I truly hope nobody else ever has to feel what I feel right now, and what I've been feeling for well over a year. I hope you never have to feel lonliness as vast as the night sky, I hope you never have to pretend that everything is alright when your entire world is cracking at the foundation, and your world is falling down around you. I hope that you find a way to fight the darkness, and if you do, can you share it with me.

Physical beauty is like the wrapping paper on a gift,
All the person cares about is what's on the inside,
And although they may compliment you on your paper choice
They'll soon forget about it completely.

Oh his scent, so strong
It solidifies in my lungs
Powerful, unbarring, wrong.

Comfort came, then it flew
As it granted me little custody
It mimicked a feeling I once knew.

Oh his eyes, so alarming
Dragged me away to a torturous land
Haunting, smooth, harming.

Venom seared through my veins
Pleased by the sensation
For once, I begged for the pain

Oh his voice, so peaceful
He spoke his words
calm. collective, but lethal.

A poisoned love was in sight
Forbidden by fate
Despite our eternal fight.

I was still mesmerized by you,
leaning against a faded brick wall
lazily flicking a cigarette
against the 90 dollar jeans
I believed you ripped yourself,

when your mouth opened and all I saw
were those perfect lips, that perfect mouth—
your words hardly registering,
some blasé speech
I bet you pre-rehearsed,

“you know, desperate time desperate measures
and all that jazz—”
with a non-committal hand wave
as if accountability was a fly in the air
you could swat away.

I stared at your hand,
suddenly hopeful you’d choke
on that Marlboro Red,
and realizing the problem with pedestals:
there’s no graceful way to fall off.