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1.1k · Mar 2015
Thanks for asking
martin Mar 2015
When asked  'How are you coping
now that you're single again?'
He answers  sincerely
'I'm holding
my own.'
1.1k · Jan 2014
Another from Lenny
martin Jan 2014
Seems so long ago, Nancy     (Leonard Cohen)

It seems so long ago, Nancy was alone
Looking at the Late Late Show through a semi-precious stone
In the House of Honesty her father was on trial
In the House of Mystery there was no one at all
There was no one at all

It seems so long ago, none of us were strong
Nancy wore green stockings and she slept with everyone
She never said she'd wait for us although she was alone
I think she fell in love with us in nineteen sixty-one
Nineteen sixty-one

It seems so long ago, Nancy was alone
A forty-five beside her head, an open telephone
We told her she was beautiful
We told her she was free
But none of us would meet her in the House of Mystery
The House of Mystery

And now you look around you
See her everywhere
Many use her body
Many comb her hair
And in the hollow of the night when you are cold and numb
You hear her talking freely then
She's happy that you've come
She's happy that you've come
1.1k · Dec 2013
Mr Wong
martin Dec 2013
His outburst left her flattered alright
They still kind of get along
She still calls by quite often at night
Even after he told her his feelings were strong

She had to say your chow mein's very nice
And you've not done anything wrong
But for me you will never be Mr Right
I'm terribly sorry Mr Wong
1.1k · May 2016
girl haiku
martin May 2016
flower in her hair
her body she shares with you
hold her she blossoms
martin Jun 2012
.
      weather disappoints
union flag drips rain drops
       spirits undaunted


           continuity
sixty years not a foot wrong
  wave your flag for her
This weekend we celebrate 60 years of dedicated service from our Queen.
We love her and we are so proud of her.
martin Mar 2013
I'm fifty feet old
Two tons tall
Fit as a cranberry
Ripe as a waterfall
Size July cheeks
Marbles for feet
Gallons of tulips
Dance when I eat
Candlelight ****
And promises art
Crush the whispering hesitant part
Of a borrowed porcelein heart
And yes it was something you said
So out of my bed
Mind your head
1.0k · Apr 2013
a limerick or two
martin Apr 2013
Their vows they made, he kissed her
He couldn't now resist her
Then later on he said so long
I should have married your sister

She said I love you Billy
And asked for something silly
To prove you love me
There's no one above me
Tattoo my name on your *****

There are plenty of fish in the sea
At least there used to be
But now there are not
We've got to stop
And let them recover you see
1.0k · Apr 2014
Lottie
martin Apr 2014
Lottie lived in an old pebble-mashed cottage in the middle of nowhere, with a ***** muzzle tree in the garden. She always wore white glubbs on a Sunday, and going to mumble sales was her favourite pass-time.

  All year round a lyre would smoulder in the gate, as the house was not connected to the lucidity grid, which Lottie considered the work of the davel. She liked to recite Shakespeare to her clogs but as she got older would mix up her worms and get her lettuces in the wrong order. At times I was the only one who could stand on her.

   There was a lovely orchard out the back in which all kinds of baffles, tums, bears and cheeses grew. She made the best crum plumble you never tasted.

  She loved her macaroni wireless, the old type powered by molluscs, although in latter times she accepted my gift of an up to date transittor with a built-in bat pack.

  We would ***** away many an hour as she reminisced about her youth, when she had traveled far and wide in the grand old days of steam *****.
  
  Lottie kept all her marbles right up to the end in an old sweet jar, kindly leaving them to me when she passed. So now it's up to me to carry the mantelpiece.  Dear old Lottie was unusual, but I liked her concentricity.

There's no one quite like Lottie
I'm sure you will agree
To some she didn't make much sense
But she always did to me
1.0k · Jun 2012
No go mojo
martin Jun 2012
My metaphor is better for the bin
My simile just says silly me
A joke, lost in translation
Wood, hidden by the trees

So I talk to the wind
Panning truths which dry to sand,
                     falling ashen.

