A monster appears
like one from your childhood
An inner battle commences
Between the bad and the good

At first, you'd find them in movies
or under the bed
Now as you grow, you fear
The monsters live in your head

Disguised as shadows in night,
New monsters now appear
These monsters are sneakier,
They know what you fear

Struggling to breathe,
your eyes filled with fear
Trapped, alone, no where to hide
Can't escape, it's far and it's near

This monster is tricky,
It plays tricks on your mind,
You plead for it to stop,
But there's no where to hide

This monster knows you
It makes you question your past
With a bleak outlook,
You wonder how long this might last

The one place you felt safe
Before this monster invaded
Now your mind is no solace
Every good memory faded

How do you run from something
That plays tricks on your mind?
How do you know who you are
When it's yourself you can't find?

How do you feel joy from
things that now trigger pain?
How do you move forward with life
when only fear remains?

We all grow up
It's a natural part of life
No one ever warns us though
That life comes with great strife

No one ever tells us
To be afraid of our thoughts
Feeling lost and alone
With many battles still to be fought

Once this monster invades,
It's hard to get back
To a life once lived,
Before this monster attacked

Our parents warned us of
the bad guys outside
They never told us
of the ones in our minds

And now this monster has control
You no longer recognize the mirror
You pray for this to end,
For prayers fall upon deaf ears

You question your sanity,
You question your morals
This monster knows how to torture
To envelop you in its toil

You know you have a battle ahead
This monster can't defeat
Crippled by the past
You must overcome and beat

This is an illness
This is internal torture
But you mustn't forget
You've got a bright future

You must fight on,
Between this inner war
Good versus evil,
What do you fight for?

Fight for love,
Fight to win back your mind
Fight for family and joy
Fight for what you still must find

Monsters can attack
Anyone, anytime
Lest not judge
For you never know when a monster might prey upon YOUR mind





Author note: end the stigma of mental illness. Talk about it.

Hand softly against your cheek.
Lips pressed to your ear.
The whisper drifts into your consciousness, almost inaudible.
It's a request. A wish. A desire. A quench for passion.
The words tickle your canal as they enter.
The hairs on the back of your neck stand up tall.
The speaker does not own these words but rather they own you.
Captivating, filled with desire, a yearning, wanting more.
As they trickle in, you process the slivering snakelike progression of words that just met your ear.
"Kiss me."
The very word "kiss" can set you on fire.
There's something about the word.
The way it's sharp and bold in the beginning...
Yet...electrifying at the end.
It is drawn out, poetic, tongue tying.
If you close your eyes, you can almost envision getting lost in the letters.
First, there's the K.
That crisp, clean K that is proud yet does not boast.
That K cuts like a knife, no not a knife, a kite, it cuts like a kite, soaring high into the sky. Never planning on coming down.
Then, you've got the I.
It stands tall but it's shy and sandwiched in the middle.
It cowers from the past and even more fearful of what is to come.
It is elusive, slightly ****, coy, perhaps even unattainable.
Then you've got the electrifying, alliterative "ss."
Almost as if you're not ready for the word to end, holding, dare I say, clinging onto those last precious letters, dragging out every last sound.
Every last breath has come to this.
"Kiss."
It comes and then goes before you can say it.
Fearful of missing it.
You hang onto that "S" for it is the last thing that ties you to this.
Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.
Once you've said it, never stop saying it.
Kiss Kiss Kiss.
All good things, though, must go. Then the time comes to let it be.
So then you say,"Kiss me."

One lone bluebird begins its flight.

One lone bluebird gone to great heights.



Beautiful wings, strong and hollow

All the other bluebirds obediently follow



Surrounded by others high in the sky,

One lone bluebird destined to fly.



High above the trees, wings spread to soar,

One lone bluebird in search of something more.



And with bluebird friends all around,

One lone bluebird feeling quite down.



Suddenly, the bluebird is all alone.

Desperately trying to make it back home.



Wings withdrawn and perched on a tree,

Covered in darkness, difficult to see.



In the silence, the bluebird finds bliss.

In the silence, inner thoughts persist.



One lone bluebird missing its friends.

One lone bluebird fearful of the end.



Eerily quiet in utter solitude,

One lone bluebird has a change in mood.



An important lesson was learned that day,

One lone bluebird had lost its way.



