A shameful man I am
At age fifteen.
I break hearts and my own head.
Injuries to people
Though I'm empty inside.
In some way I need more.
Be it drugs, or ***.
But I could never do something good-
At least not for me.
And to my fears,
I'll add one more.

If I fell asleep and didn't wake,
Would you cry?
Would  you care?
Come to die
The boatman's fare
Crossing over
Did you stare?
Across the river
I see a light
There you are
You took your life…

My ears are covered, yet the screams sre louder
The world is paused, but somehow moves faster
I closed the book, but the end's coming sooner.
I never saw a butterfly, and I've never seen a beginning. There is only a strange circle of workong out. We all lose. I am no great man and my life was a lie

Quiet brown  eyes
Soft red lips
Angry white hands
Lovely blue fire.
It kisses my skin
Embraces my heart
Silences my rage
Makes my lips part
I look back to me
I'm nowhere to be found
I scream to the heavens
I'm buried in the ground

Was it worth it
To be alone?
Or to want to be known
By someone worth ****?

Do we realize we're crazy
For trying to be sane?
Or are we the same,
So alone and too lazy?

I have something within me
That does not belong.
I have some kind of
Pain that refuses to escape.
I am here and
I am myself.

You are away
And you are a lie.

Time just drags,
And I look at you.
Time still lags;
What can I do?

After the end of it all,
There's one thing I know:
Into the fall
It's hard to say hello.

There's this girl in my life
That frankly I like.
But for now she won't know
The feelings I hide.
I'm too scared to show
These feelings inside.
So I'll laugh and I'll cry,
I'll dance and I'll sing
'Til one day I try
To soon make you see
That I want you
To like me too.

There is growth within us.
There is strength inside.
We flow and we fall.
That day, I too cried.

I remember it as yesterday,
And I remember faithful
Wednesday.
You can forgive me, but I am not forgiven.

I am slave to myself.
I am slave to my ways-
Selfish, and angry,
Lonely, and cocky.

I am surrounded in by an army of friends,
Yet without something to fill that made up void.
I am alone to myself.

I am a coward.
I am a sinner.
I am a thief.
I am me.

And I haven't yet grown.

Trying hard
Is useless

I trapped myself with fake situations
Creations of my mind.
Me, blinding myself with troubles I don't have. I finally figured it out. Things around me are not okay. They never really have been, and even if it can't get better. It is actually quite nice. Even if I shouldn't feel.

Beautiful
Ugly
Joyous
Depressed

Things change instantly
By God
By me
By her
By something
But things change
Now I hate you
And you hate me

Life could be beautiful
Instead, I'm a kid
Child thoughts
Child feelings

In this endless onward,
I will lose my name.
In this forgotten battle,
I'll inherit shame.
Suns set,
But rise behind us.
We forget our place
And the meaning is lost.

We look out our windows
I wish I could talk
Find somthing to say
Everything dies
Nobody stays
Love can go cold
You can let go
All fears will grow old
We never stayed together
We always said, "I love you"
We tried tried to like the other
You once said you hate me
Now, baby, just hate me
We know that we're flawed
And we know I'm the true monster

You never could know
How beautiful you really areu

I'm at a loss for words
This weird confusion in my head
A funny love in my heart
Right now, I'm blank
Right now, I'm not special
Right now, I'm okay

I'm breaking down again
Painfully and slowly.
There is love around me
And I weep.
I pray someone saves me
Before I regret my actions.

I learned to forget.
Forgot how to love.
Loved to be kind.
Kindness is lost.
Lost in your beauty.
Beauty has left.
Leave me be.
Be okay.

Brown eyes
Brown skin
Brown hair
Just how I was brought in
They say that I'm brown
And it's in my blood
What I am marked by
And I'm tried for this crime
My brown blood is the why
Hear the snap of their noose
My brown heart will now die

I could speak words to
Convince you to love me
As I would like you to.
But I care too much
To let you be
With a creature
As hideous as me

I got tired of the way it went,
So I made them know my name.

I hated what they thought,
So I made up my own game.

I'm not alone,
But who do I stand with?
I always stand alone.

I am my own fight
I always lose if I fight.

Nobody won, but I beat you.

