And your heartache will worsen
Immersed in them
Hurt
Irreversibly
Curse you
To sorrow and rage
Interchangeably
Draining
This physical
Cynical
Carcass containing
Ineffable pain
A new form every day
All my cope mechanisms
Are rusting away
For increasingly gray
Has the canvas become
I no longer feel one with the world
I am numb
For the someone eludes me
From circles excludes me
Yet still set in stone
Die alone
What concludes me

Just need a few minutes
Reiterate interest
Respond to my text
And then shut up and listen
To anything
You have to say
When we meet
When we see how we look
As we talk and we eat
But I can’t help but wonder
Between now and then
How much day can transpire
Before hitting send

When she laughs
I collapse
When she takes off my mask
I can’t ask any questions
Just in her muse bask
Hope it lasts
A next day
Though aware we are doomed
To be rock bottom bottles
In trauma entombed
Slip away with her
Maybe
To save me
Tonight
She inspires
These heartfelt emotions
I write
And induces a terror
Of never forever
Like no one I’ve ever
Yet met
And then severs
All ties from attachment
Like none of it mattered
Without even trying
She renders me shattered

What could be keeping her
Fingers from texting
A few simple words
It’s absurd
And most vexing
To know she does nothing
But sulk and consume
In her room
But entombs me
In silence and gloom
Then accompanies others
Who don’t really care
Who don’t hurt with her
Worthless
In death and despair
Just impairing her judgment
In mindless libations
Her self-delude,
Self-destruct,
Numbing sensations
Pretending it’s magic
And mystic
Depression
She is an addiction
A vice
An obsession
I can
Live without
Just afraid of her gone
Was it all
Really meaningless
Fiends all along
Just regretting
Embedding
Their secrets in song

Crazy girl
You’re so appealing
Hidden parts of me
Revealing
Stealing
Made to feel like dating
Kissing made
To feel like mating
Taking
Always taking more
You sound like peace
But speak like war
And contradict each word you say
Forget the day
And claim you’re gay
Or celibate
Embittered
Sick
Your honesty’s
Still full of ****
With or
Without you
I survive
And carry on
As dead inside
As sadly you will still
Remain
Without a home,
A heart,
A name

Becoming the madness incarnate
Unvarnished
I harness
The darkness
Undaunted
Still haunted
By tremors
Of traumas and dramas
Depicting my manifold
Soul-crushing ache
And I do
Like you feel it
And feel it
And break
Momentarily
Sorrow devours
Empowers my muse
Then depravity’s
Desolate desert
Ensues
And too long has its wanderlust
Rendered me
Barren
Refined and enriched
As a crude oil baron
No care in the world
My compassion is spent
Because every last love
Soon enough
Is lament
To extents only writing
Can offer reprieve
And with this
Elegy
Dead to me
Her I grieve

You doubt me
Forget
I am foremost
A writer
I struggle to speech
As you reach for the lighter
And right here contained
In this page
Is my rage
Is my pain,
Is my stage,
Is my rat in a cage
And I made this for you
When I can’t see your face
When you run
When you hide
And deny my embrace
Only pulling you closer
Not pulling you down
We both see rising seas
But your preference is drown
Where instead I would float
Though albeit, adrift
Even if
My last breath
Was bereft
Of your kiss

Resurgent desire
Still spreading like cancer
I feel its entire
Eternal no answer
To why can’t it be
She responds when I want,
Is my picturesque
In distress
In my dreams haunt
So romantically
Fantasies
More than a memory
There when I need
Her bemusing serenity
Verbally
Lyrically
Muted in mystery
All of it
Mine
Dispossessed
But promissory
Nor to control
Just to pass away time
Before down in a hole
Or some contract to sign

Writing for someone
That’s not even there
Still add songs to her list
That I may never share
When she goes unresponsive
Not sure if she’s conscious
And lately
It feels like she’s fading
For good
I just want to reach out
But not sure if I should
For she wouldn’t
So comparably  
In me delight
Does not seemingly care
What I’m doing tonight
And despite all I’ve done for her
Leaves me in lurches
Just pondering plummets
From summits and perches
Desertion
Dissociates
Intimate friends
From potentially more
Than beginnings and ends

Increasingly distant
Don’t want to replace you
Just play you a song
As I long to embrace you
In case you were wondering,
So much as cared
I could share your depression
And bare it
Ensnared
For despair ever has been
The skin that I wear
But I shed it
And bled it
More dreadful than most
Then I fled
And I tread this whole rock
As a ghost
So to feel just as dead to you
Isn’t the pain
It’s still being alive
When you don’t feel the same

It should just be a piece
Not the puzzle
Complete
Of compatible’s
Precious stone,
Pressurized
Heat
But the beats
She uncovers
Keep pace with my stammer
And her ethos pounds
In my chest
Like a hammer
And sickle
In hand
She is reaping my keeping
No secrets,
Just weakness,
She sees it
She eats it
And sleeps like a baby
Goes dormant for days
Then volcanic erupts
In obsidian ways
And like diamonds from coal
My soul molded to lust
For her eyes
Oxidize
My last breathlessly
Rust