Though it may be easier to hide,

Life is better with other birds by its side.



One lone bluebird destined to fly,

Surrounded by others high in the sky.

Inhale deeply, and a two, three, four.
Exhale, let it fill your soul once more.
The ultimate drug of choice, immersed.
Intoxication takes over, unquenched thirst.

Ceasing to end, and an endless beat.
The kind of tune to make you tap your feet.
It's the swing in your step, the song in your heart.
It's the soulful rhythm in a world torn apart.

Embodies everything in one swift ephemeral plea.
A beautiful song carried out in perfect harmony.
It runs through our veins, innate and entwined.
Music is a language for all of mankind.

You had a lifelong friend, someone to tell,
all your secrets to, who knew you so well.

You had a confidante, night or day,
Who would reassure you of just what to say.

You had a drinking bud, a partner in crime.
Laughing & bonding the entire time.

You had a forever friend, who stood by you.
In times of good, we made it through.

In times of bad though, you got mad.
And said things you shouldn't have.

You couldn't swallow your pride,
For the sake, of staying by each other's sides.

You cursed, you cried, and stomped your feet.
You made promises, you couldn't keep.

You said things, you surely regret.
Though, it's too late now, I'm willing to bet.

You cannot take it back that you hurt me.
Though, maybe that was your intention, I see.

They say, sticks and stones may break your bones,
But words can never hurt me as I sit alone.

I'm here to say, that people aren't toys for you to play.
You cannot hurt them and get mad when they don't stay.

You had a lifelong friend, who was there for you.
Now, as we part ways, I'll wish you well in all you do.

There is a heaviness all around.

There is a fog that surrounds.

Encasing my heavy heart.

Beyond repair, unable to restart.

There is a weight in my chest.

There are echoes that cease to rest.

Word by word, crack by crack.

Nothing at all can take this back.

There is loss and regret.

There are memories to forget.

Pain eats away from inside out.

No self-worth, filled with doubt.

There is isolation like none other.

There are tears one after another.

And as the tides ebb and flow,

This heaviness begins to grow.

There are smiles no more.

There is an ache at the core.

Weighed down by heaviness.

Betrayed by the heartless.

There is a wind howling away.

There are skies forever gray.

Nothing at all will make this okay.

For no words known can make you stay.

Desire. The heart’s desire….

… is a funny thing.

We say we want things, but want isn’t enough.

To desire something is to crave it.

Crave it beyond all capacity.

And what’s worse than that craving is…

…knowing you can never have it.

You see, you can work as hard as you can,

and still never obtain your heart’s desire.

You don’t understand, do you?

How can you crave something so badly & never be able to reach it?

What’s even more frustrating is that others have reached their heart’s desire.

They’ve reached high up into the sky, plucked it and brought it back down to Earth with them.

But there you are. Alone. Empty-handed.

That voice in your head. That hole in your heart. That craving. It’s only going to get bigger.

But you’ll never satisfy it.

There’s no reason why.

There’s no making sense of this.

And with each passing day, your heart breaks a bit more because you can’t have the one thing you truly want.

Your head may know this but your heart doesn’t. And even though your mind may have given up on that desire, your heart never will.

The heart may shatter easily but it is not weak.

It perseveres.

Despite the mind telling it otherwise. Despite people telling it otherwise. Despite your own insecurities telling it otherwise.

Sure, your heart may break into a million and one pieces but that doesn’t make you broken.

And it doesn’t mean you should give up on your heart’s desire.

If and only if for the sole reason, that there is nothing in this world you want more.

Desire is a funny thing.

But maybe just maybe when you find it, it’s beautiful, extraordinary, miraculous, inexplicable magic.

For as long as I have been, I have felt immensely for those who walk together.
For never have I feared the walk at night, only of walking alone.

For as long as my heart has beat, I have felt a piece of it missing.
For never have I felt broken, only incomplete.

For as long as I shall go on living, I will long for a warm embrace.
For never have I had a hand to hold, only my own steady feet.

For as long as the days shall pass on, I will keep my heart guarded.
For never have I instilled trust in others, only in myself.

For as long as the sun sets and the sun rises, I will look forward to a new day.
For never have I feared walking to the end, only of walking alone.