Look to the cloud's lining
                     filing away like smoke

Out of time, out of sorts
Caught in a vortex
Time ganging up
Clogging, fogging

Come back mojo
What's going on?
1.0k · Aug 2014
Hacker
martin Aug 2014
He's feeling so contented
Catastrophe prevented
A million reads, go look see
Most of them invented
1.0k · Jan 2012
Shame on you (metal theft)
martin Jan 2012
The low-life thieves are out at large
They're wearing hi-vis camouflage

The power's gone, the train won't run
Copper's stolen, sorry everyone

Man-hole covers, don't think twice
Every metal has it's price

A children's slide, that's good scrap
When no-one's watching they'll have that

For someone with a head for heights
Church roof lead will fetch a price

You know the statue in the park
That'll vanish after dark

The names of those who died for us
Are on a plaque made of brass
There's no respect, no shame in sin
They take that too and weigh it in.
1.0k · Jul 2013
Stories my old boss told me
martin Jul 2013
They were different times

The only thing I know about old man Venn
He used to tie two cats' tails together
Hang them over the washing line
To watch them fight
Cruel old man Venn

There was a man in the village
He killed dead pigs
If a farmer had a pig die
He'd cart it home then squeal and shriek
Like a dying pig
Then pass off the meat as fresh
Everyone knew about it

A couple in the village were always arguing
One night the man said he was going to drown himself
In the pond
She said do you go an' do it in someone else's pond
I ha' got to drink that water

Jim said there'll be a fire in the village afore long
Russell said how d'you know that then?
Down at Hall Farm I see him stripping the paint off his window
With a blow torch
Right near the thatch
He knows better  'an that
Sure enough the old farmhouse burnt to the ground
He built a bungalow with the insurance money
Old Jim was right again

Russell met his wife to be during the war
He had a few days leave but not long enough to go home
So he stayed with his mate in Lancashire
Ended up marrying his mate's sister
She came down to Suffolk
One of the local women said to her
Where do you come from?
Lancashire she said
I didn't think you was English she said

A farmer said to Jim
That wholly made me sweat to write out your cheque
For thatching this year
Med me sweat fust said Jim

For hurdle making they would cut ash pole in the wood
Using hand axes
When they finished the women from nearby cottages
Would come and pick up the chips to start their fires
Just a few little tales, not really poems but I had an urge to write them down :)
1.0k · May 2012
They're coming back!
martin May 2012
Shoot at us and we'll be gone                                                             ­                Minnesota     2921
We'll never be your friend                                                           ­                        Idaho               705
But now the rage has gone away                                                             ­          Wisconsin        690
We're coming back again                                                            ­                       Montana         566
                                                             ­                                                                 ­Wyoming        343
Just a lonesome wanderer loping through the night                                         N.Carolina      120
Or an alpha leader followed by his pack                                                           Arizona              29
We're claiming back what's ours by right                                                         California             1
The wolves are coming back!                                                            ­                  Alaska         10000
                                                           ­                                                                 ­   Canada         52000   (2011 numbers)
Persecuted for centuries, in 1915 Congress sanctioned a wolf eradication campaign, which 50 years later was almost complete, northern Michigan and Minnesota the last outposts of a population once numbering 400 000.
A similar retreat took place in Europe but now Spain has 2000, Italy and Poland 1000 each, Sweden 220 and there are 200 in the French Alps, spreading north through France.
1.0k · Apr 2015
Election limerick
martin Apr 2015
Election fever across the nation
Sifting truth and misinformation
We cast our vote
More in hope
Than in expectation
UK general election May 7th
1.0k · Nov 2015
Nazi daffodils
martin Nov 2015
He was a German soldier fighting in the war
Then as a P.O.W. he could fight no more
In an English garden
He worked and spent his days
Planting bulbs, trimming hedges
Learning English ways

Then to his homeland he went back
But in mischief didn't lack
For in the Spring the daffs he sowed
Spelled out Heil ******!
All in pretty rows
Cheeky beggar,
I wonder if he planted a ******* in snowdrops too.
At least he showed a bit of flair :)
True story from World War II

                         __
                   |__|__
                     __|   |
1.0k · Sep 2012
I'm in love
martin Sep 2012
I say hello, and how are you
She says the weather's warm

I say I like your hair that way
She says approaching storm

I speak to her, she speaks to me
In our special way

I expect you see her too
Even down your way

She half turns and strokes the sky
I give a little sigh

Shows off her huggy little curves
I'm thinking  my oh my

She waves her hand across the map
Talking high and low

Where she goes to afterwards
I don't really know

I think I'm in love with the weather girl
I see her every day

And that for now is really all
I have left to say
Time for a little light heartedness!
1.0k · Aug 2012
Synchronised
martin Aug 2012
You know that when we run
We go like hell
Not to be the straggler, it's in our nature
You can tell

