re: visited today April 12th, 2023

Way before aye knew
the name Fletcherism applied
family and friends even the bartered bride
would (tongue in cheek) chide
tummy uncommonly (recherché) atypical dyed
ded if the letter “y” one did elide
in the wool feeding
and/or slaking thirst guide
did precepts sans hungry
deaf eating beast impossible to hide

(the ferocious growling harassing imp -
armed to the figurative teeth ready to pounce
viz casus belli sans reeling off
a pseudo say id dish us vicious jeremiad
me, this unrepentant conscientious masticator,
who re: lied
on self control unbeknownst
to this pumpkin eater
(me not named Peter)
unwittingly followed

the basic tenet of Fletcherism - custom made
modus operandi vis a vis exercising okayed
mandibular metered (when famished),
eyes kept closed while tongue gently played
adhered to practice of eating small amounts,
which discipline stayed
engorging self, and as a result
(consuming sustenance
only when hungry avoiding
(wolfing like an instantaneous blitzkrieg flash)
found me aware visa vis master car ding
marginal increase in pounds meaning
thy body electric weighed

approximately for long stretches
to enable safe passage for sturdy brigs
when a habitue at one or another dining digs
stuffed nibbling on hors d'oeuvre figs
adequately satiating with with oomf
when contra dance caller Scott Higgs
announced "hands four," which signal
helped get my mojo back
and reel lee deuce home jigs,
which indeed kickstarted and syncopated,
oft times espying Bobby Riggs
who years gone back **** Vic Tory huss
e'en when donning apparel of Whigs
like colluding trumpetting molecules
that via tiff ***** doth zags and zigs.

Most favored renter status imposed on us
i.e. meaning myself;
(one tarnished prince of Highland Manor)
and the missus, his princess consort
who must abide by rigorous writ
of tidiness, whereby
every flat surface cleaned
(with our) elbow grease and spit
which weekly inspections
includes a triumvirate,
and when they enter unit b44,
yours truly feigns being a nitwit
paying obeisance to mindless regulations
ranked on par with happy horsesh*t.

In an effort to remain compliance
amidst these green acres
Rural Housing of
Southeastern Montgomery County,
Pennsylvania, the keystone state
one randomly chosen household
unbeknownst to he/him, she/her, they/them...,
which yoked, mandated, and foisted selection,
predicated on recipients;
(courtesy me nsync with frau majesty,
a germane, humble and intelligent jovial
kindred, lovely, mild mannered
natty, opinionated, personable,
quirky, rational, sporty tigress)
presenting outstanding well heeled
spur of the moment ad libbed burlesque.

We spent the better part
of our last seven salad days
dressing up as merry maids;
tidying up our web crawler space
sweeping debris off carpeted floors,
then running vacuum across same areas,
scrubbing the ceilings and walls
of fruit fly feces (say that five times fast),
taking frequent snack breaks
savoring our favorite
cinnamon bun with modest glaze
and for dessert
bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich
healthily lavished with mayonnaise.

Nevertheless, the storm troopers
might find reason
(without rhyme) to evict husband
with dry humor and his wife
(messiness interpreted as insubordination),
whose domestic predilections
yes verge toward universal disorder,
cuz chaos ranks as modus operandi
despite serious intent to impose
gameplan of neatness and tidiness.

I turn toward cosmic consciousness
for guidance and salvation
broadcast courtesy following electronic SOS.

Well...an average sized house
to rent would do the trick
re: lease older married couple
from oppressive scrutiny
Grosse & Quade evince bone to pique,
which low cost accommodations
to occupy one bedroom apartment
here in Schwenksville  
checking account experiences marginal nick,
and reasonable rhyme aside -

which fanciful flirtation with words
does give me Hawaiian punch kick,
but anyway WE NEED/WANT
SAFE AND SECURE PLACE,
whose charisma, dogma, karma
and persona with landlord doth click
ideally indeed livingsocial
within complex edifice
strong as stone and/or
Rhodesian yellow brick.

As genuine appreciation...
I would do calisthenics
and analogous to Origami
backward and forward bend
quickly tearing clammy muscles,
now wonders on a star
if you might become sought after friend
this amiable fellow and counterpart -
a salvation goddess or godsend
to perform property caretaker tasks

cuz I possess aptitude, fortitude,  
and magnitude of motivation,
plus these strong hands lend
for any mechanical appliances
that require attention to mend,
and of course provide necessary
requisite financial compensation
for other expenses to spend
so peace of body, mind and spirit
this clan of deux destine
property tasks dialed up
regarding coast of living zest can tend.

Additionally notion floated
across roiling cyber sea waves
if only some benevolent force
could bestow monetary aid
or mebbe a Good Samaritan
could wave a magic wand
making a NIKE whoosh sound
thru the air like a sharp blade
ah...than the path
to happiness twould be laid.

which poetic product best be affixed
with hashtag STINKY label.

As a young whippersnapper
and one precocious lad to boot,
I discovered common combustible materials
found in the bathroom.

At opportune times,
I blithely tinkered with dangerous chemicals
that could (but never did)
explode into one humongous
fiery maelstrom and
bloom (re: annihilate)
this lad to smithereens.

Window kept open to avoid
un--necessary nor accidental asphyxiation.
After clearing defecation deep within,
the recesses of my bowels,
I thenceforth indiscriminately combined
various household cleansers
and cleaners (in powder
and/or liquid form) into the bidet.

The requisite sphincter muscle
byproduct constituted the key ingredient.
Anyway, my aha moment arrived
one childhood day
that long sought after ka-boom
sent a plume of smoke
in tandem with geyser of water
caused me to feel
flush with excitement.

Waste trill fluttering filled mine heart
(like music to thine ears)
after mine solid waste
***** byproduct went kerplunk
and caused tsunami
on other side of word.

Mere seconds elapsed
before explosive outcome found me
hurled clear across the room
like a bat out of hell.

Fortunate for me that this
natural ****** excretory function
never caused any serious outcome,
nor injury to life nor limb.
Immaculate notes (with graphic pictures –
albeit crude) attempted to document
any pertinent information.

At some juncture
with this private laboratory experiment,
a close observation
(with nose pinched tight)
revealed bubbles of air trapped within
our archaic household plumbing fixtures.

That aha i.e.eureka moment
prompted me to utter “*******”
when a chain reaction similar
to volcanic rush of air took place
within the planet.

With haste not waste,
these nimble fingers scribbled
unintelligible (deliberately illegible
to everybody but myself)
the chemical romance
to light a fire under the buttocks
of whomever happened
to be in need of emptying their bowels.

Now, I eagerly waited,
(albeit with impatience)
for that opportune time
whereby thee unsuspecting child
or adult needed to answer
that alimentary call of nature
my dear Watson.

The moment of anticipation arrived
when a long forgotten accursed relative
visited unexpected, which unannounced
rap on the door fueled fanciful notion
to whip up potion to promulgate prank
within the *****.

Once necessary ingredients,
(which secret formula cannot be divulged –
well maybe for a negotiable fee)
got poured giddy glee
generated gloating from head to toe.

Quick as Jack B Nimble
or his best friend Jack B. Quick,
these skinny legs (spindleshanks) sped away,
yet in close activity to the innocent
by sitter who nonchalantly ambled
into the powder room to tend to private business.

Right ear cocked against wall
that served as barrier between
occupant of water closet and yours truly.

Pleasant barely audible
humming, tweeting, and twittering
(like an angry) bird
singing emanated while obnoxious
guest of dishonor proceeded
to place posterior atop *****.

Seconds ticked by
with every now and again
pages of printed material heard
in conjunction with abdominal
groans and grunts to assist sacrifice
to the porcelain goddess.

Utter stillness suddenly punctuated
by the initial sound of a splash into the crapper.

I cupped hands to mouth
lest any unwanted guffaw slip out.

Instantaneously, our pestilential
kooky cousin kissed their *** goodbye
as propulsion forced the body politick
clear thru the unwelcome ample sized window.

Goodbye Charlie (pseudonym used here
to protect the not so innocent)
soon became diminishing shape
spiraling toward the horizon.

One speck of flotsam headed spaceward
versus the turgid **** joining brethren
into the sewerage cistern.

Written by: Edgar Allan ****,
who required quite some time to recoup,
and with slops pail headed off
to collect specimens from the latest scoop
rearing to go bouncing along
*** signed to another *** rap,
whereby blistered buttucks
hopes to earn yours truly another touché
(**** hay) before bottom smacked
courtesy leader of troop
a strong indigenous native son,
whose **** tressed reputation
recounts storied war whoop.

iz only wishful thinking

Political polls whether advisory still consider
forty fifth president
dangerous, hazardous, lymphomatous...
known to wield violent blows,
his delusional perception analogous
to fable regarding emperor without any clothes
best to handle beast with more'n kid gloves,
cuz he appears immune to mortality
exhibits symptoms hinting death throes,
as synonymous with Covid-19
and lo similar to Phoenix, he rises again,
yet more pressing headline
of immediate portent woes,

whereby Vladimir Putin hankers
to forge one former Soviet Republic
after the other as putty in his hands
squeezing population as malleable tool
wielding iron clad rule across
the webbed wide world as cruel
de facto, harsh, jackbooted,
malevolent oppressive totalitarian
******* up charges against Ukraine!