Hovering and heavy, it surrounds me.
Deep, entrenching, suffocating fog around.
The blue sky seems to radiate gray now.
Darkness within, overflowing my heart abound.

Blinded by the past, paralyzed of the future.
The rocky shores thrash violently as tides climb high.
Bright blue water fills and fills amidst stormy seas.
Yet an inner emptiness in every minute that passes by.

And as this storm rages on, the droplets pour.
Devastatingly uncertain, blackened with regret.
An external catastrophe that echos what stirs in me.
Broken, bitter causing inner turmoil and upset.

Branches sway and swing and chaos enveloped.
Beauty shattered as mother nature unravels.
An unknown future and unfilled desires.
Longing for joy & love in all of life's travels.

And I have tried, do not think that I have not.
For, even through darkness, I still believe.
I have tried to squander any hope I possess,
And tell myself that everyone always leaves.

Here I am, even now, telling myself "not again."
To hold on to my fears, to reside in the dark.
I try to push down what I am feeling inside,
Scared that you might actually leave a mark.

I fear that you might actually bring me joy.
And I'm scared to admit that you do.
For as long as I've lived, I've tried to ignore,
That for me, there might be a you.

Out there, somewhere, the world is big.
And I guess that's why I've tried,
to deny that love exists, at least not for me.
To this rule, I can no longer abide.

For you, have eased my weary soul.
For you, have wiped my eyes dry.
For you, have made me believe in love,
A concept I thought I'd always deny.

For you have seen a light in me.
For you have brought me out of the night.
For me, the emptiness within has been replaced
With a feeling that simply feels right.

I once believed love was only found in books,
where everyone knew just what to do.
Then you came along, and made me believe
That me is no longer me, unless it is with you.

Charred, blackened, chewed and spat.
Broken, battered, this and that.
Gobbled me up, with nothing left.
Stole my heart with one swift theft.
Built me up, broke me down.
Flipping, flopping, all around.
Fed me lies, good disguise.
No such thing as such nice guys.
It's no surprise, you took it back.
Shaken, shattered, fade to black.
Betrayal, rejected, it's nothing new.
Never should have put my trust in you.

Ring, ring and in a minute everything changes.
Life shifting, your world rearranging.
A beautiful new soul with eyes open wide.
Helpless and howling, innocence is its guide.
Joyous and jubilant as love fills our hearts.
For no moment as precious as when a life starts.

Ring, ring and in the silence, you awake.
A life to take, you rise with an ache.
Uneasiness fills your veins, voices quiver.
This time with only bad news to deliver.
All bodies alike will pass with time.
Yet those souls we love will continue to climb.
Higher and higher, where pain is no more.
Higher and higher, they continue to soar.

Ring, ring, no answer this time.
For I fear what might await me on the line.
A reminder to all that life is precious and finite.
Always lead a life with no regrets in hindsight.
We get one life to live, so please live it well.
And know that love is stronger than any farewell.

Running place to place, you barely stop to notice that coffee stain on your blouse.
Wrapped up in the haste of daily routine, left in a hurry and quickly locked up the house.
Car horns blaring, stereo blasting, heart racing and anxiety abound.
Stress levels rise, minutes pass by and your car accelerates with one roaring sound.
Like a change in the seasons, the days turn to months and the months into years.
And all of our trivial worries soon fade as our eyes fill with tears.
Will it matter in the end if that paper is late?
That red light you passed is just tempting fate.
And why must we always bury our faces in phones?
There is no need to pass time, spiraling into the unknown.
Look into the world and see the eyes that stare back.
Embrace the faces of loved ones before all goes black.
For you never know when the last "I love you" will come and go.
Be sure those that lie deep within your heart will always know.
Hold tight to what matters for life passes as all lives do.
Take nothing for granted and let lives be defined by what is true.
That life gets busy as all lives do, but life is for nothing without love to get us through.
Slow down, I say. Slow down, I urge. I plead.
Tomorrow when you awake, these words you shall heed:
"I love you."

All our lives, we are told by others that we are a number.
Constantly, we strive to be better, to do better, to excel.
Numbers measure our intelligence, GPA, IQ, test scores.
They measure our self-worth. Our weight, our height, our age.
And when we don't live up to the numbers, we are told we're not good enough. We are not accepted nor are we understood.
Place your hand over your heart.
Look at yourself in the mirror.
Think about all the times you've done something right instead of when it's gone all wrong.
Inhale a deep breath and let it fill in your lungs. Let it ease your worried soul.
You are not a number. Numbers do not define you. People do not define you. When the numbers fade away, what are you left with? Are you happy with who you are as a human being? That is what defines you. Your values, your principles and your sense of self.
We are not numbers so why let them define us?