My life shouldn't have begun
I was never one to finish all
I fight til I stop
And I stop every day
I sang to you once
You kissed me that day
I climbed into my sheets
And cried pain away
Now there was no song
Please come back lullaby
Beautiful, come kiss me goodbye

There cannot be thrill
An empty happiness
Unable to feel
We're pawns in this eternal chess
Sacrifices for the higher
Not allowed to think
Move forward
****
Move forward
Die
Liars in this plot
Lambs for the feast
Crucial pieces of this
Least of the most
You play yourself
Death is your host
Welcome to Hell
You lose when you lose

Roses are dead
Violets were fake
Lift up your head
Hear that old snake

I still remember
Places I long to forget
Fake love all from you

Every day a new addiction,
Bleeding out my contradictions.
Soaring lower than even dirt,
My own soul begins to hurt.
I wish to be free;
To fly for me.
I am slave, though.
In everyway,
I've hit my low.

Sometimes death can be easy
Not that coping is
I remember that
I've lost some great people
Strange
So much love and care in such fragile beings
We were created to break
And so death can be easy
I'll still cry
I'll still miss all you people
Goodbye to my family
Goodbye to my friends
I loved the world
I love you all
Just don't be so angry
Death can be easy

Quiet blue lips
Secret brown eyes
Tasteful pink mind
Funny green spine
Lovely grey words
Sensitive taste
My final ****

Without closure how can we be comfortable?

I do silly things
Alone in the cold.
For you my heart sings
Until I grow old.
I am scared of your beauty.
I still love your light.
To hide is my duty.
To slip into night.

The blade ran away
The gun stole your legs
You walk here today
and drink out of kegs.
Your long hair is grey
Your pale skin is dead
You leave now today
Your life goes unsaid

Cry, he says
no more Tears
Smile they say
a kick in the teeth
Dance with me
my feet ran away
I laughed
She cried
no games to play
I stare at my cup
Nothing to drink
the tea's gone cold
I look to the wall
the paint peels off
I watch her blank stare
The pain screams into my heavy head
Finally I know
No way I'm not dea

There is no sweeter sin
Than seeing you.
There is no sweeter sin
Than when I'm alone with you.
There is no sweeter sin,
And we both know how sweet sin is.
Follow me and may we
Condemn ourselves together.

I'm cool
You're cool
We're cool

I try so hard.
This ****** knife;
It sticks in me.
I can take it out,
Shove it back in,
Push it,
Pull it.

This stupid game.
I try to break it,
But it comes back,
So I try to accept it,
And I lose myself

I had these rough thoughts
Raggedy, old, worn thoughts
Stuff broken into my mind
I tried to wash it from my hair
The dust remained

Get rid of it

You have to do it yourself

I'll wash it in ink

Ink in my hair

I washed the words out

One reply

"I can't stand you"

Really is it crazy to be jealous of a smile?

Darkness is not lost
Light becomes dark in the night
Dreams live off the dark

Reality is strange
Life is an act
Sanity is a privilege
Any path I choose
I'm lost

Darkness surrounds
You stick to harm.
Pain sees no bounds
With an alluring charm.

At night it is all.
By light you will fall.
Drown in your blood:
Your personal flood.

The screams are blank
You are grey
You cry to me
I run away
You love for free
They shout my name
Heaven's gates have a fee
I turn for help
The crowd's gone silent
Turn back around
And nothing's quiet

Oh flesh that was so sweet
Bring your lips that ours may meet
Lie to me and say you love me
Say I'm the one you want to see.
You went away and now I lack.
I see that now you won't come back

I don't want to face you,
My eyes have their fear.
I know I'll just turn blue.
The day is so near.
I just wanted to tell you
Good luck in your light.
In the way that I loved.
There was no real fight.

You look so happy
We still see the stains
You laugh at our jokes
We still feel your pain
Now take your anger
and release your fear
Nothing left to say
Life never loved us anyway
Look away from your knife
Now I'll bring you back to life

It's late and I'm bled dry.
All words I contained
Are within me no more.
I never wanted to lose
What made me feel important,
But now I'm just empty.
I will miss my voice,
And I wish
It will miss me too.

Thin little lines scratched into your flesh
Each with a story
Each a failed test
Fight it off
Every relapse
Fight it off
"I don't like fighting"
I don't either
But it's do or die
And please
If there's something left
Do not choose die

The ground flies closer,
The sky runs farther,
The sun sinks sooner,
My heart beats harder,
And like a dream
I die.

Pulling the trigger is so easy.
I've killed you so often.
In this way I grow crazy,
Building my own coffin.

I was holding your hand in a dream
So everything left.
I wish for a smile that I cannot bring
To a face that has gone.

You asked me once why I would act
Like I do.
I only ever wanted to selfishly keep
You.

You ran away like a sane person would
So I must ask what you would have said.

That table that day.
When you forgave me, and shook hands.
If I stayed longer, would we have
Understood each other a little?

Or would it end the same with a sad boy and a girl that he will always trust.