Everything I write I write for you
Every syllable every word
Is all I wish I had the courage so say to you
But don't.

The only constant is change.
That must be your reasoning for why
Your emotions are constantly changing
Are you trying to find some stability
In a life where there is none.
And if I am the closest thing you have to stable
Then you must live your whole life
In the last ten minutes of Titanic.
Well good luck in the future
Because I am done being your rock.
If you've never noticed
People step on rocks
And the pebbles don't even get a thank you
When you use them as stepping stones
To cross your precious river.
Not only am I not interested in being
Walked over by you
I do not intend to spend the rest of my life
As your stability
Because do you know what happens to Stability?
Nothing.
Nothing happens to Stability.

I wouldn't be the only one to say: without music I'm nothing.
But that's not really true
because I gave up on music and you gave up on me
even before I knew I was something you had to give up.
I would never tell you this
but I love the way you sing
even when it's not to me
but especially when it is
you make me feel special
and part of me wishes you'd just stop
and realize that being nice to me
makes it hurt more
but I bet
being mean to me would hurt the most
and its not like I want you to stop talking to me
so I guess pain is the way to go
and I'll stick with happy pain
I haven't cried for you
(if you don't count yesterday)
and I wont
(if you don't count today)
and I don't count those
because
I'm not crying because I love you
I'm crying because I love the old you
and he comes back in glimpses
but he's not here to stay
and every time he leaves
he takes a piece of my soul with him.
So wear me down to nothing
see if I care
you can take every piece if me
just as long
as i know
I will see
the old you
again
soon

I spend my weekends in the clouds
A place I never thought you would return to
And the words you said
To the long-haired boys
Still replay themselves in my head
Making me more annoyed every time
Maybe it was my brain making things worse than they were
Or maybe its the fact that
Every time you replay a memory
You change it
Maybe you weren't as insufferable as i believe
Maybe You were just trying to hard
And maybe it was the fact that your bird flew back to you
If only for a night
And when we were alone you treated me like i mattered again
So maybe you just care who sees you give compassion
Because the second your little bird came flying in
She was the only thing that mattered
Again
But that doesn't surprise me
What does is that I didn't care
I didn't care when you didn't pay attention
I didn't care that people were talking about you
And I didn't try to defend you
I've done enough of that
It's time for you to grow up
Without my help
Whatever you want the world to think of you
Is fine with me
And i wont try to tell people differently
And i wont get them to change their minds
Just like how i wont try to help you live your life
Anymore
Because
Too bad for you
I can move on
And you don't even know it
I didn't even know it until the night after
But you don't have me as you back up plan anymore
And I will sit in this five by two room
And do all the things that you cant
Do all the things that should keep you away from me
Because
While you are great when you spell out your words
Face to face may not be your thing

Please let me know if you cant talk to me
Because I'm tired of pouring my heart out
To someone who's not listening.
I know you've got you're new girl
I knew you'd find someone better
We are falling apart at the seams
And promises I thought would last forever
Are crumbling before my eyes
They are ash in the wind
That you will just blow into the next persons face.
I can't concentrate on a **** thing
because I'm either trying to figure out what to say next
Or worrying because it wasn't good enough for you
Because nothing I ever do is good enough for anyone.
I don't need you every minute
Even though I can't remember the last time
I didn't answer when you called
But I would just love if you could answer me that simple question
Do you still care?
Yes or No?

