Searching for words I fumbled and stumbled
Incoherently I mumbled
Eager to share the repartee
Trying too hard, too desperately

Now I know what I should have said
It really would have knocked 'em dead
They would have thought what a clever chap
If I'd come out with that

But it's too late unfortunately
The only one listening now
Is me

Don't approach a dog unknown to you
Holding out your hand, making eye contact
You may frighten him
Let him come to you

Don't write a poem uninspired
It won't work out
In good time
Let it come to you

Don't go out there seeking love
Like a child with a butterfly net
Live your life
Let it come to you

There was not much to do down at the zoo
They were all getting bored, wouldn't you?
The keeper was called, we're out of our minds
Help us out, if you'd be so kind

The keeper said, so what can I do?
I'd like to help but give me a clue

Well, said the giraffe it may sound daft
But I've always wanted to play the harp
You know what,  said the baboon
I would like a big bassoon
The emu said, I really do feel
A hankering after a glockenspiel
The lemur requested a violin
Certain he'd coax a tune from the thing
The elephants stood all in line
Already they could trumpet in time
The gorilla said he could use his thumb
To bang away on a big bass drum

They all got their wish, it was quite a scene
And proudly they played God Save the Queen

He picks them up at random
Takes them out
Becomes engrossed in one
Then the next

Finished with them
He dumps them back
Where he found them
A little worse for wear

.                    .                               .                 .            
              ,                                  , ­                           ,
             /                                  /                               \                                 ­   .  
           /                                    a                               \                       
        ­   I                                cascade                        no                               .
        want                                of                 ­           wish                                 \   
       to see                              warm                         no                   
      a silent                            light                         prayer                                no
       choir                             radiate                         just                     .          thing          wave                              from                     ­       for                    /\           else
        and                                 the                             fun                   at           will
     curtsey                            corner                       candles             times         do
--------------------------------------------------------------­--------------------------------------------

If you think the moon has a soul
And the trees are whispering your name
If you can feel the pulse of a mountain
And see advancing armies in the clouds
Start writing, you're thinking like a poet

Grandma was missing a tooth
The thatcher was there, at work on the roof
Then Lilly came down on her school holidays
And played in the pool
Or went out for the day

We all think she's great, a smart little girl
Her future looks bright as a citizen of the world
She likes to talk to me, and you
She knows what's false and she knows what's true

She likes to have fun, and can be quite silly
But sometimes she needs to be serious Lilly
Then she was gone, leaving a shortbread brontosaurus
Saying thank you Grandma, for all you've done for us.

We were in a Mongolian yurt
She wore a Mongolian skirt
It was very cold
We didn't feel bold
So we just had a little flirt

There was a poet who suffered a lot
From what we all know as writers block
He lifted his pen, dropped it again
And that's as far as he got

I think I'll go for a walk
To myself I shall mutter and talk
I'll search high and low
And home I'll not go
Till I find the poem I sought

Shocking how the time goes
Like a river it flows and flows
It just disappears
Days become years
Where does it go, do you knows?

He found a rock, the geologist
Whose identity he missed
He thought it was gneiss
But when he looked twice
It was just a piece of schist

They found a bug to eat plastic
Which everyone thought was fantastic
But they started to frown
When their pants fell down
Because it ate the elastic

When the words don't seem to fit                                                     
When the spot they just don't hit 
I re-visit my friend                                              
Shake him again                            
Good old Mr Limerick                                       


There is a young woman from Dunbar                     
Who jogs but never too far
She carries a snickers                                                   
Insid­e her knickers                                                        
­And a mars bar in her bra                                            


-Stretch limo-
So much length it had gained                                      
To drive it was really a pain                                        
So they put on the wheels                                            
Tyres of steel                                                            ­                               
And turned it into a train                                             


Mesmerised for a while
By those eyes which so beguile
The men she meets
Fall at her feet
But why such sadness in her smile?