Swirling and senseless as our sorrow soars.
For how can we make sense of what is no more?

Stories shared, memories recounted, and much reminiscing.
For how can we go on living when someone is missing?

They say it's the cycle, to live, love and die.
For how do we move forward when we continue to cry?

Even humans pass on like the dog, deer and dove.
For the only real difference is our capacity to love.

To love and be loved is a gift like no other.
For our arms were made to hold one another.

In this world, there is too much heartache and pain.
For we must restrain from placing others with blame.

We must remember to live each day with purpose and aspire.
For a life full of passion is what sets our lives afire.

Begin each morning and end each night with "I love you."
For when our times comes, we can bid life ado.

When we pass, it's not an end but a journey anew.
For when it gets hard, love will always get us through.

I remember it. It's a memory.
Sad to think that's all it'll be.

Happiness comes and goes.
But God, gone maybe, who will know?

How sad to think as I watch it drift.
Cherish it as if it's a gift.

I speak in past tense as it is, it was.
Lonely in isle, ache is my cause.

Happy no more, will it ever return?
My heart aches, for it, I still yearn.

A love so sweet, pure in form.
Icy hearts melted in desire so warm.

But I can no longer recall such emotion.
It's as if I never felt your devotion.

The feeling it seems, gone in haste.
Funny though, I long for its taste.

Sad to think of a memory come to pass.
Shattered heart, pieces broken like glass.

Happiness, a state of mind they say.
Say, I, recollections fade in dark dismay.

Disillusioned into thinking a feeling remains.
For all of eternity, folklore's invention for pain.

Happiness is a facade, ebbs and flows.
Only appears once, lost at sea, I suppose.

Are we all just lost souls of a lost generation?

Wandering aimlessly looking for purpose.

Empty inside yet yearning for elation.

Every feeling bubbling to the surface.


Are we all just in need of something more?

Instead of life ticking away, waiting to die.

Waiting for our own moment to soar.

Day by day, time passes us by.


Do we regret words spoken or those left unsaid?

In attempt to make sense of who we’ve lost.

Feelings of dread, hearts bled, signs misread.

Desperate in our search regardless of the cost.


Do we believed it’s predetermined, destiny, fate?

The road laid out in front of us, a future course.

Shall we simply just sit idly and wait?

Create a new path and be our own guiding force.


Are we lost souls who long for love?

To love and be loved they say is supreme.

Above all else, this is all we think of.

Alas though, life is but a dream.


Yes, we are the lost generation of lost souls.

Lost at sea, adrift, directionless, astray.

Longing to be loved, held, and whole.

Lost souls tangled in hearts’ dismay.

There once was a girl.
Full and free.
There once was a girl.
That girl was me.

She was happy and loved.
Her heart was content.
Her one wish in life
Was a life well spent.

She succeeded and soared
Climbed to new heights.
A bright future ahead
For which she set her sights.

Gradually things slowed.
For time passes by.
She grew and grew
Unsure how or even why.

Suddenly she felt lost,
Without purpose or meaning.
And although, things were good
Only sadness she was feeling

She was a broken girl
At a mere 22
She was a broken girl
And so very lost too.

Unhappy in her job,
searching for her place.
It's not what she had planned
Looking for her space.

She was lonely in every sense.
Even with family and friends.
She had a broken heart
For no one could ever mend.

She longed for love
And in 22 years,
She hadn't found anyone,
She only found tears.

This girl felt guilty
For feeling this so
She had a great life
Why did she feel so low?

This girl didn't give up
And this girl never will
She will always keep searching
For her happy ending still.

As the sunlight slowly spreads all around

Whispered words within thy ear.

Wrinkled noses and eyelids down,

No place better than right here.



When apart, there is great pain.

When near, pain is no more.

Sheer happiness like a kiss in the rain.

Tears of joy as the droplets pour.



When there is fear in thy eye,

When there is pain in thy heart,

My beloved shall ease my sighs,

For he and I shall never part.



