“why”
i’m angry because i was in love once
and i put everything i had,
every bit of me, out there.
i gave it away.
foolishly.
i didn’t even finish the journey,
the wind shifted and broke my sail,
i was left stranded.
frantically, but cautiously,
i tried to come up with ideas,
ways to fix everything
because i could, i could fix it,
i thought. so i tried,
and i tried,
and-
i tried.
my hands started to hurt but
never mind that, i kept trying
i started to lose some pieces of my ship,
but gods- i kept trying,
i saw hope,
there was so much,
frustrated but still smiling-
gods i’m ANGRY
BECAUSE
I KEPT TRYING
but at the time i wasn’t,
i loved the view i was scared but never angry at the storms that formed,
there were bigger worries
there was a storm in the distance
i saw it growing so i shifted focus,
for a moment..i stopped trying,
lost more
of my ideas
of myself
of my mind
losing grip of reality, i kept panicking
the storm grew heavier
the black clouds surrounded me
this place used to be so peaceful
i used to just be a sailor traveling the sea
i lost my mind
i lost my heart
i lost my time
i made it to shore,
yes, i made it out alive
but what was the point
the hope wasn’t to survive
the hope was to complete
the journey
a voyager who hadn’t finished his journey
i couldn’t, the hope was crushed,
in reality the outcome was impossible,
all elements truly were against me,
i felt small
i made it to shore, but with nothing
i had a few things, yes, and while i’m still rebuilding-
i’m angry because i was left with nothing
not even a friend
not even me
this doesn’t have to make sense to anyone but gods does it have a lot of meaning to me
after a storm like that and so much hope being crushed i’m still healing but that’s the thing, i’m healing. this **** hurts and still stings but
i’m healing