I'm filled right to the brink with one sided conversations.
The shiver penatrates down to my core with out care or hesitation.
Gaining in strength until my own thoughts begin imploding in my head.
Spewing shattered fragments of all of the words left unsaid.

I'm done with all this sadness.
Staying silent as the years they flew.
My head overflowing with madness.
At last I'm done with you.

I am tired of waiting to be good enough, finally in your eyes be fixed.
I must solider on and stay my course so my gaze remains transfixed.
Im finally standing up and making moves and yes  I'll do this on my own.
Better to sit tall in sweet silence than keep arguing a truth I've always known.

I'm done with all this sadness.
Staying silent as the years they flew.
My head overflowing with madness.
At last I'm done with you.

I will reach
Beyond
The stars

Brining back a
Handful
Of clouds

You tell me I am strong.
That I am worth fighting for.

If I could only see me through your eyes.

You say the worst is over.
And my past I must ignore.

How I've longed to see me through your eyes

When the midnight sky grows silent
Under the hue of a dim lit star.

Like theives they creep back in
Returning home from afar.

Their siren call reminding me
Of every mistake I've ever made.

My thoughts  overtake my mind
their vicious plan has just been laid.

They steal the away my solace
My torture feeds their fire.

My memories may win tonight
Their force will never tire.

Chaotic lyrics, stuck on repeat, echo throughout my soul causing  me to go mad.

Ripping and tearing at my chance to feel normal, well the little chance I though I had.

In and out, rhythmically they play their tune,  taunting me with their song.

The sorted details of my life confine me , while my torture they prolong

Rising from the destruction knowing that this girl always survives

What is the difference between being strong and feeling jaded?

When the hope of finding solace is gone, it has all but faded.

If our struggles are nature's way of providing strength to us.

Then unfortunately these failures and hardships are an absolute must.

Branches stretched towards the heavens
Whipping in the wind remaining strong and tall.

Her leaves like tiny rays of hope
Glisten in the sunlight as they gently fall.

A labyrinth of twisted roots
Hidden deep beneath the tear stained earth.

She casts a shadow on a world
Which sadly has yet to see her worth.

Long has she waited for the storm to end
Alone and still her spirit remains free.

Willing to give someone her everything
For she is the giving tree

Floating*
down like
a stolen twilight kiss.

Beautiful
*moments wrapped
in eternal bliss

My existence is a symphony
written a life time ago

These chaotic cords playing
notes lost in my own  limbo

I am me

The only me I can  be

If you just  open your  eyes

Then perhaps maybe you would **see

Mercie B
Apr 19, 2013      Apr 22, 2013
Silence
It has been well over a year since I posted this and yet these words haunt me now more than ever


*Silence echoing all around
Pounds like thunder it's painful hush engulfs me
mocks me with its presence everywhere but inside my head.

    The same stillness where most  find solace
In my case lets all the noise of my mind assult me
For this reason silence is what I dread.

The  intensity of my memories rob me of my todays
They steal away my time and space
Then with no particular purpous they collide.

   I need a distraction from my thoughts
To escape their overwhelming annoyance  and keep them contained
The relief I seek only volume can provide.

  Silence is not always golden
I find no tranquility in its midst
Stillness please don't linger  then my memories will invade me.

   An escape from a self constructed prision
Full of my own thoughts is all I desire
Silence please don't ignore the screaming of my plea

I've become a master in cloaking my sadness,at least thru my eyes, that's how it seams

A mirage of happiness trapped in nightmare, lost in a world filled with impossible dreams

I have never been this broken
so there is nothing left to hide

Fighting demons in a war
but to their rules I must abide.

I am nobody
Who are you
Are you nobody too

They can't see me
Hidden in plain view
Lookin at me but right thru

Absolute**
untamed lust.

Binding
souls into one .

Captivating
my very essence

I am

The perfect blend of light Carmel vanilla mocha skin


A crazy beautiful monumental disaster locked within.

I am

The creation of good and evil, their secrets bound to keep.


An ever flowing combination of joy and despair and this is why I weep

Suspended

Time seams to turn so painfully slow

Locked

In this beautiful disaster I call my

Mind

Over matter is how I'm told to

Cope

With the chaos that keeps following my

Lead

I sense myself

Falling

Forward

Captured by lost

Memories

Thoughts

Become hopelessly adrift

Enchanted
&
Hopeful

We will find

Beauty
&
Mystery

Hiding just beyond

Light
&
Darkness

The thing about doors
is
They can be completely in the way
Or
Sometimes simply a way in.