Pastor Of Muppets –
shout huzzah no mo' Trump
he's Gone er re: ya - ha
especially “father figure”and meme burr
of the Diatribe for Miss Piggy.
About thirty three months until
2024 presidential election
emotional repercussions still reverberate
how reprobate Trump aims to triumph
graduating magma *** lug head
if not him, one of his henchmen
to become leader of the free world
tampering, gaming (gerrymandering),
bribing to ace highest score
viz Electoral College examination.

Noah yam aghast as Donald Trump
once before nominated president elect,
or more apropos apprentice,
a teetotaler exhibits delirium tremens,
drunk with power to reign
brings corporeal bristling
foretells premonition
regarding apocalyptic approaching
dystopian crisis – as Russian troops
get ready and set to aim muzzle
visualized by yours truly
one basket of deplorable fitbit,

whose shell shocked eggs esse
hints did not peter out
re: fate rigged 2016 election
courtesy Russian uber vice squad
to lyft self anointed deity
appalled hike confess
at prospect outsize bully nabbed
most sought after Whitehouse seat - ugh guess
thine psyche fearful that arrogance, indecency,
pomposity, and vivacity
to break ranks and restore Hess

shun militaristic modus operandi
crowning himself grand poobah
King Kong of Amerika - applauded
by a *** dread locked Klansmen less
or more, with spirit of a jolly roger intent
shredding sacred documents,
and creating a horrible mess
ages will require to restore
prestigious, righteous, and officious,
amazing gracious steeped
in legacy of forefathers and mothers,
which democratic rubric

Paine stay king lee
easel lee trampled oh press
sieve lee in sync with missteps
made during on the job training
at national ex pence augments
ominous ramping up of Tess
toss tear roan, wherefore
if happenstance finds Czech mated xpress
train tearing down the tracts,
we the people of the United States  
vouchsafe for a veep ping Petsmart
prodigy to take over – YES!

alternately titled: any resemblance between this title,
and living persons purely coincidental.

Generality maybe doth equate,
this non-overt obvious purpose
to any hidden agenda
insufficient to generate
pitfall of obloquy, ostracism,
and outrageousness
response, nonetheless of late,
this fluttering not alluding
to anything more than
innocuous overture,

no matter this poem tethered,
suspended, and braced
on tenterhooks I await
tinged him, who felt
tempted to communicate,
(albeit vaguely – deliberately),
but yet perhaps bold
daring, and outwardly
enough to arouse,
quiet aspiration begat

upon unspecified social media
hankering suddenly toward
reflexively reaching
for opportunistic masterful bait
I pray no implied
illicit transgression,
hence hope NOT
to induce backlash denigrate
ting logophile predicated
on unintended outcome,

sans this human
spirit did enervate
merely from flattering comments,
that moost likely
will NOT transcend
uplifting virtual fate,
whereat this web surfer
experienced alluring,
captivating, gravitating
intoxicating kindled magic,

yet steers far clear
blatantly didst debate
against broadcasting
explicit sentiments, create
ting unwarranted ballroom
blitzkrieg of potential hate
towards me, cuz aye
merely aim to communicate
em ma nant worthy attraction
toward one modest gal

with true mettle of late
only gently broaching,
how euphoric her comments,
(oft times juiced one word),
affected mine psyche to hum,
jingle, and pleasantly vibrate
and quasi valiantly
tis folly to wait
for "the right
moment," to elevate

an affinity, though aye dont
infer any inappropriate
iniquitous tete a tete,
thus enough clues
(albeit ambiguous), she
unwittingly within rhyme,
her worthy existence I state
hence someone I would
like to date,
you figure logic
of this sexagenarian married man.

Who didst unknowingly, unquestionably,
and unwittingly script vitality
and the prologue to Thanksgiving,
(which theme poem initially written)
about three hundred and ninety seven years,
and nine months after February third 1621,
yet genesis of American November tradition
pronouncing Meleagris gallopavo domestico
sacrificial bird spurred them to revolt enmasse.

Wise no adulation, dedication and gratification
not emphasized the other three hundred
and sixty four days a year
question their role as consumed
end product of taxidermist,
gnome hatter clucks fie against industry where
when thanksgiving gobbledygook brouhaha
glib lets deified whereat
a countless range of turkeys sacrificed veer

rill lee with commendable,
gratuitous and laudatory plaudits
bequeathed to the cook,
who held as the grand umpire
calling bastes time to bring in the pitcher -
though such an action tends
tubby viewed as fowl, with tail feathers there
be fluttering in sync with shutterfly flapping
at least one angry bird

sent to the slaughterhouse -
whose peck within four square
foot locker enclosure
breeds base sill wrath bone,
which Birdseye view dispensed,
though tis grim fate
doth behoove turkeys to rear
up and protest their predestination
forbidding grim intuition

via special Turkish communication
from axe of cruelty,
the butcher will not deem queer
yet questions pop up why
this singular twenty four hour
Fitbit of time fosters the people
to summon beneficence,
and when whatsapp did appear
rent lee clinched this American custom

squawks back hundreds of years
sans "The First Thanksgiving,"
a spontaneous oscillometer
ocular venerated, feted,
and celebrated requisitioned,
when Governor William Bradford
organized a three-day long feast near
the tip of Cape Cod,
which was too far north
of intended destination.

One month later,
they made maximum headway
to Massachusetts Bay
celebrated Native Americans friends,
the year 1621 feasted
between Pilgrims and Wampanoag
at Plymouth Colony a green day
(know your enemy unsung)
arbitrarily chose spread of turkey,
waterfowl, venison, fish, lobster,

clams, berries, fruit, pumpkin,
and squash mebbe fish fillet
Thanksgiving, currently celebrated
on the fourth Thursday
in November by federal legislation
in 1941 recalling hooray,
or more particularly regaling
the maiden voyage 1620
viz a ship called the Mayflower

ambitiously disembarking stalked
by death and injury
from Plymouth, England
for the New World
after a difficult battle at sea
that lasted 66 days;
the 102 passengers roped a deejay,
which essentially doubled up as conductor,
and struck up psalm songs

for a guiding buoyant gull
they named Oak Kay
of the Mayflower landed near
and the Pilgrims began
to build a new home at Plymouth,
whence an annual tradition hay
begat by founding fathers and Mother Nature
incorporating some marketing spin,
thence United States

by presidential proclamation and fiat Gerry
rigged obeisance (essentially honoring
those brave hearts
that dared traverse
the Atlantic Ocean
without life jackets nor a whit,
they didst courageously ferry
themselves in a rickety craft
(where many perished at sea)

since 1863, and state legislation
since Founding Fathers donned gray
powdered wigs (served
to trumpet political stance)
forging fledgling colonies
slated crude establishments and primitive bidet
wrought forth from deep
within the bowels
of fecund fields broke ranks with Britain,
and pioneered United States array.

My motto comprises to exalt in this moment rather than delude myself with any grandiose illusions.

PREFACE: PREPARE TO SET ASIDE A PARTIAL ETERNITY
TO PERUSE THE CONTENTS OF THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE.

Ohm my...volt a mort...
coalescence of coaxed friendship
analogous to miarculous birth
whoa there lovely reader,
no doubt without resistance,
your smile can generate
amp pull power to light up earth
noah matter this totally tubular stranger
unknown to thee as Adam,
evokes an aura, charisma, enigma,
patina, persona...wis spurs this note
to kindle courtesy tinder warm
fine companionable individual connection
exuding sheepish mirth
per intuiting your wool e worth.

I enjoy making accessible, convincible,
evincible, gullible, intelligible,
kissable invoking comments
perhaps on account oof a cerebral dent
though many respondents rage at this gent
sans his playful wordiness leant
only genuine acquaintanceship meant,
and their valuable time spent
to decipher my gibberish,
which binary logorrhea might rent
asunder unsuspecting cyber surfer
evicted out the human league

since possessing propensity
for presenting ambitious, burdenous,
conspicuous, disadventurous, onerous,
and tremendous cerebral task
necessitating hours decrypting
blurb subsequently forcing
whatever gender appended recipient
to an anonymous he/she,  
forsaking their precious time
maybe even unwittingly affecting individual
impacting his/her employment
ending result they/them live in a tent.

This poet knows a mew lion
ranges of feline artful dodging cat skills,
(especially when cavorting among comedians
associated and linkedin with Borscht Belt - ha)
concocting incomprehensible confusing trills.

Some of these claws pickling skills include maintaining mouse sized dignity muttering cheeses crust (while under fire from Stuart little), kibitzing, nibbling on self crafted bon mots, and rubbing dead giveaway crumbs (from double entendres) using all faux paux into thy maw paw cent less whole foods masticating mouth, where commestibles enter without choppers.

Sanguine at one hundred minus thirty six, or two squared + three squared + four squared + five squared + square root of one hundred = an apt and pithy phrase to matt's matrix labyrinth best characterized as a twisted maze (along a boulevard of broken dreams) lodged deeply inside this dutiful dada shackled to an endless role of scullion, but silently gesticulated for salvation.

This spruced up fun guy (and not unduly coy -- see) pines for friendship to cure nostrum from domestic plight i.e. living like a caged rat in cell bite size state.

Just a spoonful of sugar (hummed to that classic mary poppins melody) will most definitely help this medicine go down.

Mine current existence like a modern Henry David Thoreau.

After perusing this rambling prose (from mine being psyche feeling walled in), you might judge this personal struggle more on a par with Oliver Twist.