Why cant the world see what I see in myself
The age old question that
No matter how hard you try to fake it
You have asked yourself
Every time the leaves started changing without you
And before you know it the snow is falling
But no friends are calling "you-who"
Outside your window
Because they never quite paid attention
To which one was mine
And social interactions were never my thing
I always do the wrong thing
And I wish I could say
"With you it didn't matter
Because you always made me feel normal
And loved"
But that would be a lie
And no one does that anymore
So why start now
Why fluff up your ego
And tell you what you want to hear
So you can use it as a boost
In other endeavors
That have never included me
I'm the sign on the highway
Covered with black cloth
Because the sign wasn't useful anymore
But no one cared enough to take it down

If you wanted me to hold it all in
Then you got your wish
And I never want to hear another word
Escape from your lips
If you wanted me broken then
Be happy cause I finally shattered
I've made bad choices and listened to the voices
That told me nothing mattered
If you wanted me to feel pain
And let the pain drip away
Then maybe you would have noticed
That it's your fault I don't stay
The scares are finally starting to fade
When you have to suddenly start to replay
All I've done
And the fights you've won
The stars are slowly dying
And I'm through with trying.
All the people who lie
All the stories I buy
Are the reasons for the nights
I wish I wasn't here.
And I'm done pretending
For the sake of you
I'm done acting
Like I care for you
When I say that I love you
Just know it's not true
And tonight when it starts again
Know I'll be thinking of you.
You wanted me
Well now you've got me

I've been thinking about what I should say when I visit you...
And I am hoping I will gather up the courage to make you say it to my face
Tell me how you feel without hiding behind the cloak of a keyboard or computer screen.
I think I could be brave enough to tell you that I'm not going to find anyone better
So there is no point in waiting for that to happen
That there is no way I could find someone as good for me as you are.
I want you to find the strength to kiss me for real
Instead of kissing me on the head saying you always wanted to kiss me
And wanted to make sure you did it in some way before you left.
And while we are on the topic of you leaving lets talk about things you said.
You can't say you want to spend the rest of your life with me
And then go away
You can't cry in my arms and let me do the same
And then disappear
You just can't tell me you would stay for me
And not expect me to want to ask.
You're confused now, you don't know what you are saying
You don't understand that this is getting real very quickly for me
And I don't know how to make it stop.
These aren't just words.
They are supposed truths that I wish I could believe
But can't stop thinking that you will change your mind, that you will find someone better
Because we all know you could.
I wish I could believe you
And I tell everyone that I trust you, and I think I could
But I don't think I do
And the worst part is
I know I did.
Once upon a time I could believe in every word that you said
But it seems like you are confessing more lies to me every day
I love that you are telling me the truth but you have wronged me in the past
And I'm not so sure I'm over it.
I want to be, I want to have everything figured out
But that's not realistic.
The upside is I have thirty days to figure out what I want to tell you.
And maybe I will just hand you this right before I go.
Do to you what you did to me
Leave the ball in your court.
But then the bad news is I have thirty days to chicken out.
So if you're reading this then I congratulate myself
I did the impossible
I told you the truth.
You're turn.

Last night as we sat under the stars
We were so far away but I felt close
Due to how tightly I was holding a piece of metal to my head
Just so I wouldn't miss a syllable
A breath
I wanted to hear everything.
That's the closest I have felt to you in a while
And I came clean
But you left me with questions I don't know how to answer
And comments I don't know how to process
In the simplistic head I wear above my shoulders
For me, not a necessity
But an accessory
Because my head never really did me any good
It's just there to pull the look together
It has no real purpose.
My thoughts are small and unimportant
Especially to a person like you
Whose thoughts could change the world
If you would just try
So thank you for every time you made me feel as if
I was smart enough to match you
But I then take them all back
For there are equal times you made me feel
Less than
Unimportant
Weak
But at least you have a solid ratio.

Can I be done yet?
Can I be done with the lies
And the fear that someday
Your back will turn on me
As it has to so many others
Can I be done with the being let down
Because the expectations I have of you
Aren't even that high
I just wanted you to be there for me
But you left.