A pretty young thing from Milan
Had a beautiful tan
She enticed married men
Into loving again
And then the **** hit the fan


She used to be happy, fulfilled and carefree
As wild as white horses out on the sea
Now she's no fun
What has become
Of the girl she used to be

When you reach a crossroads
Don't know where to go
Weighing all the choices
Decisions coming slow

Working out the numbers
Asking friends what they would do
But numbers are just numbners
And your friends aren't you

There's a little voice inside
Hear what it has to say
Listen to it carefully
Instinct knows the way

The first week I slept downstairs, to be right next to him
We're keen to build the bond, and do our best for him

It's two steps forward, one step back
Sometimes we've thought, it's just a few brain cells that he lacks

Then for sure he's getting there, he's really learning lots
It's go go go, up down, round round
Pull off the table cloth

Just when we think he's such a cute young pup
He's doing well, he's being good, and really growing up
He's even asking to go out by waiting at the door
He decides to let us down
And does a finely placed architectural poo
In the middle of the floor

This majestic mountain invites us up to play
Above the clouds and valley haze
We own it for a day

Rising in the gondola, cables taking strain
Bronzed faces still and quiet
Studying terrain

Alpine chough and ptarmigan are seen from time to time
But alpine buzz is really
What we have in mind

A pack of snowboards hurtles by doing what they dare
A whiff of marijuana
Lingers in the air

Some are here for night-life, drunk in bed by three
Not in search of apres
During's good for me

The weather's right, tons of snow
Come on, come on, we've got to go!

A little hob gobby stood by a sign
I'm a green goblin
Learned and wise
Bring me your poems
To criticise
He smiled and put his glasses on
Don't know if he liked it
I didn't stay long

Pay a farthing, earn a groat
You'll be a winner if I like what you wrote
He read one line and said go away
Unless you want me to spoil your day
I carried on, tears in my eyes
Tears of laughter, undone were his flies

If you can spare a poem or three
I would be eternally grateful to thee
It's put to good use
I am no liar
Too old to cut wood
I need fuel for the fire

Voice of an angel through purified air
How can I pay you for beauty so rare?
I cannot take payment for what I don't see
Take it good sir, to you it is free

A little tired, dragging my heels
Fed up with bargaining, bartering deals
I found a hollow of moss soft and deep
Laid down my head, surrendered to sleep

As he studied the grey stubble in the mirror
he began to wonder if rather than considering
each new conquest a success
he should think of it as the consequence
of another failure

Lottie lived in an old pebble-mashed cottage in the middle of nowhere, with a ***** muzzle tree in the garden. She always wore white glubbs on a Sunday, and going to mumble sales was her favourite pass-time.

  All year round a lyre would smoulder in the gate, as the house was not connected to the lucidity grid, which Lottie considered the work of the davel. She liked to recite Shakespeare to her clogs but as she got older would mix up her worms and get her lettuces in the wrong order. At times I was the only one who could stand on her.

   There was a lovely orchard out the back in which all kinds of baffles, tums, bears and cheeses grew. She made the best crum plumble you never tasted.

  She loved her macaroni wireless, the old type powered by molluscs, although in latter times she accepted my gift of an up to date transittor with a built-in bat pack.

  We would ***** away many an hour as she reminisced about her youth, when she had traveled far and wide in the grand old days of steam *****.
  
  Lottie kept all her marbles right up to the end in an old sweet jar, kindly leaving them to me when she passed. So now it's up to me to carry the mantelpiece.  Dear old Lottie was unusual, but I liked her concentricity.

There's no one quite like Lottie
I'm sure you will agree
To some she didn't make much sense
But she always did to me

build our nest with love
line it with forget-me-nots
stay all summer long

play me love's music
harmonise our hearts'  tempo
practice every day

Tonight good Duncan, friend and guest
This dagger shall pass through thy breast
I shall be king as was the prophecy and belief
Told by the hags upon the heath

Unsexed like them, my Lady chides me still
For my kindness and uncertain will
Even as my dagger drips once more
And blood from noble Banquo stains the floor

Now in blood so far I'm steeped
Only can I wade more deep

But this horizon leads no longer to infinity
Steadily it closes in on me
Slow but marching all the same
Toward the hill at Dunsinane

And though those warning words I scorned
Not all men are of woman born
Thus proves the prophesy no lie
Live by the sword and therefore by it die

