I wonder if this is what being in a bar fight feels like
Bleeding into my belly
Nails bitten down to the skin
A tongue that can taste the bitter dryness of my skeleton
A matter of fact honesty that lays into my bones
And grips my ribs
My eyes are thirsty for black nothingness and my mind aches from standing all the time
It's 6am and I need to switch on
But I never switched off
I'm on standby
Like a cracked clay ***
I function but need to be replaced as the cracks will eventually break and no one wants to see everything fall apart
I am hunting for the sound of silence
Desperate to pierce stillness
To just stop and listen to my heart beat
Not for you, or them
For me
My body is like a jelly mould against my bed
But I can't stay awake long enough to enjoy this comfort
Dreams of the following day and anticipated disasters plague me
I need to be prepared
Organised
Ready
Somewhere along the way
I have pressured myself into being perfect
Everything has to be just right all the time or I'll get into trouble
I still don't know what the 'trouble' would be
Just that I can feel it eating everything away
Like a rotten disease
It will spread and taint all that has been signed and sealed with approval
I crave to stay awake and make time mine
At 3am
When the world is quiet
Just to quench the longing for how it felt like to sit and do nothing
I want to stare blankly at a wall for hours without a care in the world
No one would expect anything from me
No interruptions
Or consequences
Just me
Alone
In the calm

The moon is
sitting
in her *****
bathwater,
going cold,
always in
the cycle of
here and
not

why is it
that with
this beauty
I cannot
be happy?

Her fragile hands tailored strands of strings into ship sails
And each of her breaths moved the depths as they grew into gales
To say she moved me would understate the gravity of things
As she sent me to unknown places upon linen wings

And oh, those linen wings would sing and cling onto the air
The ocean foam so far from home reminiscent of her skin so fair
Her voice ever ringing in my head and her touch fresh on my heart
Her eyes in every starlit night making sure home I could chart

Each hour I'd remember the red ember of her hair and her lips
As fragile hands wove those strands with prayers on fingertips
In the light of home she placed pieces of her heart in the sails she made for me
In hopes her beloved would return home once more from the endless sea

So here I journey on from night to dawn, dusk to day
Memories of skin, foam white, and her eyes at night showing me the way
Wishing for the fire of home inside her hair and lips
As she sends gales into woven sail leading me home to her kiss

the
iridescent soul
the
space
inside of
the rose
the
place
where
lovers go

dysfunctional feelings
"I love you too"
exactly my point,
influenced by conformation.
direct deposit
overdrawn enthusiasm
settles my broken heart

He told me that I'm achingly silent
That it torments him
He stares, he waits
But no answer
Just watered black eyes gazing back at him

I said
That's because we don't mean anything we say to each other, anymore