Such beauty when two share one soul.

Walking side by side, love newly born.

Incomplete when apart, together each feel whole.

This must be happiness in the purest of forms.



And that is what love is: true and pure.

Every day filled with laughter

For a broken heart, there is no cure.

All we ever want is our happily ever after.



We never choose love, rather it chooses us.

And as time passes, it only grows stronger.

Being in love with thy best friend is a must.

No time will be enough, always wanting longer.



Someone to grow old with, wrinkles and all.

Still sharing secrets until the day we die,

Good news or bad, still the first person to call.

Watching our children grow right before our eyes.



In times of good and times of bad,

A hand to hold, a shoulder of rest.

A lifetime of memories had,

An epic love story, the best of the best.

Just like it was yesterday, memories flood back.
Ready to board, the bags all packed.

Fluctuations of the mind, time echoes past.
A romance never destined to last.

The anticipation waxed and waned,
The look on his face, her mind is stained.

Eyes traced the lines upon her face,
As heads draw near, with little space.

Lips entwined in perfect synchrony.
Though eyes shut tight, she finally sees.

As she plays it back, her smile bends.
For a broken heart cannot be mend.

Giddy is she who rests her head.
Recalling every look, touch and word said.

The room is spinning, hearts goes pound.
In perfect silence, it’s the only sound.

One year later she plays it back.
Remembers how all the bags were packed.

Goodbyes were said, promises made.
She only wishing he had stayed.

Said his heart was in another place.
Feelings that were just misplaced.

She shed no tears for no tears fell.
An emptiness inside her swelled.

Lonely and alone, another year.
Seems quite strange but still no tears.

Empty as a barren room.
Her days filled with sorrow and gloom.

One year later, she plays it back.
Remembers how all the bags were packed.

As she got off the plane, their eyes laced.
In haste, not knowing the future they faced.

Simply a story of woman and man.
Each who weren’t part of the plan.

Fate absent in all of their days.
Each who decided it’s best to part ways.

There is no happy ending this time.
Only a poem that happens to rhyme.

Fingers interlocked, warm embrace

A peck on the cheek, a hand on thy face



A flick of the hair, the flight of a dove

Lying in bed, two lovers in love



Lips against lips, bodies united

The sound of thy voice, all senses heightened



Words of love, words of care

It’s not what you say; it’s just that you’re there



A sense of support, a place of comfort

In thy safe arms, how could I be hurt?



A whisper in my ear, laughter in the air

The flight of a dove, a flick of the hair



A hand on thy face, a peck on thy cheek

Sweaty palms, heart rates at peak



Warm embrace, fingers interlocked

Batted eyelashes and heads cocked



It begins again, the sign of a new start

A flower in bloom, the beat of a heart



No sight as sweet as two bodies entwined

No feeling as great as two hearts combined

I lost a piece of myself that day.
It is with a heavy heart, I declare.
Though, I freely gave that piece away
To those whom I love and care.

In this life, we leave pieces all around.
Our footprints embedded like sand.
Imprinted on a place that impacted me.
A place that lent a helping hand.

For years, 4 years, a journey embarked.
With fearful eyes, I tried,
To find my place in this foreign land.
And I did so with great pride.

So many faces greeted me with smiles
And friends with memories to share.
A sense of belonging in this world,
For nothing else can compare.

These pieces we leave behind,
Help us stay knights at heart.
Flinging high the scarlet & grey,
For nothing can keep us apart.

And though I walked yesterday,
With my back turned aside.
I will always return to walk back down,
My beloved Walk of Pride.

Yes, I lost a piece of myself that day.
But I do not cry tears of sorrow.
For in my heart, there is only joy,
In knowing, there is always tomorrow.

Today, tomorrow, and years from now,
Arcadia, in my heart it will reside.
With open arms to welcome me home,
And I'm so thankful for the ride.

To give one’s heart away is the ultimate sacrifice.

For everything pours from within it.

When one betrays that sacred trust,

The inner truth is hard to admit.

That love hurts and love is cruel.

In the end, some of us do end up alone.

Happiness wasn’t meant for all of us.

These feelings are not ours to own.

We open ourselves up, left so vulnerable.

Giving a part of our soul, piece by piece.

Then guarded once again from all who dare,

To burn down those walls & bring to a cease.

