aching bone
chilling thrones
sit with me
i’ll be home
warm and loved
taken care of
let’s escape
build a cabin in the woods
with our minds
this time it’s strong
i can feel it
let me be your medicine
it’s a high dose
try not to overdose
into comatose

you’ll be okay
it’s just a sick,
sick day

transgression
distress, digress
repress then compress
now breathe

everytime i’m alone
and my mind runs
and the gears start to turn,
the oil starts to burn

everytime i think about you
any part of you
i want to rip out my insides
my stomach twists up
my mind freezes up
all i think about
is spilling out my guts
i trusted you
i loved you
i hate you for what you did

i bought a piercing kit
bleached my hair twice in one night
i want to change every part of myself
i want to erase that part of my life
i want to forget about you

i tried so hard
and in the end
i just got burned

i’d go back in time
and relive the days
every day
if i knew we’d end so soon
this way

i’m not going anywhere,
as much as i’ll say,
but it’s just you,
i can’t stay away,
i’ll convince myself, too,
i’ll lie to me, to them
i’ll even lie to you
i’ll put up a front as much as i can

but-
that longing feeling to hold you,
those brutal feelings of love,
the feeling of my hand in yours,
that’ll never leave my heart
not for a long time
you’ve got me wrapped around your finger
i knew it from the start
have a good life
don’t let this be goodbye
but simply
i’ll see you soon?

he is my balance
he is my sunlight
this dudes my glue
******* knight in shiny armor
i wouldn’t be here without you
who ******* knew
from the beginning it was clear to see
you’re my best friend
celebrate yule with me

please let me go home
i’m so lost on my own
i cant stay here and wonder
or sit here and ponder
why i’m still here

why
am i
still
here

i’ve got nothing to live for
my hope slipped away
i’m so scared of myself
i don’t know how to survive another day

when i go

into the ground

i won’t go quietly

i’m bringing my crown

after all this time
i really am still into you

one time i lost my moms trust
for running away
now i’m facing the same pain today
she looked me in the eyes, said,
“i can’t trust you anymore,
you took that away,
it’s gonna take a while”
i sobbed at thought
of losing her trust
because that’s the one thing
i’d **** myself over
the disappointment, the guilt
it’s so overwhelming
i feel like i’m choking and my stomach is eating itself
i have to live with this

i’m supposed to be the one you trust,
the one you love,
and i ****** up.

you’d think i would have learned,
it feels like deja vu,
reimagining child hood memories
that shouldn’t involve you

i tried allowing you to
hold my broken heart
but you only got stabbed by shards
i’m not done hurting
i’m not finished healing
maybe i’m better off dead
if i was then maybe it’d finally be enough

you don’t know me
don’t do that

you don’t think i know
what you’ve done?
be paranoid.

the walls have eyes
and i know

i can’t feel anything
i want to burn again
light a cigarette and press it to my skin
kiss my lips
darling, help me feel again

Why does it feel so alone here
in my own kingdom
a place I used to call home
I'm sitting in my throne
but the vines have overgrown
and the garden has taken over
this sad excuse for a home
this place is more of an empty dome
a prison that I live in
i can’t wait for the day i’m not alone
and i’m finally forgiven

I've destroyed so many things
In my mind
Now its costing me
Every single dime
The damage is done
And the world is mad at me
I can no longer reach out
For a life line
Because now my life
Is on the line
I have my heart in my palms
And its pumping so pitifully
I might as well squeeze
Put it out of its misery

Why did you ask if I was alright
if you weren't going to ease my mind
Why were you so curious
If you didn't plan on helping me tonight
Im not mad
I just want to know
Why you always leave
When I need you the most
I think this is the hardest
I've ever cried
You're probably asleep
And that's okay
I hope you sleep well

Pretty boys are thin
So I'll ignore my growling stomach
Only seeing it as a sign of it working
I'm shrinking

i know the universe is incoherent nonsense, but if the universe could do me a favor and help me find the pieces of myself I've lost on this adventure