She's so happy with the teeth dear
Now they're perfect,  pearly white
And she's looking at the rest dear
'Cos she's heard of Mack the Knife

It's those crows feet round the eyes oh
Keep those ******* way out of sight
And those wondrous thunder thighs oh
They're going under Mackey's knife

She's been thinking of her friends babe
Dearest Lotte and sweet Lucy Brown
Oh how jealous they will be babe
Once old Mackey's gone to town

She's withdrawing all her cash now
She'll be poor but look so right
Someone's taking all her stash now
And that someone's Mack the Knife

Back in the old days before combine harvesters came in, harvest time was much more labour intensive.  All the crops were loaded by hand on to horse-drawn carts and taken to the stack yard, where an array of often beautifully crafted stacks would be built, and thatched.

It was a very busy time of the year for the thatchers, who would work from six in the morning till nine at night for several weeks until all the stacks were safely protected from the rain. After the last stack was finished, my old boss was paid the overtime due to him. He remembered that one year it was just enough to buy himself a new pair of work boots!

One year, before handing over payment for thatching his stacks, a farmer named Mr Cutting said to Jim;  "That made me sweat to write your cheque this year."  Jim quickly replied;  "Med me sweat fust!"

No words of mine are good enough
I am happy you are free again

I ain't goin' back to Maggie's farm no more
To thatch that old black barn
Already done it twice
Done that thing most my life
Someone else's turn now for sure

Ain't gonna work for Maggie's brother don't you see
He'll not be using me
Bought his wife an Aston Martin
For turning forty three
He couldn't even bother  
To make a cup of tea

It all seems so appealing
When you're young and fit
Thirty five years later
Feel I've done my bit

Been a faithful servant
Couldn't ask for more
Now I'm looking forward
To the final straw

When the daisies push up with Maggie beneath
Marking her grave will be taking a chance
For some will come to lay a wreath
But others will come to dance

There was a magician from Bath
I couldn't help but laugh-
While performing his magic
His act turned quite tragic-
He sawed his assistant in half

One child, one teacher, one book and one pen can change the world.

I raise up my voice -- not so that I can shout, but so that those without a voice can be heard.

Malala Yousafzai

Such wisdom from one so young
Such clarity for the truth
Such bravery in the face of danger

Dare we place upon these shoulders
the heavy burden of hope, expectation?

Already your name will live for ever

We have a lot of love to give
But have to spread it thin
For just as one is turned around
It seems two more come in

If they stay here for too long
We see their hope begin to fail
Curled up in the corner
Eyes downcast, no waggy tail

Many tears have fallen down
For those who come to us alone
But you can turn a life around
By giving one a home

You partied hard when you could
Gold mini skirt and heels
But underneath the glamour
Were guts and nerves of steel

Home was fun and jolly japes
A lively social whirl
But work was war zones, scary scrapes
For our brave reporter girl

You found yourself in Libya
Met the mad dog's stare
He liked you, it was a feather in your cap
You made your name out there

Sri Lanka's where you lost an eye
To shrapnel flying in the dark
They thought you were a Tamil Tiger
Hiding in the grass

Back home someone told you off for smoking
Quick came your reply
Don't concern yourself, I promise you
That's not how I'll die

In Chechnya you made it out
Escaping with your life
As mortars fell you legged it
Eight days over mountain snow and ice

East Timor was your finest hour
Fifteen hundred people protected by too few
You refused to leave, they were saved
That was down to you

Luck ran out in Syria
You feared another massacre, tried to warn the world
So the shells once more homed in on you
And killed our brave reporter girl

If everything is going wrong
And your mood is blue
See Mary in the dairy
She'll put things right for you

If rain has soaked you to the skin
Your horse has lost a shoe
Mary in the dairy
She's the one for you

She'll nip your tuck
And tip your buck
Bust your boomaroo
Riddle down your bibble-up
Make you feel like new

She'll sum you up with one look
Remember what I say
She can read you like a book
Brighten up your day

She said
You have to meet my friend Jen
I managed  "ok then"

So she did a barbecue
The only guests, me and you

Then she said
Tomorrow such a lot to do
Oh my heavy head
Talk among yourselves you two
I must go to bed

In the sky one shining star
Since that night we have come far

My bike is still just fine
I've had it a long time
I rode it just the other day
It's the way it's been looked after
I used to go much faster than I do today

I got it when I was only ten
Could hardly reach the pedals then
It cost twenty seven pounds
From a shop in Maidstone town

It seems to know its way these days
To the pub and back
I shall never give my bike away
Or send it off for scrap

I saw a photograph of you
As a girl of seventeen
I thought about myself back then
If we had met, how would it have been?