Imposters all around, it is hard to decipher.

Who is worthy and who just pretends?

A heart should not be given easily,

For a heart is quite hard to mend.

And they say when it rains, it pours.
But for me, any rain would do.
You see, alone am I in this drought.
With lonely thoughts of you.

With lonely thoughts of you,
As I stare beyond the pane.
Behind the pain, sorrowed eyes
As drops dance out in the rain

As drops dance out in the rain,
An empty ache swirls within.
The sky emboldens with a boom,
For thoughts are all they've been.

For thoughts are all they've been.
Nothing more, and nothing less.
I long to be out in the rain,
To this fear, I must confess.

To this fear, I must confess.
As I stare on, into the sky.
An empty heart still boldly beats.
Without much reason why.

Without much reason why,
No knock upon my door.
Just the sounds of summer rain.
How I long for something more.

How I long for something more.
If only someone could see.
If the storms could only pass,
And let the sun shine down on me.

Let the sun shine down on me,
For warmth could give me light.
And soften my cindered soul.
In hearts, happiness ignites.

I once told someone, "every time I drive, I cry."
They asked me "what do you mean?"
I said, "every time I drive, I cry..."
Or so it seems.

They asked me why these tears I shed.
"Music," I replied, "keeps my heart fed."
"Music," they asked. "How can this be?"
I smiled and said, "it resonates with me."

They noticed the smile
as it danced along my face.
They asked why then there are tears
that take that smiles place?

My smile weakened as I turned to speak.
"Music brings with it, both the good & the bad."
They looked at my eyes that quivered with fear.
"Music", I said "makes me happy AND sad."

Confused, they asked, "Then why listen to the sad?"
My smile returned and eyes no longer frightened.
"In a sea of people, music makes me feel less lonely."
They thought for a moment, soul enlightened.

"I think I get it now," they said.
"Your tears come from love and pain."
I reached for the stereo as my car came to a halt.
"Music", I said "is the one thing in life that keeps me sane."

Silence, solitude and serenity.
Sometimes, I like it when it’s only me.
Feelings of immense content and comfort.
When it’s only me, I cannot get hurt.

In times of good, and in times of pain,
Only one person can keep me sane.
No one to lean on, and nowhere to go.
To get me through the highs and lows.

I am scared at how I feel this so.
I’m scared of what lies deep below.
Within me, I have a desire to change.
Yet, this feeling is so foreign and strange.

For so many years, I’ve been alone.
Quite frankly, it’s all I’ve ever known.
To allow another to enter my life…
Well, I fear that would bring me great strife.

For I’ve walked alone for so long.
Anything else would feel just wrong.
I have strength in myself, indeed I am strong.
Yet, I’m not quite sure where I belong.

To entrust my life to another soul,
My heart would surely take its toll.
For loneliness is sorely confused.
With a heart that’s simply broken and bruised.

Being alone is not a blessing nor a curse.
Simply a fear of something much worse.
That being alone is all that I foresee.
At sea, only me, under a willow tree.

What will become of me when I'm dead & gone?
I think often of this as I count on.

The days tick by, and I think to reflect.
How will I be remembered when nothing is left?

Will I have no regrets, will I feel proud of my life?
Will I feel pain in the end, or be ridden of strife?

As the calendar pages flip, a sadness I confront.
That life one day ends, if I may be so blunt.

Confronted indeed and a fact we all know.
Yet, are we ever really ready when it's our time to go?

We are told, take it day by day, enjoy all your time.
Because before you know it, God walks by your side.

What will we leave behind when we go?
Have we successfully navigated life's highs and lows?

Do people speak of us fondly or with malice and pain?
Our dreams, plans, goals, have they all be attained?

These thoughts race through my head.
With worry, ponder, and through tears and dread.

But I cannot worry about what's yet to arrive.
I am simply humbled and blessed to still be alive.

Life is a gift, in the purest of forms.
Life is rocky, sailing a ship through its storms.

But life is worth it, through it all, I still smile.
I think a life well lived is a life worthwhile.

It's slipping away.
And I'm afraid I won't be able to catch it.
Just a memory of happiness.
More than happiness, perhaps even bliss.

What if it's lost forever?
Deep down in my heart.
In a place where no one can find it.
Simply, a token of the past.

