if i'm being honest with myself,
i am always scared

i am scared that someday i will trip in the
school hallway with everyone around, and
i am scared that my family will stop being able
to take care of ourselves. i am
scared that a third world war will erupt and
it will start two streets down the road from me
and end in my front yard

i am scared that one day i'll convince myself
that nobody really loves me, and, even worse, that
nobody will be around to tell me otherwise. and
i am scared that i'll drown at camp this summer
and i'm scared that if i don't, i will want to

i'm scared of needles and feet and airplanes
and on especially bad nights, i am afraid of the dark.

mostly i'm afraid that i will never stop living my
life on the brink of a panic attack, that i will always
back down from a fight, that i will never learn
to speak for myself, and i am scared that i will never
become anything more than this

I could kiss you
                            and
touch you
                  and
love you
                for my life time
and more.

Something about you
                                      brings my body
to life
           and my brain
flickering fast
                         and
my heart
                beating like crazy.

Love is quite complicated
                                              but it seems as if
we fall gracefully on top of
                                                each other
as if we were the
                              m  iss     ing       pi       ece
to the puzzle that is
                                    human souls.

i have lost feeling on the bottom of my right foot.
i stepped on a broken something
and its sharp edge cut my nerves.
it is one of many.

It's always scary finding out the truth
Especially when it's not what you want to hear
Making you want to just disappear.
Hearing something that hurts so bad
You have to pretend you aren't sad.
Something that you wouldn't believe
Makes that someone , something you peeve
Once you realize it could be true
Or even that you always knew
Just didn't want to admit
Because of how hard it is to quit
-te

everything about you
your eyes piercing mine
your glares in response
to my warm smiles
made me bleed inside
when i go home at night
and think of you
i sit in my bedroom
with my razor in hand
and start cutting
little beads of blood appear
to me it's just a red liquid
to others it signifies pain
to me it means relief
from pressure and stress
it's one of the only times
i can disappear
from my familiar surroundings
and vanish into a world
without pain

scarred hands
grip the pencils
while tears trickle
down my cheeks
and wet the paper
my slanted eyes
are blind with
the tears i've cried
darling, you made
my heart bleed