I sincerely seek salient gallant wings (with or without dish pan hands) to take this humble human being who can (ha) bring a fairy tale ending to my Cinderfella patterned existence.

Away I want to soar no matter such fantasy a fool's paradise.

An extra ticket to paradise (actually four powerball tickets bought today – September 7th, 2023 for that reason) just needs to be made manifest, and thee could be a boon, balm, salve, and tonic plus receive preferential treatment to travel in tandem with one stranger in a strange land.

Only upon surrendering to a deep and peaceful boss ah nova heavy metal sleep, (which dream state will take place soon) does the fictional world (within the wide wedded web of this wayward thinking wanderer) take hold and serve up a brief hiatus to a life devoid of contentment.

This amateur baker would cook up a souffle or rhubarb ken pie if willingly processed from mine own personal lake woebegone awash with raw bits of flotsam and jetsam and empty boxes of powdered milk biscuits, the one with big blue stains on the outside.

San sol invictus served ancient civilizations as their com-stock load.

Like a modern day icarus this wedded warbler mulls the possibility of finding a real live likeness of what constitutes a hologram of his mythic muse, who exudes able bodied confidence donning every filament.

Keep on dreaming cyber buddy, an anonymous reader might think, telepathically communicate or even communicate via email, which idealism goads me to broadcast the following fanciful (and perhaps not so far fetched) feasible find among the frequent purveyors of this website.

The vague nebulous barely perceptible kernel of a fictional account per my own conjured up vision (as pertains to what might comprise a companionable buddy to me) could conceivable materialize into an actual arch de triumphant revelation once landing this wistful nugget of an idea into the conscious of unconscious mind of an unknown galivanting fellow writer, who just by a fluke (of the worm holes populating the universe) finds themself piqued with curiosity about me.

Not a whit of information yet exists about this dabbler of prose, who envisions himself in seventh heaven (no matter he in truth really admits to espousing an atheistic outlook on the cosmos), where fickle finger of fate (usually the middle one raised by an obstreperous onlooker) ideally finds me all in the family within human species able to articulate in a civilly (disobedient) and democratic manner emotions, ideas, sentiments and thoughts with an unpretentious air of sophistication.

Said **** sapien (meaning balsamic scented hominid) would also possess a cosmopolitan demeanor, yet clear of all any modest knotty suaveness, but also able, eager, ready and willing to allow, enable and provide quite an ability to get into an amazing tangle of literary profundity.

This older fellow seriously believes he got borne in an in apropos century and revels in another illusory consideration - aside from trying to summon forth a living gal of flesh and bone from this overactive imagination maybe an accompanying bipedal hominid within medium of time travelling.

Frequent farcical notions flit to and fro inside the biggest *** ***** triggering bonafide premature ejaculations of bonhomie. Case in point hair with not an immensely large head.

This wordsmith would feel at home if transported to the renaissance or medieval ages, or more recently that war between the north and south.

If hedging bets with yours truly being a reincarnated union soldier of yore, you no doubt already can infer, where thy political and more pertinently national federation of me as singularity amidst webbed wide world would get cast.

Okay, the original aim of (what many might hashtag as yahoo) really wishes to explore make believe world, and just maybe ***** inquisitive online browser, who although she might not be seeking male relationship just by happenstance or circumstance experiences some inexplicable necessity to reply.

In the event should lady luck liberate yours truly would be like a divine guiding star, I know best to tamp down any precipitous illusions of grandeur, but would let the natural course of familiarity usher the chap a roan of sacredness to be cherished for however short or long such a friendship might endure.

Oh yes, an ongoing (specifically offline) interaction motivates this doubting thomas fool hardy spurious posting to be ransacked with absolutely total consent in an effort to be plucked from this (utterly difficult to describe) morass of contemptuous husbandry discontent with self, yet consideration to stay faithfully married with wife (since July 25th, 1996) would be a moderately strong consideration.

So, now with a zing
or an unexpected
gold plated invitation after yodeling
hoop ye kin be a yang 2 me yin
Asia step into the digital xing
via summit da fall low wing
written *** jest byte ting
tongue in cheek unsure if phone will ring
in an effort to hear pleasant,
yet discordant musical ka -- ching
for cherished pennies, nickels, dimes,
et cetera from heaven to bring.

(written last year
when out of this world
outlandish accouterments
people did wear
hermetically sealed
of even faintest tear
to avoid contamination
against coronavirus
when wing and prayer
soul saving amazing grace).

Pandemic straps tightly plied girded beltway
unlike any other All fools day
in annals of recorded ("fake") history
western civilization tapestry doth fray
April first two thousand and twenty one
neigh, no time for horseplay

what with coronavirus (COVID-19)
boarded ship of jilted fools
(think **** sapiens)
barred courtesy omnipotent jackstay
furloughed workers analogous
grumpy minions lay
dwarfed by unfortunate global events, née...

germinating, jackknifing, and wreaking havoc
Mother Earth nonchalantly toying
(indiscriminately) regarding humanity
as bestrewing bajillion biohazards berserkly
bequeathing bedlam child's play
just desserts, she doth understandably repay

man/womankind flicked as flotsam and jetsam
vile treatment diabolically heaped,
jubilantly loosed, maniacally pitched
upon her terrestrial firma oy vey
she chokes, gags, laughs raspily yea
rebuffs, refuses, and renounces further abuse.

Nevertheless toothless gumption, albeit feeble
fighting spirit, her survival instincts assail
cumulative environmental destruction
triggered casus belli expelling deadly toxins,
when Gaia doth exhale

since onset of global interregnum
(think virulent spreading poisonous Kudzu
like wildfire biohazard)
since world wide webbed disease
brought grinding halt

consumerist paradigm in lockdown,
nonetheless within brief interim
noticeable clearer air to inhale
amazingly enough postal system...
intact voila... uninterrupted delivery of mail,
the daily highlight experienced

among people emotionally crippled
pasty faced and pale
finds quivering Captain Kangaroo
plus good n plenti proud primates
each dancing and quivering
like a captive quail.

SPECIAL NEWS BULLETIN updated *

Innocuous, yet unhealthy threat looms across
(air/radio) telecommunications devices
where smart electronic devices enthrall
and decree they co-opt role bing boss
linkedin with plenti networks that criss cross
even primitive computers utilizing DOS

by George, which archaic code
once powered Mill on the Floss,
now long since covered over
with flora I lichen and recognize as moss.

Surgeon general Admiral Vivek Murthy
helped found several health-
related advocacy groups and later
tackled the opioid epidemic
and e-cigarettes as surgeon
general during Obama administration.
As the Vice Admiral of US Public Health
Service Commissioned Corps,
he commanded a uniformed service
of 6,600 public health officers globally.

As twenty first Surgeon General of United States
strongly advises against, yet he does not boast
threat looms large coast to coast
watching more than five minutes at most
equivalent machination, the following I post
even at expense of suffering soul
subjected fires of hell;

eternally I will roast
re: guarding haunting experience
analogous visit by fashionably late ghost
recall exhausting 2020
presidential election coverage
able, eager, and ready to prey upon host
whereby curious George experiences
feeling noggin fried like toast.

A carefully worded (fake) communiqué
purportedly the brainchild of one freak
Matthew Scott Harris,
whose jargon puzzling as deciphering Greek
long story short while in utero,

he experienced cerebral leak,
said cheesy mousy man no longer meek
quite evident courtesy literary pique
his haughty style aiming to characterize
generic guy as self anointed Sheikh
sought after acceptance tepid and week.

Nevertheless he speaks/writes truth to power
aforementioned serious risk steeped within
social media platform sensory overload I ascribe,
whereby subliminal messages

voter's blitzkrieg does bribe,
albeit unconsciously,
hence me subsequent rhyme
equals forewarning in
(humane) league with mild diatribe
which receptive yours truly can transcribe.

All joking aside
oversaturation soaking up
analogous to heady delight
groom imbibes wedding his bride
presidential election aye chide
against viewing in excess
(five minutes at most)
affixed to live streaming broadcast
can find thee steadfast staring getting bug eyed
thus hoop fully let moderation serve as guide

cuz the eventual outcome re: guarding
president elect political experts cannot hide
though be wary lest premature ******* trumpets
sore loser candidate, that
bombastic egotistical ignoramus lied
cuz prejudice nsync with pompous pride
for four years to many
the webbed wide world let him slide,
now as one common Joe,
a hardened criminal he best bee tried.

Above title attests how mine mundane mein kampf
insync as a veritable clogged drain oh:
flush with adventure overflowing excrement
er... rather excitement.

Apt aforementioned accurate personal description
believe me not, but urination
and defecation née emergency evacuation
triggered (reasonably rhyming) inspiration
culmination of requisite time
sitting atop porcelain goddess
devoid of hesitation and trepidation
herewith follows mine poetic ululation
hoop fully invites veneration .

Ever since garden variety generic guy
long since experienced being little boy
mean kids constantly teased and bullied me
on account yours truly being small fry
barely invisible to naked eye
bullied (most my entire boyhood)
as scapegoat, I did decry
pleading lame feeble alibi,

especially when punks
threw suckerpunch witnessing,
yours truly feigned falling
upon wounded knobby knee
to avoid me countenance being pummeled
courtesy knuckle sandwich
they threatened to apply.

One puny socially verily withdrawn lad
no surprise experienced suicidal ideation
throughout public school even as undergrad
never wagon figurative tail when fired
from one after another workstation.