Can I be done yet?
Done with the broken promises
Of love and otherwise
Because you had no intention
Of ever putting meaning into those empty words
Can I be done with the back and forth
I need a constant
I need you to stay
Or I need you to go
But I don't need you popping in and out as you please
And I would rather it is you just disappeared

Can I be done yet?
Can I be done with feeling like I'm not good enough for you
Or your family
Even though I have never tried harder
To be worthy of someone
Can I be done with the judgment
And the subtle ways you prove to me
That you will always be
More important to me
Than I am to you

Can I be done yet?
Can I be done with feeling like I owe you something
When you have done
Absolutely nothing for me
Except make me feel as if
I am unloved
By the people I love most
Can I be done with always worrying about you
When you don't bat an eyelash at me
Why do I know your problem
But you don't know mine
And more importantly
Why don't you tell me yourself

Can I be done yet?
Can I be done with doing everything for you
With nothing in return
With promises of payback
But those words always being empty
And void of any true intention
Can I be done with the disrespect
And having to get along
With everyone you tell me to
But you never want to be around my friends
Because they aren't good enough for you

Can I finally be done yet?

I listen to your voice on repeat
And I'm dying because I missed you
And I miss you
Everyday I want you to come home
But fear the day you do
And I want you to be safe
But know I'm not the one who
Can supply that for you.
I'm living a lie
About you
And with you
And no matter what
If it's with you
It feels wrong
Everything feels wrong
And you are the only one who can
Make it right

I found something worth crying for
And it's the fact that tears were gathering in your eyes as we had to say goodbye
It was the first time I could really tell you loved me.
I could tell you were trying to hold back streams of tears
I wish we had both let it out
One last cry in the arms of the person I loved most in the world.
The person I trusted most.
A final gift
A final hug
And like that you were gone
And I was left to explain where you had gone to
"He's gone"
That's all you want me to tell people
So that's what I will tell people.
Hello World!!!
He's gone!!!
And I really hope he comes back
But I just don't know.

I inflict my own pain
So you can't hurt me
You can't torment me more
Than the snow
That always remembers my footprints
And where they took me
And though I can always hear the wind
It never seems to reach my skin
And I prefer red leaves to green
Because they appear to be on fire
And all I want is my life to
Be
On
Fire
And have flames run through my vanes
And engrave itself on the back of my neck
To represent the childhood house
That might as well be ash
Because there is nothing left worth saving

It kills me to know
that you'll never care for me
the way you do for her.
it rips my heart out when
you talk to me in the hallway
but its worse
when you look straight through me.
I want to hate you for loving her better
but that's not fair
because I'm not sure if you loved me in the first place.
If I stopped talking to you
would you send me
late night messages reading
I miss us.
when we were never together?
no.
because we did stop talking
but it was the other way around.
you ignored me
for weeks
and i played it cool
and pretended like i didn't care
when all i did was compare myself
to her
or her
or her or her
or any other girl you seemed to care more for.
I think you are just comfortable
in our relationship
knowing someone will always be there for you
might make you feel as if
they don't need you too
but I need you
and i will need you
and right now i need you to stop ******* up.
you said you would do it for her
and you said you never listened to her
and you commonly say things
that contradict
the previous sentence
but i was willing to accept those things
and you were willing to accept me
for all my flaws
and God knows there's many
too bad we just couldn't feel that way at the same time
cause i know together
we would have been great
and i wouldn't have tried to change you
but i guess you just fall for girls
that will never accept you.

The moons never talked to you
The way you wanted them to
Because they saw the truth
They saw your lies
In a way I could never
The northern lights dimmed when they caught sight of you
And the milky way shied away
Because if stars are good at one thing
It's fear
You've painted my heart black
And at first you told me it was so
I could travel the night with you
Unnoticed
But I've recently realized how many things
Are wrong with that statement
You never cared about me
You cared about the wind
And how it disappeared when you got far enough away
You liked the seclusion
You feed off the feelings of lose
People feel when you travel
When the sky turns pink
Thats when you'll return to me
From you illustrious travels
My dear Foreigner
That is when I will trust you with my heart again
When the sky tells me it is right
Because the sky is the only person left who hasn't lied to me
And all I want is to rest in her stars
And all I want is for the lies to be done
And all I want is for the loneliness to subside
And it's not to much to ask for
Because I know just how to do it