The kind of sobs that shake your entire body
And the kind of pain that starts in your soul
But slowly devours you.

The emptiness that is a dark void, extra space
Hollow and echoing
All around and all inside you.

Everywhere you look is someone happier
Someone more accomplished
Someone more full than you.

Pleasure is just a bridge to the next wide expanse of pain
To the next dense forest of loneliness
To the worst things that find you.

It cannot be expelled by light or laughter
Nor can it be warmly caressed into submission
Because it lives and thrives on you.

It was not your choice, none of it was
You would **** it if you could
You would go back to being you.

Strength comes not from blind bravery and knowledge
It comes from pain and suffering and sadness
That have bowed down to you.

Loneliness doesn't come from having no one around you
It comes from having no one truly with you
But it will never be stronger than you.

It's alright, it's alright, it's all wrong but alright
No one's got it all
But no one's here to save you.

I will never regret holding your hand
How can I regret something I once wanted so bad
And if you think the broken memories and promises are collateral damage then you are wrong
I never asked you for love poems or songs
All I wanted was to hold your hand and when I did it felt like thousands of tiny sun splashes were dancing in my eyes my lips and oh my god my thighs
I will never regret because regret in this case is weak
It would defy and soil the what seemed like a bright future
Yes I do not regret but that does not mean the fights were something I looked forward to
The Godzilla like monster I turned into every time you would crawl under my skin because you knew oh you knew
You knew that I liked tea with milk and if you step on my foot I will have to step on yours
You knew too much and yet nothing at all because that’s what it was supposed to be
We would go on yelling sprees over specks of dust
But in everything we did there was a lingering presence of lust and with that always an element of mistrust
It would gnaw on my nerves and rip out cords of my patience
The necessity to repeat, repeat, repeat the conversations made them looooong and tedious
And somehow we didn’t notice how it became so serious
And when we became ignorant we started to fade
Slowly but surly we obeyed the laws of disappearing
One missed call, two unread text messages, three kisses from a stranger
And just like that you disappear.

I
have this
friend,

she will
tell you
nothing
but
the
truth
(which
is too
truthful,
most of the time)

she is
the
type
to know
the code to
the printer,
and will
print off
75
pages
just
because
she can

she is
the
type
who can
make up a
story to
get out
of
anything,
and she
will,
too

and scarily
enough,
I feel
safe
when I'm
around her

and I
find myself
wishing
sometimes
I was
more like
her

and
when she
is not
around,
I'm wondering
who she
is
tantalizing
now

it's probably
some old
*****
who is
just as
uninterested
as she is,
but
he wears
expensive
glasses
and a
fancy necktie
and
this fills
her
void

and yet,
somewhere
in my mind
I know
my friend
will
not
get away
with living
her whole
life
this
way

someday it ends
and
then
what