Hence metaphorically hermetically sealed self
against incessant beastie boys squirreled away
amidst imaginative escapes courtesy bookshelf
isolates myself, viz remaining figuratively at bay
interestingly enough petrified livingsocial whereby
flesh and bone closely resembled hardened clay

hashtagged Matthew Scott Harris as pipsqueak
deadset to halt physical maturation without delay
anorexia nervosa (modus operandi) did buzzfeed
starved and emaciated lovely bones as main entree
unbeknownst then, but clear as a bell now
emotional state of parents unspooled and didst fray
father and mother aghast their pallor went ashen gray

grim reaper wielding large scythe intimating hooray
approximately half dozen years later
both parents relentlessly vilified verbally hammered
and especially didst inveigh
against their sole singular son
born thirteenth of January
hooded think those folks
who begot me more cruel fate
then being lynched courtesy triple "K."

Gambone builders bought property razed demesne
to escape vitriolic wrath atop roof at Glen Elm, I lay
nevertheless indelible memories emotional reprieve
spiritual succor delivered upon many a bygone May
when heat radiating off shingles served newgateway
passing time and wishing myself far as Norway
or even time traveling
back Catskills circa Borscht Belt,
also known as Jewish Alps oy vey.

Yours truly risk averse
which characteristic,
I declare constitutes curse
thus isolation found me sprawled out
upon wuthering heights
against regular diet of diatribes
delivered carte blanche
with expletive filled verse
toward solitary son ill fate
receiving nasty brutal abuse
considered dying far less worse.

Precious minutes and hours atop
seven gabled hideaway blithely did elapse
me gingerly scuttling out attic window
though agoraphobic and loathe to drop
distance and no longer courting death
no matter concluding life (during
early/mid twenties) total flop
merely wishing rage against
male offspring would stop.

Hurtful words yelled after papa
guzzled bottles of vermouth
(not really, I admittedly prevaricate)
courtesy late father and mother
resoundingly, severely, terrifyingly,
wickedly, violently uncouth
subjected imbalanced earthling
(yours truly - me)
think venomous metaphorical
****** blackened barbs,
viz inconveniently grossly, egregiously

one after another hurtful
figurative daggers antithesis of truth,
albeit synopsis regarding
second born (middle child - sole son)
begat courtesy Harriet and Boyce
upon their psychologically harried
flesh out the womb of young mother
(both parents now long since deceased)
now said heir long in the tooth
wordsmith here wonders why forsooth
he tolerated torturous abuse.

This doodling Yankee
(boot noah dandy)
doth newt lack chutzpah,
tries to finagle Fitbit
fitting figurative footwear,
that ideally Fitzhugh
like custom made glove snugly,
terrifically, unequivocally matching,
thence handily solving Finger
hut two three four issue,
when or if arctic blasts cold

doggedly enveloped Gaea,
whence  humans analogously held hostage
linkedin among fellow Earthlings freezing,
frost bitten, gangrenous hominids
scurrying haphazardly searching vainly
from shelter ring sky
(with mother's little helper)
each primate scrambling
(as unrepentant, recalcitrant outlier)
once (what seems millenniums ago) livingsocial

jackknifed habitat fractured,
essentially damning Crispr bungled ambition
grist for raconteur spewing sought aide
telling tales amidst the mill
by Ponderosa Pine
drawing a crowd of curious onlookers,
who forewent idling away
time structured existence,
thus, nary a clock watcher weathering whims
as mother nature doth channel

capriciously, felicitously, and indubitably
stripped away facade housing Potemkin Village
bow ring pastime asper watching paint dry,
now tis each man, woman and child to
(seeketh dale and hill re:)
to duff fend themselves,
whereat mortality will steal
immoral majority linkedin
encapsulated, housed, kindled
within luxurious faux charade existence

capitalistic dreams engendered existence fleeced
devoid of featherbed,
indeed mollycoddled memories
yanked wherein current rank and file
endowing superlative creature comforts
reduce wretched survivors
scant band of bare naked ladies
beastie boys, foo fighters
espying counting crows
ready to buzzfeed toe kin **** sapiens

bereft, expunged, faux invincibility kickstarting
learning basic survival skills
forced to rescind twenty first century trappings
shifting paradigm sans primacy
pitting dishabille helpless imps
against pearl jam killers
who do not shrink
from ethically principled covenant,
but give full reign to selfish
callous deleterious foibles,

gruesome harmful indiscretions
sprouting with mushroom rhizome rapidity
ousting the  omnipresently
(well nigh since time immemorial
virtues cultivated, futilely
integrated, lending oomph
residentially, scientifically
tendering ubiquitous DNA
foisting gabled, heralded, instilled,
justified kneaded love thy neighbor motto

lyft ting in one fell swoop delicately
embroidered, finely graven, heavenly ideals
no more patent leather shoes reflecting up
nor as iterated doodling uber Yankee
staking claim to fame
via feathered cap made of macaroni
thus such jingoistic, holistic,
fabric ripped retroactively
ramping atavistic simian base,
thus leveling the playing field.

Preface:
Earlier today May 28th, 2021,
the 12-member jury unanimously
found Cristhian Bahena Rivera guilty
of first-degree ****** in brutal stabbing death
sentenced to life in prison
without the possibility of parole
of Mollie Tibbetts remembered as then friendly
20-year-old who was studying
to become a child psychologist.

IOWA CITY, Iowa
(killingly, jarringly inexplicable,
horribly, gruesomely, and forlornly),
the body found July 18, 2018,
an exhumed decayed corpse
belonging to young
vibrant coed twenty year old
college student Mollie Tibbetts.

Impossible mission to deduce
senseless killing of innocent babe
wild speculation perchance
spurned, snubbed,or scorned
love seriously gone wrong,
she who disappeared
from her small hometown
in central Iowa sad swan song
now plays, where every
last drop of sorrow rung,
now weeping family, friends,
relatives, et cetera subjected wrack
with lifelong emotional pain,
which searing inescapable
grief twill unrelentingly track
ferociously, fiercely, and figuratively,
doth disallow recourse
to duck away
from heart wrenching quack
king unbearably, terribly, and scathingly
will fully bill leave ably
beak homing a folly,
mockery, and travesty,
sans time heals
all wounds (truly "FAKE"),
nonetheless psyche riving tragic
(irrevocable loss) doth pack.

Grievous punch greater then any
all star olympic pugilist
straight to the ab
domain of opponent, where
rumor mongers mill and blab
how this, that, or
another potential suspect,...
whence tissues dab
corners of crying eyes,
an endless stream
of tears merge with gab
bullying utter disbelief.

Family/friends question
the supposed almighty
at devastating loss
to do nothing but bawl (at Baal)
into the fox sized rabbit hole
trying with futility
to block (even crawl
ling into every
rabbit hole) no bastion
against implacable
maddening crowded
house alive with murderous frenzy,
and a dialect (non
tickling) gentle Iowan drawl.

Third anniversary regarding
asper the impossibly steep toll
the purposelessness killing,
aforementioned deceased  
affected sodden wet soul
cannot process any (defying) logic,
a foregone lovely gal (same age
as my youngest daughter),
whose missed presence,
(albeit said slain lass
Mollie Tibbetts – permanent absence),
now created an expansive
infinite black sink hole.

noticeably decreases in one direction.

I take lock, stock and barrel
to revisit good ole days of yore
quite conscious undeclared state of war
prevails within body electric of troubadour
now seated at his Macbook Pro
another reasonably rhyming poem
I hope to score
signalled by satisfaction
qua eye of the tiger doth roar
today February 18, 2023.

Since January thirteenth of this year
(two thousand and twenty three),
yours truly suddenly feels
long in the tooth (actually
I wear dentures), nevertheless
yours truly languishes within
self made prison and feels auld,
a shy person, who rarely exhibited bold
lack the benefit of powder milk biscuits,
he whose decrepit body and

gnarled hands ice cold
rigor mortis virtuous vice grip extolled
inoculated against coronavirus
(COVID-19) motherlode
staving off silent grim reaper
swinging scythe catching
(in Old English, scythe spelled siðe)
another mortal into his fold
analogous to discovered vein of mined gold
mine lovely bones clutched in deathly hold

ore yonder church bell knolled
anonymous sexagenarian
(any strong resemblance between said poet
whose dead head lolled),
and once living person purely coincidental)
death and decay, I lichen to mold
scant personal possessions outsold
to highest bidder courtesy
subtle nod auctioneer told
across webbed wide wold.

Dead weatherbeaten and fatigued soul
with absolute zero regret
no longer being alive,
especially when endurance and stamina
took kamikaze nose dive
formerly buzzfeeding
desiccated honeycomb hive
where I bumbled along

and learned how to boogie woogie and jive
in tandem with former anxiety riddled psyche
need no longer worry
his existence perfect example
how hardship did misthrive
death be not proud penultimate quest
since adolescence (think anorexia nervosa)
he did (unsuccessfully) strive.

At long last... beastie boy attained nirvana
routing hellish existential crisis
courtesy earth, wind and fire
rendered null and void celibate journey
knight in shining armor
forever staind and tarnished
compliments verboten extramarital whoopie.

Herewith I forthwith take poetic license
linkedin to long line of mamas and the papas
whose music died
when passenger(s) violently perished
courtesy flaming inferno
analogous to Le(a)d Zeppelin 129
christened Hindenburg.

