i ache and i sway
i cant help but try and look away
the thought of them
gets in my every way
every time i think of you
i slowly die
every time i get a letter from you
i cry
every time i smell you
i stop
every time i see you
time stops

Your love is contagious,

your scent is outrageous.

your eyes are illuminating,

your smile is captivating.

every inch, every sound, every memory.

it’s contagious.

Your words-

they are kind,

they are wise.

Your words-

inspire me,

entice me.

Your words-

are contagious.

If you talked in your sleep
i would stay up all night just to hear what you had to say.

As rain hits a cold tin roof
my thoughts-- they stay very aloof.
I think only, of you.
You make up every minuscule part of my thoughts,
every memory, every dream.

I miss their cold house
I miss sittinn w/ them on their couch.
I remember that one time we had to **** a mouse

I miss their smiling faces
even though their was alcohol traces
the talk of their adoption cases

the big giant hugs
the evenly stained rugs
and the spray for the nasty bugs

the personalized birthday cakes
them being there when I wake
those art projects we used to make

their faces when I walked in the door
when we all pitched in to clean the floor
my dad would always snore

the long messages they left on my phone
how I could never ever find a comb
they way we all sang off-tone

I miss when we prayed before diner
we were really all just beginners
all these things I can't help but remeber

prayers in the evening night
the occasional sibling fight
my dad was always right

I love them so much
our story is truly touching
so inspiring and such

even though things got really rough
there is no deny that we were really tough
I didn't get to see long enough

I'm longing for the day
that I can finally say
we are all here to stay.

when we danced in the family room
and in the sring when the flowers bloomed
to the nights where we sat outside and saw the moon

in the summer when we swam at the pool
in the afternoons when they came home from school
to the days it started to get cool

I miss the crazy hair doos
all the days that had been rued
when everyone was in a good mood

when katie wore he skirts too short
and I watched them play basketball on the bball courts
when elizabeth would laugh and then snort:)

when we had that huge waterfight in the backyard
when we would throw pillows at each other really hard
the way we always made each other birthday cards

how we all had to squeeze in our car
the way they liked pickles from a jar
that big brownie that kinda looked like tar

the hello kitty cd player
the giant peppper shaker
and the pro food maker

I miss them with all my heart
it was all ment to be from the start
all of us did our parts.

I miss them

im sorry yet thank you
im sorry for all the times i brought you down
for all my regrets
that i didnt spend every waking moment with you guys before you left
and that i didnt cherish all those memories till now
im sorry for all my bone headed mistakes. and my disrespect powered by hate
that time i never called back.
im sorryi lied to you when you asked if i was ok
and im sorry that i didnt take all those chances that could have changed my life
but in a way- thank you
for forgiving me when i know it was hard
for all my success
thank you for being my brothers and sisters and loving me.
for giving me wonderful memories
thank you
for good friends who forgive me for the mistakes
and my ingenious way of coming back to love over and over again
im glad you called in the first place
thank you
for asking me how i was doing. you kindness speaksand leaves patches of yellow on my broad horizon
for letting me take some chances and succeeding thank you,
thank you alot

don’t even bother to ask if im okay
because every time i keep telling lies.
just to cover up what i can not say
and the truth is slowly dying
no, its growing and will never decay
save me
save me
my fear has grown
and ive gone weak
my feelings are beginning to show
i can barely speak
and i can not seem to let this go


(written in 2o1o)

we all at some point get beat
but something manages to keep us on our feet
we all at some point get knocked down
eventually the good times come back around

Writing.
It will reveal
Things you already knew,
Like the scars you see on your skin.
Lost, Found.

every moment of every day
i think of how i wish things were okay
yet all i seem to hear is lies
said straight to my hopeless eyes
Do you ever think before you drink?
about the hearts you are about to sink?
im almost out of glue
that keeps my heart from tearing in two


(written in 2010)

the snow trickles like blood off a cut,
and the wind howls off the mountain tops.
a certain kind of cold strikes in the veins,
of the those who sit around waiting like an old rickety clock.
those who are astray just waiting for the day that someone will finally say,
words that would never decay.
they will be shot into our brains deep down while we lay,
down for some sleep on the cold snowy day.
a mystical lulaby whispering in our ear .
oh my dear its quite too much of a lovely tune,
for you to doze off so soon.