You can open a door
To
Let in the brilliant sunlight
Or
Close it tight to hide away your sin.

The
Truth
In
Your
Eyes

Only
Confirms
All
The
Lies

Stop,

        Take the time to drink in all of the loveliness veiled by constant chaos or simply cast away.

        Do  not take for granted that we are indeed on borrowed time, and with no for warning we must repay.

Pause,

         Just long enough to actually listen not only hear what is hidden with in the depths of someone's heart.

         So we may remember that every beginning has to come from another's end, but fret not, prepare for the adventure's start.

Refuse,

  To take ourself so seriously, if we learn to laugh at our little     quirks they will never be able to become a weapon.

   Acceptance of the inclination that someone has a better ability to live your life, flee from that kind of deception.

If you stand so very still you just may hear giddy little fireflies (dancing in the moon kissed sky) whisper across the wind a wondrous tale, otherwise kept hidden within their light.

Secrets from the Land of Never Here, a forgotten world where our most coveted dreams are born and shimmering starlight is no longer bound solely to the night.

Fascinating tales of an enchantress, the keeper of bewitched forest, so captivating that even the strongest of hearts fall helpless when caught in the magnetism of her gaze.

Where a hillside water fall displays capricious streams of color crashing down over smooth rocks, the mist creating a delicate rainbow haze.

A land where the wild imagines of poetic minds are captured and given life, where one's inner sprite is encouraged to frolic  and flutter, never stifled or confined.

It is a world of endless wonders where each new dawn  the brilliant sun rises up into the pristine sky singing out  melodious song nourishing the canvas in your mind.

Where fantasy and reality mesh splendidly into the now and the allurement of what tomorrow may bring fills one with anticipation and excitement instead of worry and fear.

A refuge in which time sets forth with specific pace, never late, for one will find themselves right where they should be in the Land of Never Here.

I will not allow anyone' s judgments further even one more moment of self doubt
              They can't break me.
The demoralizing words cast my way mean nothing and the lack of faith,
              Stronger it will make me.

Finally I have realized that I do not have to live up to their set of standards, always trying to impress.
               I alone will break their mold.
No longer will I vie for others affection or seek to achieve someone else's perfection,
                I will let my own story unfold.

My mistakes are unique to just myself, I will embrace them, learn and keep moving on.
                Standing true on my own two feet.
I will have both successes and failures throughout the journey  before me.
                 Never again shall I give into defeat.

I still have not found a way or maybe it is just that I have not got the will to, once and for all say my final goodbye.

I have tried to make my peace, many a long and lonesome night, each time I begin my heart only screams out why.

Painfully  I replay the memories of our lives as to never forget, keep them vivid right up until the very end.

I hold on to you because without you I feel lost, at the same time knowing goodbye is what will help my heart mend.

The meaning of the word rattles me, in essence the sheer magnitude of it  is what I can not get past.

Almost a year has gone bye and the anguish inside me has not yet begun to ease, how much longer can it last?

Each time the quite settles in and the stillness takes it's hold, I hear her voice urging me to move on, so once again I try.

Lord grant me the knowledge, I implore thee on bended knee, tell me how to begin to say goodbye.

No time for me
I am  filled to the brink of explosion with my word spinning round my head constantly

No time for me
I cannot steal a moment to put these words to  paper so they float around my head in an endless sea.

No time for stillness
No time for silence
No time for refection

No time for me
Others poor planning somehow always seams to turn into my emergency

No time for me
After all the I needs, can you's, will you and did you there is just no time for me

The sky has just began to grow dark and a slight chill rushes up her spine as the cool water washes across her toes.

The sand beneath her body is soft and still warm as she sprawls out, remembering his words, her eyes gently close.

She recalls his piercing stare and how she could not break their gaze, no matter how deep within he just may see.

The way he effortlessly drew out her feelings, unable to fight it, nor was their any fear of letting her words flow free.

Her body blended so comfortably, almost as if fate had designed her to fit perfectly into his soothing embrace.

Neither willing to acknowledge the impending goodbye, longing to get lost in this perfect moment, and hide from the time they chase.  

She curled up in her memories of him, blocking out all of the clutter her days can bring, she wanted to hold onto this feeling for just a bit more.

As he walks away he glances back once more, his thoughts drowning in anticipation for another night like this, a night like never before.