Along similar blurred lines
foo fighter manned ****** temple pilot
Jefferson Airplane qua Starship
gracefully and slickly
deliberately maneuvered crash test dummy
immediately annihilated upon impact
smack dab into puddle of mudd,
yet lo and behold as a foreigner
and survivor yours truly eluded dire straits.

Oz (zee oz born during
baby boom generation)
and suppose during
whirlwind Kansas tour,
while snatching forty winks
in toto working out kinks,
I experienced revelation
regarding divine creator - Egypt me
never securing life, liberty

and pursuit of happiness
elusive weltanschauung as understanding,
the mysterious Sphinx,
yes essentially zilch joie de vivre
minus high jinks
aptly summarizes mein kampf methinks
my life and hard times,
whereby vitriol pelted me
courtesy those rat finks.

Nihilistic zeitgeist
apocalyptic outlook sacrificed
no redemption no matter
kidnapped without ransom
concerning grateful dead heist
how figuratively purposelessness sliced
unlike mum man crucified Jesus Christ.

Even as an old curmudgeon, aye pucker
and raspily suction, albeit toothless mouth
drawing reminiscent guffaws affecting
(think feeble attempt
impersonating plumber plunging -
unclogging backed up toilet),
flushed with satisfaction,
now snakes into following non sequitur,
whereby then upperclassman,
whose name Scott Lambert

I suddenly remembered
modest fellow one year my senior  
- donned tee shirt
“please support your local ******”
yes folks back in the day,
one long haired pencil neck geek
palled around with another
hirsute nerd - Roger Kummerer,
(who both of us graduated Methacton
High School class of 1977),

and yours truly readily
admitting, alluding, and attesting
without shadow of doubt
representing the dumber
than rocks of said rolling stones
foo fighting beastie boys
allied with Smokey and the bandits,
the latter donning outsize
particolored grey pachyderm trunks,
Tuscaloosa so far away;

especially as Mummer doth strut
on unseasonably warm New Year's Day
sporting polar bear look-alike
gabardine garb getup trumpeting,
merrily squeezing Charmin
rubbing her/his tuchus
excellently exhibiting posterior
as chief motormouth sound
of combo motorboat hummer.

Mein kampf elapsed distressfully
even now scores of decades later
ah..., the joys of amazingly aging gracefully
recalling happily never
being beat into pulp daily courtesy
imagine dragons saving me hide  
'though dimming sense and sensibility
before (appearing gratefully dead)
lifeless body dumped into gully,
nevertheless all the while fully
maintaining consciousness, and forcefully
summoning forth latent powers gleefully
choking living daylights masterfully

delivering just desserts upon Tom Viglione,
whose plaintive laments truthfully
resonate as blessed music
to ears unaccustomed hearing pitifully
sounding long overdue comeuppance
forever disbelieving wrongfully
perpetrated intimidating injustice
witnessed courtesy mine doppelgänger,
who wanted to strangle  
the m*r f*rs yearningly
fueling an ordinarily meek lad
only in his dreams, he envisions zestfully.

Pugnacious thuggish hooligans... although
decades long since elapsed,
whereby muscle bound hoodlums
jockeyed to rain
one after another verbal Hawaiian punch,
and bandied fist viz physical blow
threatening introverted diminutive boy
who, no surprise did eventually,
albeit (shamefacedly, sneakingly,
and stuntedly) didst grow

(as an aside resembled anorexic
Kris Kringle **... **... **...),
which long sleeved Santa suit
rendered invisible liver spots;      
said epidermal splotches black and indigo
wracked (in my pinion), impacted, and affected...,
this punster, he haint Joe
King, but upholds true value
nudging anonymous reader to chuckle
thru contrived written words y'know

good humor less or mo'
yours truly aspires toward po'
whit tree linkedin with infusing,
feebly, lamely, and quirkily
(no matter recognizing ex post facto)
impossible mission reporting punks to principal,
hence describing, envisioning, forsaking passivity
as defensive modus operandi status quo
finally freeing mine unsung
inner foreigner juke box hero.

Though I wrote no book
attention summoned to look
at following--->>>

predicated upon past and present, I gauge
will offer ogre golden opportunity
to rewrite anarchistic playbook page
with rightist extremist to rage
usurping future political stage
cuz civil war he aims to wage.

Impossible mission, nonetheless
eschatological, diabolical, critical...
dire straits betokens armageddon.

Upon virtual wall wordsmith
nsync with adept graffiti artist wrote
toadyism prevalent when electorate will vote
on Tuesday, November 4th, 2024
Grand Old Party trumpets intent to smote
vestige of liberty,
where outspoken libertarian orators quote
freedom fighting martyrs
cite American Democracy legacy as footnote
hellacious, ghoulish, fiendish,
egregious demagogues cutthroat
eliminated candidates begetting antidote.

Courtesy human papilloma virus (HPV)
begets growth(s) designated as wart
unwanted infection easily remedied
unlike deadly societal blight necessitating
mandatory voting obligation to thwart
lest one unwittingly greenlights
horrible malevolent former poor sport
forty fifth president of United States
twice eluding impeachment
earned him dubious distinction
counts mobocracy within in his court
even at expense sacrificing
national pride birthing enfant terrible
monster Roe versus Wade cannot abort.

Above prognostication gives casus belli to y'all
bespeaks impending apocalyptic windfall
Spanish and English writing on border wall
homegrown garden variety apprenticed screwball,
muster civilians and military troops coup to marshall
law brinkmanship ticks doomsday clock, hence the call
weapons of mass destruction concomitant ashfall

overthrowing pathological megalomaniac
née commandeer of human abuses free world oh God,
this exclamation ******* courtesy house atheist
runs ruinously, reprehensibly, rampantly roughshod
scaring out bejesus within winkin blinkin and nod
land of powdermilk biscuits and raw bits promises
to become ground zero predicated boneheaded clod.

Atrocious, cantankerous, egregious,
grievous, ignominious... dispensing
most every venerated, ushered, touted,
sacred, revered, pronouncing
progressive amendments dead
on arrival blithely shredding to tatters
hard won diplomacy courtesy talking head
likewise progressive reforms since Fred
Flintstone days of yore shelving
codied, ratified, sanctified... shed
jeweled important legislation,
plus Russian musk cows to wed
Putin on the ritz.

Blasphemous, cantankerous, deleterious...
execrable folly... doth seed
subsequently begetting and breed
anarchy, chaos, hell, plus helps
foment pernicious, ominous,
noxious, malodorous... misdeed
pitting one against another creed
internecine warfare, where liveried
troops don (auld) alternative energy
fighting gear powering, i.e. ac/dc freed

one or more ***** deed
done dirt cheap reducing at lightspeed,
the hard fought/won democratic
inalienable rights purportedly guaranteed
by United States constitution,
(though oft times bias, i.e. reed
anti semitism, charade, facade...) heed
trample equality, morality, universality...
making mockery (attested bleed
courtesy flagrant historical extant bigotry,
chicanery, depravity... greed).

Yours truly wears non matching
Buster Brown shoes and socks,
nevertheless I step off figurative soapbox
dodging any lobbed missiles or rocks,
no surprise bullied by same jocks,
who tormented me during high school
probably tattooed, pierced, and bald of locks
unlike yours truly, he sports quasi dreadlocks
as aging pencil neck geek feeling giddy
giving above inebriate of air spiel
quite alarmed as time ticks    
countdown approach to doomsday
when apocalypse harkened and heralded
courtesy atomic clocks.

Found yours truly
a grateful dead head
convenient scapegoat dejure
Norristown police officers
fingerprinted me for
casual postal employment
linked to vicious brutal crime
someone else who shared
identical name and fingerprints as mine
the latter of corpse far fetched
stole social security

I ream member –
being held ransom
bound and gagged
if paperback writer
wrote story resultant account
would total about 300 newpages
printed August 16th, 2019.
    
Despite never committing
major criminal offense
routine dactylogram
pointed ****** finger of guilt
at me, and an all expense trip
paid to high security prison.

I initially thought ruse
as cruel prank (Ritz large),
and utter nonsense
good humor quickly melted away
nsync with sense and sensibility
after getting roughly manhandled
courtesy dense sumo size wrestlers
(think Andre the giant)
humongous state troopers.

They spoke staccato rapid
fire automatic gunfire tongue
with unfamiliar accents,
and kept no holds barred
steely iron tense grip
upon this skinny, shy, scared...
long haired pencil necked geek.

Said uniformed, nasty mean looking,
heavily muscled, pierced, tattooed...
armed to the dagger oh type teeth
gendarmes escorted, forced, shoved...

These foo fighters,
not friendly village people,
nor Mister Fred Roger type gents
violently tossed yours truly...
carelessly knocked out
any remaining toothless cents
from out my noggin.

Slam dunked me
into back seat bullet proof
partitioned cheaply tricked
paddy wagon went these lovely bones.

Events of my life passed
before myopic mind's third eye blind.

These hooligans counted as nothing
but hoodlums from Bedlam.

A "FAKE" outlaw film
of unreel projections,
unspooled, and untethered
within fifty shades of fist size gray matter.

Surreal elegance definitely
case of mistaken rather stolen identity
perpetrator(s) data mined
under my uber outsize honker
mine outside Semitic schnozzle
created double blind spot.
    
Yea twas while aye became entranced,
mesmerized, yoked (albeit visually)
courtesy aromatic exotic incense
held this hybrid piqued bishop,
chain mailed (gratis
United States postal service)
good knight captive,
where agents provocateurs
kickstarted, out maneuvered,
and pinned yours truly with engulfed  
par excellence for the course.

