falling in love with you was like jumping into the deep end
ive never been a very good swimmer
you told me you would teach me
there i was
treading water
thinking i could keep up
thinking i was learning
it turns out you were just warming up
doing a few laps
now here i am
this isnt the deep end
its the ******* ocean
im not treading anymore im drowning
whered you go

my heart ******* hurts
but it only gets harder
when i remember yours is worse

nothing kills more than bleeding
i want to go home now please
missing you is darkness i keep feeding

ive got to stay away
im scared of my own mind
maybe you will understand one day

the monsters inside my chest
they scream and beat the bars
i cant control my self
i hate my every choice

nothing makes real sense
i need to **** myself
im so scared of my death
ill never have the guts

every thought they hurt
i miss being in love
i don't know how to be
alone and by myself

the monsters in my chest
they scream and beat the bars
please help me be safe
i cant control myself

i miss you i miss you i miss you
you hate me you hate me you hate me
you should ya know
i hate me too
more than you ever could

i need you i need you i need you
you hate me you hate me you hate me
im almost used to it now
i knew this is how itd end
i really tried to stop it

i left you i left you i left you
you hate me you hate me you hate me
you should ya know
but the hardest part is
you love me

im a false hope
the kind that lights up your eyes in the dark
dont you see? its a reflection, a refraction
dont you comprehend? you think i caused the spark
but really i turned out the lights

im a dead end
the kind that appears to lead you away
dont you realize? im not going anywhere
dont you grasp? you think you made a wrong turn
but really i drew the ******* map

im a fallen tree
the kind that was struck by lightning
dont you know? i grew so tall on my own
dont you understand? you think you can prop me up
but really im down here willingly

im a stupid girl
the kind thats all alone
cant you help? didnt i scream loud enough
cant you stay? i never meant to be this way
but really *im only going to **** you

the bubbling tar in my chest
hastily swallowed too hot soup
shaky hands sweaty palms
not enough breath
not enough time
never enough of you
kind of love
thats what this used to be
used to be desperate ‘i miss you’s and
whispered ‘i need you’s and
pleading ‘stay with me’s
used to be anxiously awaited hellos and vehemently bemoaned goodbyes
aching days apart and blessed days together
never enough time spent gazing into your eyes
how strange that seems now?
after everything has died
everything but nothing has changed
i still miss you but i shouldn’t
i still need you but i don’t
and now i’m the one that is leaving
our tar is cool and my breath is back
i(love you)'m sorry it's over