Youthful lives in flux
The future just a haze
Steered by chance, fate, luck
To make it through the maze

So many couples set up home
Promise not to stray
Then exercise their right to roam
And throw it all away

I guess we'll never know
But here we are today
This is how we are right now
And how we want to stay

I hold the book
You open it
You point to a random word
Again

You hold the book
I open it
I point to a random word
Again

There is magic involved
Try it, just for a minute
Tell me what happens
Tell me here

It was mid-Summer night
He thought that he might
Ask for her hand
As they strolled on the sand

He said I'll love you for all of time
If you just promise you will be mine
But alas his love was blind

For when he met mother
His vision recovered
And quickly he changed his mind

migrant in the trees
what language is he using?
willow warble-ish!


young brood of blackbirds
panic stations, screech alarm!
sparrowhawk about


two ears above wheat
lower slowly as we pass
pretend not to see!

Miss Joan Hunter Dunn, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn
What a vision of loveliness you have become
As I watch from the wings sipping a Pimms
A one-sided love affair has just begun

She holds a martini and graciously flirts
Still wearing the fetching tennis skirt
All the boys stare as she climbs up the stair
Every one wishing she could be theirs

Miss Joan Hunter Dunn, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn
Did I cheer too loud for the match that you won?
Was our handshake too long when I told you well done?

And now it is nineteen seventy one
What an excellent wife and mother you've become
But alas not to me
Miss Joan Hunter Dunn

Sleeping on sofas, sleeping on floors
Friends are her family
Her mother abroad

Little miss nobody, pin-ball girl
Says why are you being so nice to me
It's our job says the nurse
As she stitches her hand
Everyone is somebody

You folks are amazing
You really care
Best phone the hostel
Tonight I'll go there

So vulnerable
Naive, street-wise in equal measure
If you had a family
You would be their treasure

My dog only knows what's at the end of his nose
But our brains are much bigger than Fido's or Digger's
So are the questions composed

Answers we find of various kinds
So the questions get harder
Pushing us farther
Till our poor monkey brains overload

Don't ask that question
Take a different direction
There are some things we never will solve
Let sleeping dogs lie, put those questions aside
Perhaps this should be our resolve

I met my neighbour ths morning so I asked him how he was.

Oh fine, yes we're fine thank you. And how are you both?

I said you should go to Specsavers mate, there's only one of me.

Move on, move on, spin the wheel
Don't dwell on times now gone
Survive, thrive that's the deal

Embrace the change, do not resist
Ride the tide
But know that memories persist

Like the ivy on the wall
That some may notice not at all
Nostalgia will creep up I bet

But it's not been long enough,
not yet

He bought his house at an average price
And lives there with his average wife
In his average car with average miles
He ferries around his average child

He'll be the first to admit
His labrador is average thick
In an average job he's kind of stuck
He used to smoke and then he gave up

His average cat has an average tail
Through his door flies average mail
Occasionally he does aspire
To something grander, something higher

But average suits him quite alright
In fact it's really rather nice

Mr Kipling grins
Satisfied he did the right thing
Watching it go round and round
Certain his investment's sound
Sending him a trifle dizzy
While making exceedingly good
               electricity

In their discombobulated lives no matter what occurs
Mrs Um and Mr Er never quite concur
Continually at loggerheads
Sparring is their game
Life like this is normal now
Really it's a shame

Mrs Um for her hols wants to fly to Spain
Mr Er would prefer Turkey on the train

Mrs Um would like a dog, what he says to that
Is well now let me see, er, I think we need a cat

Where to put the cross this time
I don't know do you
Mrs Um votes red
Mr Er votes blue

So they end up doing nothing
As on nothing they agree
How they ever got together
Certainly beats me