Aforesaid mean drama
played out across mine
mien anxiety riddled body electric.

Analogous to once upon time
life size chess board,
I felt marshalled
(tuckered out nonetheless)
like life size pawn
gambled as live pièce de résistance.

Of thee virtual netherland...
courtesy one spellbound wordsmith
within apartment b44
nestled within a manor
(and manner of writing)
atop nondescript Schwenksville highland.

All gibbets zing aside
I got noose for you,
yours truly enjoys harmless chide
ding even kibitizing about,
when cessation of consciousness occurs
leaving terrestrial plane
frequently incorporates divine spirit as guide
absolute zero escape
regarding death to override.

Oft times ('specially
these latter unsainted days and nights)
death doth haunt me atheistic zeitgeist
which thoughts of my demise
crowds out purposeful thinking
in the twitching mind kempf
paradigm of this atheist
hence, he betook himself
to this MacBook Pro,

while swiss side dull ideations
for professional intercession,
deadline could not wait
asper affecting s cathartic,
emetic, harmonic tete a tete
and providing a meaningful surrogate
to expunge morbid mental state
accessed Open Office
and let fingers (of left hand)
do talking heads

to an imaginary therapist
across this qwerty keyboard
allowing, enabling, and
at the quickest typing rate
striving to cap cha dismal, gloomy,
and ill lust tree us deplorable
mood aye equate
with pitching into
a bottomless abyss where pate
fed ceaseless diet of NON GMO –

a last repast
the grim reaper did orchestrate
gluten free, an extra heavy dose
of monosodium glutamate
which ingredient doth
BuzzFeed thine appetite
for total mortal exterminate
'thou no need fermi to rush,
where angels fear to tread,
cuz tis better late

than never, the apothegm,
credo, ethos...foreign ha Kate
the caterer maintains
an open exit from life,
and cares only
that each soul doth feel elan,
joie de vivre, and psalm times
a leaper chants, ecstatically finally
gustatory humming don't jubilate
for your final homecoming, or else
the mailer daemon lived
a devilish life will instigate

a de coup age d'etat,
but such extreme
measure for measure heed doth hate,
yet exceptions always made for a date
particularly when henchmen to die for
golden opportunity
to ****** a generic guy a create
an underground soiree will cease,
when ashes master
of hell raising circumstances
twill use as bait
let underground missionary be advocate.

As prospective students
ably ready themselves to matriculate
and/or first set little feet
inside halls of learning,
I rebroadcast a poem crafted
at the height of Covid-19.

A couple years gone back educators
adaptation regarding coronavirus
severely impacted on the classroom,
which modifications necessitated school boards
to rejigger methodology teaching paradigm,  
quite herculean feat yours truly
(self tasked himself with assignment)
attempted to encapsulate difficulty courtesy

his handy dandy trademark poetic flair;
through arbitrarily chosen words,
nevertheless encompassed feeble effort
forthwith present authored outcome
read endeavor printed below,
which attempt barely hinted
at near insurmountable obstacles
pandemic loosed upon webbed wide world.

The following reasonable
already obsolete rhyme
verst animated mine
faux class (sic) lilting brogue
courtesy coronavirus (COVID-19) rogue,
wrought approximate sixth month academic hiatus,
nevertheless September 1st, 2020
signaled resumption of school year
back in vogue.

Countless challenges abounded
as millions of students
(darting to and fro, hither and yon
analogous to flagellated spermatozoa)
did re:zoom
even fetus soon did kickstart
to get academic jumpstart while in utero
eventually nudged out of womb,
whence a new born babe
cradled in mother's arms
lulled to sleep listening to Mozart
while older siblings

awaited crossing guard signal
when one after another
bus came by... vroom,
whereby administrators established
virtual and/or actual room
adapted to delegate assignments
as reported by local newsroom
facilitated by unrenown,
unstoried, and untutored writer,
most likely a bonafide married,
and once former unbridled groom.

Though mind boggling, death defying,
and harrowing scenario daring to crisscross
(dangerous information
super highway road)
confronted those most qualified to teach
impressionable minds to overload,
nevertheless I envy those learning
courtesy high tech mode,
whereby inquiring inquisitive young students
taught abc's including
modus operandi how to code.

Virtual golden (gated) opportunity
spectacularly presented to bridge,
kickstart, and buttress children
immodestly excited and
amenable to learn online,
while one old googly eyed
aging pencil necked geek
made his poetic cameo appearance
crafting awareness about severe complication
hash-tagging those best equipped to instruct,

which alternatives pinterest me
linkedin, trumpeted nsync with
tried and true orthodox methodology
(think white/blackboard
with markers and/or chalk respectively),
who by the way never got chosen to
clap erasers outside,
neither folded flag ditto after said
emblematic sanctified cloth unfurled,
nor ever served as safety patrol.

Though born within baby boom generation,
I horrendously, nobly, royally struggled
to acquire cognitive consonance
invariably experiencing cognitive dissonance
who floundered like a fish out of water
forever barely achieving passable grade.

Bard of Perkiomen Valley
readily attests de facto failure
if hypothetically enrolled
in kindergarten today,
he would get demoted to preschool
(a slight bit of hyperbole),
thus laments abysmal track record,
whereby attending conventional
schools of hard knocks
situated within Lower Providence district
emotionally fractured psyche
until this very waking moment,
and moost likely mine
remaining tenure on Earth.

Concomitant to foster
misgivings of wretchedness,
I harbor jealousy
at young whip smart kids,
who already possess laudatory command
concerning salient technological knowhow,
me far beyond paternal parental stage
yet speculate how child raising
could allow, enable and provide
insight into latest
cutting edge binary wizardry.

Less impactful upon precocious
boys and girls hungry
as a caterpillar for knowledge
included protracted time eons ago,
when fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters
experienced opportunities to
relish countless hours whittled away
being tutored as son(s)
and/or daughter(s) for stereotypical roles.

Within realm of cyberspace
positive kudos extolled mentoring progeny
about rudimentary concepts
(plus edifying offspring
about all encompassing
social media platforms netiquette)
aided in turn with
sophisticated computer programs
(possibly created by little Einsteins)
invariably lovingly bonding (yeah right).

A worst nightmare loomed large
notification courtesy Montgomery County
Assistance Office caseworker
implied medical coverage axed
I felt hammered, nailed, shingled out...
livid with rage
frenzied, harried, jarred...
railing away
fit tubby tied to train tracks
ready to **** myself,
but dang, I ain't got enough funds  
to cover funeral  
or preferably cremation costs.

Bajillion dollars for medications
yikes - anxiety/panic attacks
slated to return with vengeance,
no way to pay hearst driver/
nor burial services
grave diggers will mutiny
unable to calm down
a bottle of tranquilizers...
and/or sharp pointed objects
appeared very tempting
questions needed answering ASAP!

Telephone numbers yielded voice menu
dialed Consumer Service Center
for Health Coverage
at long last - a real person
thank dog.

Whew - informed of short checklist
checking account transactions
backdated to June 2023
until most recent activity
slight sigh of wry tears relief
grace period until August 2023
accessed Citizens account online
of course Login fraught
with problematic issues Yow.

Chose new password
finally accessed anemic
measly anorexic balance
scrolled mouse pointer
highlighted/copied designated dates
pasted said information
into Word document
ah...prints esse finally blessed me
folded half dozen plus pages
affixed three postage stamps
out apartment door
slipped material into onsight mailbox.

Breathed sigh of relief
agitation subsided within core
rage against human machine (me)
penuriousness smarted, vetted, yipped...
analogous to pet peeve
emotionally exhausted and spent
penniless poet plopped into bed
instant sleep refreshed
highly cooled figurative heels
subsequently resumed hashtagging
black and decker tooled mindset
concomitant with grievous bitterness

decried flagrantly mucking potential
squandered so many
prime vocational opportunities
severely compromised thank you;
loathsome debilitating panic attacks
years gone by;
voluntarily enrolled institutions,
albeit of higher learning
hopscotched from one college/
university after another
work history record scattershot
unable to sustain employment

intermittent jobs between
prolonged gaps, deemed
expendable, replaceable, unmarketable...
great boost to self esteem
qualified to receive
Social Security disability
predicated on serious
mental health issues
to recapitulate incapacitated
presumably congenital aberration
other than above internal melee...,
I feel Gr-r-reat!