What if it was once in a lifetime?
And the feelings are forever gone.
I fear not the absence of it, but
rather never having the memory of it.

Is it floating and never to be found?
Maybe what's left of it fills my aching soul.
And if it is there, why do I feel empty inside?
How do I put back together the pieces?

If one person can build me up & tear me down,
then who can I trust in this world?
Even my own reflection haunts me.
Nothing seems right anymore and I am broken.

I long for the day when I will feel it once more.
I long for the day when I am whole again.

Ticking, tock. There goes the clock.
Racing, running, and rattling about.
Can't do a **** thing to make it stop.
Chase it, cherish it, throw it all away.
Clinging, climbing, begging it to stay.
Past, the here, the now, and the soon.
The forevers, the memories, and the goodbyes.
Constantly ticking, passing by, with one foul swoop.
Swept up in ephemeral moments, fleeting, and free.
Fear in the eyes for all these goodbyes will never come again.
Can't go back, can't take it back, stacked against all odds.
Pleading, needing, begging to be transported back in time.
Can't do a **** thing to make it stop.
The hands dance along that big, round clock.
Slow it down, speed it up, yet nothing can control this clock.
Blocked by a moment in time, wanting to rewind.
Only forward we can go, sadly passing by those once known.
We said our goodbyes, can't be said again.
Can't slow it down or speed it up, can't do anything to stop that clock.
One foot in front of the other, stride by stride.
An entire life is just a memory of time.

Often, I lose faith in it. Sometimes, I believe in it. And always, do I want it.
A sinking feeling that bellows in my core, yet a spirit uprooted into something more.
It’s a quicken in my step, and a leap of faith, it is something that makes my whole heart quake.
It is a sign from above, some may say fate. It is flutter in my gut, the butterflies that await.
Though, my heart feels heavy at times, and not all of my words seem to rhyme.
Every now and then, there is an ache. A subtle reminder that love wasn’t ours to take.
So if this mistake still makes me shake, I wonder if this concept is real or fake?
Even in my darkest hours, my loftiest of days, my belief in love always remains.
Beyond all the pain, remorse, heartache & fears. I must believe something’s worth all the tears.
For each day, paths crossed with whom are unknown. To us, another face on life’s winding road.
Could the next passerby be the one I look for? The only person ever to make my spirit soar.
If this great love is finally found, will he know just how much my heart leaps and bounds?
Will he smile at my jokes & hold me when I’m down? Will he always be around?
Will I be the first person he wants to see when he awakes and the last before he lies down?
Will I be all he wants and nothing more? Will I be enough for him and never a bore?
Will he want me beside him forever and always? To have & to hold for each & all our days.
Often, I lose sight of it. Sometimes, I am frightened of it. Yet always, do I want it.

Come stay a while, I think to myself.
Fill this hollow space, perched on my shelf.
Right there is good, right above my lungs.
Sit, stay, say, as the words leave my tongue.
Craving for the company, anything will do.
Really, anything at all but I only want you.
Melodic cacophony, and the void subsides.
Ironic, yes, I let my brain be my guide.
The heart will lie, cheat and steal.
A strong vessel yes, but it never quite heals.
Stay a while, I say as I beg and I plead.
Check into the room, let me take the lead.

Please fill the vacancy, ease my pain.
The noises get louder, as blood flows within my veins.
Why can't you hear my cries and my shouts?
Wasted, depleted, and filled up with doubt.
Fine, I scoff, leave the key by my chest.
The lonely light will be my only guest.
Nothing new there, I suppose as I say,
To myself, some check in but none ever stay.
And the years pass on, and they pass into past.
A lasting reminder that nothing ever lasts.

Come stay a while, I say aloud through the tears.
In an empty room, my words fall amongst deaf ears.

And in my heart lies a hole as deep as the ocean.

It is an emptiness as wide as outer space.

The feeling that comes from within,

A powerful darkness that I am afraid to face.

And each day, month and year that passes,

Not even time can heal my wounds.

Neither music nor family fills the void,

However, I hope the pain subsides soon.

In a world with over a billion people,

How can one person feel so alone?

In a world with so many people,

and no one to call my home.

For there is truly only one thing to fill that space,

Something powerful enough to battle the bad.

For only love can ease my troubled soul,

But I have yet to find it and for that, I am sad.