Although heterosexual
predilections punctuated
physiological pulsations
about five inches below
innie belly button of mine
showcasing undersize
male member, when fully *****
not much to crow
about, contributed
diminished masculinity within
body electric regarding

wordsmith crafting poem
linkedin with his feelings
of diminished machismo
male sexuality sputtered
courtesy handy dynamo
powered ample male
germ cells birthing offspring
two healthy females born
approximately twenty six
months apart, thine eldest
born right at Capricorn

cusp, and youngest made
her debut exactly where
Aquarius midpoint bitter
cold day ideal for Esquimau
one grateful father
prematurely ******* fantastico
blessed gift, which helped
reinforce against being
emasculated empowered
at reproductive prowess
happy as a lark feeling

indomitable as Geronimo
an Apache leader and
medicine man best known
for his fearlessness
in resisting anyone–Mexican
or American, who attempted
to remove his people
from tribal lands ruinous
and sacrilegious historico
plus torturous legacy settlers
gawking, kickstarting

and muckraking mistruths
about indigenous people
shamelessly reducing
so called "noble savages" as
one after another charade,
façade ******* up lame
excuse to invade sacred
hallowed lands impresario
gigs stereotypical presumptions
didst buzzfeed fire
re: kindling sparking eventual

their genocide insult
to injury courtesy diatribe
deliberately fomenting ill
will, where Native peoples
at receiving end of jingo
token "fake" reverence
bestowed upon rightful awk
queue pants place evidenced
courtesy place name
whether state, county,
borough... such as Kickapoo

hollow benevolence meted out,
but obliterating cult
chore wars hashtagging
"redman," courtesy eminent
domain of "Turtle Island"
indignantly stolen by Forbe
heirs by trumpeting
school of vandals battering down
millenniums back once
impregnable walls of Jericho
indefatigable marauders

wrought wrongs upon in us
sent occupants proclaiming
might of arms justifiable
reason (not necessarily with rhyme)
to smote women
men and children down
with deadly force transforming
happy go lucky agrarian
festive folks thriving landscape
courtesy brute force
utilizing mo' sophisticated weapon

re: of mass destruction
rendering harmonious leitmotif
presaging tranquility said
near picture perfect Kodak
moment lifestyle into
veritable charnel/slaughterhouse
desecrating thence scattering
lovely bones + trappings
of then helplessly, melancholically
quickly vanishing oral
culture to the four winds,

where archeologists painstaking
efforts piece together
long extinct histories analogous to
All the king's horses and
all the king's men couldn't put
Humpty together again,
nevertheless tragedy writ large
indelibly etched upon
collective consciousness longview
hounding one doggone
muttering long haired pencil neck

geek three score plus four years;
he reflects upon ****
sapiens wanton killing
of docile brothers and sisters part
and parcel of same genus
and species differentiated by:
creed, gender, language,
nationality, race, religion, ***,
et cetera since time immemorial
inherited without choice

genetic predisposition nsync
with environmental influence
(liberal Unitarian upbringing)
wages internal war against
himself, and times gone
by mentally toyed with notion of
homosexuality, yet never acted
upon said impulse
somewhat attributed and linkedin
with anticipated regret.

Constitutes the world’s largest
first-party data platform
for insights, activation and measurement

Earlier today August 28th, 2022,
a representative from aforementioned
market research company
fielded political questions to yours truly.

The young lady at other end of telephone
(little baby crying
accompanied the background)
peppered me with salty queries;
I replied with personal feedback.

Such inquiries got me thinking
about countdown to 2022 midterm elections...
from August 28th, 2022 at 4:59 PM

Above identified important date
when voters go to polls
10 weeks, 1 day, 8 hours away.

Nast T. contrived Pachyderm(s)
spar against Equus asinus,  
the former issuing trumpeting sounds
emulating courtesy jabbing a loose tusk
“The Art of the Deal” hip hip hooray
truckling tutored toadying troopers
signaling viz unfurling trunk hated votes
will finagle, snaggle, wrangle...
hook and crook to get their way
Don auld (hold) hate inside,
nor unroll your red carpet, cuz...
January 20th, 2025 trumpets,
return of the native (hardy) son
with pen sieve (my cull) word play,
when truculence becomes fashionable again yay!

Tipping the scales and approximately weigh
ying two hundred and fifty pounds
courtesy chowing down McDonald's
fish delight specially cooked up today
er... rather bare'n his teeth on Sunday,
when said Golden Arches patron
hungrily wolfs down favorite meal,
a valuable selling point
fast food giant could portray.

In truth, yours truly a liberal Democrat
with humorous zing
double entendres ahead
look out when cross xing
into pun one mock two zone,
I gently ply hitting
left field homers courtesy upswing
titillating madding crowd
generating suspense pulse quickening
political kibitizing more left-wing
versus common joe
biden his time crafting moderate
reasonable rhyme fulfilling
personal literary quest.

Two plus months hence...
government of the people,
by the people,
for the people,
will perish from the earth
unless voters choose wisely
when the 2022 United States elections
held on Tuesday, November 8, 2022.

During upcoming midterm election year,
all 435 seats in the House of Representatives
and 35 of the 100 seats in the Senate
36 gubernatorial seats
27 secretary of state seats
and 30 attorney general seats
will be contested. ...
other statewide elected offices include
lieutenant governor, auditor,
controller and/or treasurer and more.

This will be the first election affected
by redistricting that followed 2020 census.

All kidding aside yours truly
would sooner groom Frankenstein's bride
to occupy Oval Office versus
******, raunchy, randy, and paunchy narcissist
otherwise referencing forty fifth president
of United States a bonafide and certified

threat to democracy, a sore loser who decried
outcome of two thousand twenty election
razor thin winning margin courtesy blue party
electoral college elucidation edified
although squabble ensued electorate fortified,
nevertheless elephant in the room glorified
present day divisiveness
impossible mission to hide.

revisited January 23rd, 2024
on the evening before yours truly
(the one and only Matthew Scott Harris),
a stand up comic wannabe, who
historically heartily hales
from Schwenksville, Pennsylvania
undergoes oh joy rapture colonoscopy.

Three days before that first appointment
with estimable gastroenterologist
Doctor Kellen Karl Kovalovich
regarding upcoming procedure
scheduled for August 17th, 2022),
unfortunately yielded inconclusive results
meaning the excretory material
not satisfactorily expelled.

Though necessary to swallow
four Dulcolax laxative tablets,
plus additionally quaff half
238 gram bottle of Miralax
over span of eight hours,
and if necessary
even apply one Fleets
(or store brand) Enema.

Ideally Vaseline ought be applied
to the enema tip to avoid abrading
sensitive skin surfaces.

The missus located lubricating fluid
she purchased Trojan lubricants
Continuance Essence at Adult World
when a clearance sale
at said store took place.

As a more effective modus operandi
aforenamed said specialist
strongly advised taking Su-prep
in place of Miralax, which  
two step process already begun
earlier today, which
date mentioned in first line.

I grudgingly accept short lived
lower abdominal discomfort
linkedin with gushing watery stools
analogous to reasonable and tolerable
assault upon me derriere
considerably less severe than shigella
tube be worth knowing
nada worry colon cancer
would pose grave threat.

I remembered first colonoscopy
specialist named Larry Borowsky
located 525 Jamestown Ave. #101,
Philadelphia, PA 19128
(challenged courtesy hearing difficulty,
hence he wore an auditory device)
treated me some half dozen plus years ago,
yours truly didst solidly waste,
rather subsequently spent
a few hours writing, toil letting,
and crafting the following bupkis
slightly modified to correspond
with present modus operandi treatment.

Ask any devotee  
of above named gastroenterologists
officious military licensed cheeky knucklers,
ne’er kissed gluteus maximus,
they soldiered thru medical school
despite getting pooped out
rigorous regimen now both know
vital details regarding bowels of human
excretory system, which iz alimentary
and familiar flickering

sleight of hand linkedin
quicken wrist zooms into grab bag
of medicinal tricks - mimics
waving magic wand bitta bang
prestidigitation abracadabra
of **** scope brings – dang
gustatory scenic aerated holy smoker
of a ******, a wasteland fang
less, but the backside seat,
where ****** berries

and/or polyps sometimes hang,
whence undergoing this
behind the scenes procedure
where smelly silent sonnets
from sphincter sprang
most times flatulence
relieved in private place
but, post-op probe
forced air into buttucks,  
thus encourage patients

to aerate sterile space
otherwise known as passing gas
scrutinized faces elicit embarrassment
of elderly folks,
who feel self conscious farting in public
before departing from human race,
rearing specialist unheralded doctors
relieves anguish without a trace
which gratitude spurred
****** attempt to compose verse

to express appreciation
clean bill of health and disperse
anticipatory anxiety, this pooper trooper
endured with pseudo “nurse”
actually mine wife, who nudged me
to undergo examination
lest she bare witness
becoming a widow
following mine hearse
if hypothetical demise did pass,

deceased would hear loud curse
analogous to unstoppable enema,
(brought out from downed colyte
consumed for first colonoscopy)
expletives interspersed with my name
exhibiting master card
shark cunning never forgiving
nor forgetting how we happened
to be broke nearly the entire
coup d’état of marriage –  

reaching cheeky **** pinching
catatonic state die n rapport,
this generic guy saved
from premature death viz ace sing  
examination positive outcome tantamount
with flying colors – at least now,
our two grown darling daughters can
(in ****** dooby doo doo time), perhaps
if/when they beget
their own children witness longevity

courtesy of exemplary doctors
Kellen Karl Kovalovich,
and/or Larry Borowsky,
whose honed trained hands and eyes
adept to scout out and ticket
suspicious cellular demons,
aim of innocuous microbes
to destroy e pluribus unum alone!

drawn courtesy lots of byte size chalk.

When e'er I summon fat chance
to empower me self with courage
and steal a passing glance
in the mirror then instantaneously
hairline fractures appear
than 'afore long
snap, crackle, pop
becomes crystal clear,
whence aluminium glass mirror
(made of a float glass
incorporating additional processes)

leaves highly reflective
fractured surface patina 'ere
one narcissistic blackened barbed ken
whiles away countless hours
unseeingly preening, primping, and pruning
e'en the slightest glare
ring blemish finds cause
for cosmetic surgery
(namely liposuction)
evincing ghostly interlinear
crows feet and dark

circular "bags" that distinctly leer,
which medical term for skin folds
and ballotable skin edema
described as “festoon,”
or “malar mound,”
an eye sore overclear
demanding grotesque immediate
dermatological action
(if necessary) taking
extra adipose tissue from rear

end supposed extra junk in the trunk,
where moon a fish scent derrière,
would not be unduly sore,
perhaps requiring
(whatever would suture self)
plus donning extra padded underwear,
which subjugation voluntarily
"going under the knife,"
would stave off depredations aging
(such as puffy eyes)
at least for another year.

Until the end date regarding
mine cessation, damnation,
glorification -ha time on Earth
(hammered into crucifix
courtesy nine inch – rusty - nails)
my changed body morphology
particularly around equatorial girth
unwanted layers of flab allow, enable,
and provide me to burn wicked fat
these cold winter days and nights
serving yours truly as built in hearth.

Incremental corporeal essence, here
to forge i.e. figurative spear
tire of mine, doth elicit despair
daily appall, thus I air
part tickle laurel lei objection
able bane, cuz this tear
rubble flabbiness a glare
ring anatomical feature, I swear

shape shifted into a dare
ring ridge hubble unsightly
bulge ballooning mere
lee (just south of Montana) so clear
lee obscuring belly button – an innie , where
former washboard abdomen veer
hilly subsumed by displeasing scare
really hated love handles glare

ring paunches noticeable, especially
when abdomen bare
adduce, deed hoos, and
reed hoos sing the culprit bing
one or more beneficial
pharmacological prescription medications
eliminating debilitating crippling panic attacks,
albeit re: fashioning
now alien metabolism, but

necessary medications giving
immeasurable *** bull heaving
relief to this generally
autobiographical, comical, ecological,
grammatical, illogical, kinematical,
methodical, (parenthetical), rhetorical,
theoretical, vertical and  
xylographical off the old block  
exhibiting joyus rapture, where
psychological state contra dancing,
jitterbugging (a slight bit of hyperbole,
where I tango with) kickstarting

long overdue ability
to experience living
social shorn of paralyzing anxiety,
yes every now and again
isolated heated flare ups making
stellar cameo appearance, asper
rendering literal "NON
FAKE" pennilessness,

and non seek quit tore ring
excessive (no pun hush meant intended -
heavy handed) perspiration,
but generally "speaking" quieting
reductio ad absurdum unbearable
woebegone raging against the machine
adrenaline hellishly riotous smiting
body electric non verbally remonstrating

condemning indescribable torturing
poisoning relentlessly (like
stinging scorpions) upending
many prime decades vice wrenching
yoking ambivalence kamikaze
nose diving worthlessness toward
total mortal re: suicidal bombing mission.

Passive stance, but aye agreed
and did promise to pledge troth
faster than greased lightning airspeed
once the missus temporarily
ceased menarche regarding monthly bleed
became in family way with child
thee eldest, whom one day may breed,
when permanently settled
or opting out begetting offspring,
alluded daughter much more mature,
cuz parent trap truly ensnared me,
and I nearly capsized
manning figurative prairie schooner,
I captained poorly
barely surviving emotionally
analogously shipwrecked existence
I must forthrightly concede.

Unlike das papa, first born proactive
taking preventative measures
to avoid begetting offspring
with college manual, she carefully plots
being masterfully persevering
enroute to notch curriculum vitae
with two additional years of schooling
University of Pennsylvania degreed
well self groomed for succeeding

at aforementioned Ivy League
years before taking
advanced placement courses
at Harriton High School
yielding to positive advisory feedback,
she wisely did heed
shipshape smarts anchors ahoy mate
passed academic challenges
with flying colors
well seasoned life, yes indeed.

Wherefore sexually reckless
behaviour, though I eventually wed
future mother housing zygote,
nevertheless did bungle responsibilities
to exponential powers of ten -
experienced challenges to exceed
capacity of yours truly to handle
whacking thru jungle of lady love
until...making head way
verboten fruit fricasseed
essentially purring kitty
I petted and proceeded to feed
pitched, hitched, ditched

libido in throes of monkish celibacy,
procreating analogous to filigreed
custom made jewel of denial,
bubbling self cleaning oven,
plus compelled tug get ***** freed
after being ****** asthma gumweed
glommed, where male member
tiptoed thru tulips playing ukulele
playing biological equivalent
risque business "Russian roulette"
pregnancy eventually guaranteed.

Unlike me wily ***** cocked,
limp bizkit primed to hawk kitty
then future spouse did not intercede
once peppy begged, connived,
to forego birth control and test virility
attested, claimed, *******, et cetera
arousal without prophylactics keyed
sowing wild oats courtesy yours truly
didst adeptly beg, burrow, knead
testosterone totally tubular
lil trouser snake did proceed
letting call of wild take lead
tube steak king claim for fatherland
heady after slurping boot legged mead
stifled unnatural prime mate years
pent up ****** urge, thus did supercede.

Thence sore relief yours truly did need
for swearing against wearing raincoat
at seminal moment blithely releasing seed
subsequent expense imposed
on fecund counterpart
with snoop doggy dogg speed
generating prickly heat
inducing ***** fied stampede
appetite for reproduction
struggling with common sense
(particularly lacking gainful employment)
raising and supporting young ones
incurred courtesy one or more progeny
needs and wants of offspring,
who sprouted like loco crazy ****,
as greater demands imposed
on their mama and papa.

The following admission
honest to dogness haint no bunk
nobody, but yours truly
bore deeply and countersunk
his spontaneity satisfactorily
lightweight corporeal mein kampf,
didst more than baptise or dunk
cuff, which admirably aided to flunk,
(whereat no universal solvent,
could (kant) kelp dissolve barnacles
of sea sonned gunk),
asper thickly congealed

encasing this laughable
antithesis of hullo kit ting hue man
overweening tricky hunk,
which thought to attempt
skidding row bust humor
as a "FAKE" teetering drunk
ken-pro lit tarry overgrown punk
(riotously swinging balled fists
way of course), and mine
feeble insubstantial poetic jabs, where
teenage shadow boxer slunk
tis my harmless recourse to peddle

as sway to escape funk
seriously, Aesop hoes,
this personal mockery
wrote for no rhyme nor reason junk
bonded really gluten
free self deprecating
playfulness of course as chipper munk
makes any sense, neither kerplunk
emanating from atop me notch noggin
swishing with grade A klunk
emasculation par excellence, asper
out thee talking head of this lunk,

whose upcoming "talk therapy"
every other Monday
at 11:00 a.m. with preshrunk
kin shrink finds tarnished psyche resonating
analogous to reverberation while spelunk
king in an echo chamber futilely
questing, searching, rummaging...why I trunk
hated living when merely thirteen
courtesy Anorexia Nervosa
with spindle shank (chicken legs)
to attest as permanent stunted growth.

Preface preceding promiscuous philandering peccadillos
undermining energy and time not spent with missus
and mother of our precious progeny,
whereby, yours truly sought, (somewhat assertively, modestly,
and zestfully) to elicit – illicit prurient heterosexual predilections
before dark shadow of guilt crept along edge of consciousness
straining outer limits of twilight erogenous zone and now cringe
when perusing, reading, traversing... outdated ****** emails
I wrote, a random example plucked out among vile archives.

Herewith his highness presents today May 13th, 2021 ----->
written... dog knows how many years ago.

Husband feebly tried to smite (figuratively)...
appetite appeasing verboten fruit

Hence with spring coiling the aire
meant frisky moist tender vittles everywhere.

For better or worse,
she ne'er done gone spoilt amorousness
when the siren of Aphrodite did call
thy wife encrypted an algorithm
within ethereal realm of cyberspace
and figuratively seer sucker punched
smack dab, where spite spilt a fall
hen opportunity when electronic
flickering hinted juiced the merest trace
lock, stock and barrel prospect

gunned down married chap – with gall
struck up report with veritable gal
whose convened via website Topface
a heavy sensation arose within
pit of mine stomach akin to a bowling ball
which sinking spate found me
to curse the fickle finger of fate – to brace
myself against forgoing what felt
like puppy love, thus pet a file did maul
invisibly with thwack of disappointment

toward a young gal I did NOT chase
whose repeated texting after
this many salient idiosyncrasies out kraal
and if further progression
between myself and this veritable unseen face
there would be hell to pay,
cuz this husband fell prey
to illicit liaisons deux in all
that thee missus when discovered
threatened to annihilate amazing grace

this papa attests toward his two –
then near grown – now independent
darling daughters prone to drawl
out and/or hiss icy critiques,
and if successful spouse
would get both girls to place
their doting papa on par with
lowliest life forms,
or mold thick on a damp wall
adrip with guilty regretful ramifications
per consummated infidelities,

which transpired in an attempt to erase
unyielding turmoil from love's labor lost
regarding remembrance of things past – a pall
cast a dark shadow since
severe prepubescent paroxysm o’er abysmal place
where this then stripling of slight boy
still wracked by a self generated squall
a ferocious tempest etched indelibly
analogous to ode on a Grecian vase,
whence loss of untested interpersonal

sea legs in a bygone existence I did stall
now clamors vociferously treading
with boots on mien kampf ground for lace
of psychotic arsenic to be expunged that didst wall
my natural adolescent self
to gather rose buds, where pestilential mace
undermined essential sexuality ego boost,
and contrariwise cast upon atoll
a self crafted rocky Robben Island shoal,
until dying day no peace at home base.