Jockeyed up with colours bright
The tension mounting now
We spring out through the starting gate
Streaking past the crowd

Now it's all about the money
For those who placed their bets
For us the bit, the kick, the whip
To make us give our best

This time you've driven me too hard
A trip, a stumble, a broken leg
Too bad. A curtain round, the white coats come
Put a bullet in my head

No sense being sentimental
That's the way it is
C'est la vie, par for the course
In the life and the death
Of a working horse
Synchronised was one of two horses to die in the 2012 Grand National.
A jockey on average will have a horse die in one in every 200 or so races.
1.0k · Jun 2012
Bambino caro
martin Jun 2012
See the young one's shining face
Freshly joined the human race
Chubby cheeks and wrinkled ***
Flailing arms and little tum

A life of learning lays ahead
But rest for now your weeny head
What this miracle will be, who knows
With his tiny hands and feet and snotty nose

Stop your mewling now be calm
You're coming to no harm
I'll hold you for a little while
Although your shrieks do cause alarm

Why choose now, oh little one
To exercise those fearsome lungs
And then projectile squirt
Green ***** on my nice clean shirt

I'll hand you back, you look much better
In your mother's arms
I feel I am immune alas
To your supposed charms

Quiet now, would I hold?
If you don't mind I will refrain
If I may be so bold

Left with an odour, a downright smell
I must confess
I don't do babies very well

What relief, they've gone away
Give me a dog any day
1.0k · Mar 2015
Compromise
martin Mar 2015
Ok, first the basics
If you turn on the tap, just a dribble
And hold a straw, just off vertical underneath
The water will flow to the end of the straw
And drip off

Imagine many straws, densely packed
Just the tips showing
All sloping at an angle
And fixed to a steep roof

Water (rain) will be shed
And the roof will remain dry

The steeper the roof
The quicker the rain will shed
But the steeper the roof
The more material is used

Then there's the thickness
The thicker the better surely?
Well, the thicker the layer of straws
The flatter the angle at which they lay
And so the less efficient they are at shedding water

Thatching
Like life
Is a compromise
1.0k · May 2012
Lost in the woods
martin May 2012
A little hob gobby stood by a sign
I'm a green goblin
Learned and wise
Bring me your poems
To criticise
He smiled and put his glasses on
Don't know if he liked it
I didn't stay long

Pay a farthing, earn a groat
You'll be a winner if I like what you wrote
He read one line and said go away
Unless you want me to spoil your day
I carried on, tears in my eyes
Tears of laughter, undone were his flies

If you can spare a poem or three
I would be eternally grateful to thee
It's put to good use
I am no liar
Too old to cut wood
I need fuel for the fire

Voice of an angel through purified air
How can I pay you for beauty so rare?
I cannot take payment for what I don't see
Take it good sir, to you it is free

A little tired, dragging my heels
Fed up with bargaining, bartering deals
I found a hollow of moss soft and deep
Laid down my head, surrendered to sleep
1.0k · Oct 2015
for Sonja
martin Oct 2015
Miss Ciano you didn't do so well
Perhaps you can help us with this cloud?
We have to tame it Miss Ciano,
Go to the mountain and immerse ourselves
Let the thunder out and let it pass

Death is all part of life Miss Ciano
The last bit
You know that
You can always sit and watch the sea
If we went to Conwy we would see the sea
In Conwy
I do enjoy your daily offerings
1.0k · Dec 2016
Made me sweat first
martin Dec 2016
Back in the old days before combine harvesters came in, harvest time was much more labour intensive.  All the crops were loaded by hand on to horse-drawn carts and taken to the stack yard, where an array of often beautifully crafted stacks would be built, and thatched.

It was a very busy time of the year for the thatchers, who would work from six in the morning till nine at night for several weeks until all the stacks were safely protected from the rain. After the last stack was finished, my old boss was paid the overtime due to him. He remembered that one year it was just enough to buy himself a new pair of work boots!

One year, before handing over payment for thatching his stacks, a farmer named Mr Cutting said to Jim;  "That made me sweat to write your cheque this year."  Jim quickly replied;  "Med me sweat fust!"
There are lots of cottages built in old stack yards called Pyghtle Cottage as pyghtle, pronounced pie-cle is an old Anglo Saxon word meaning a small plot of land.
1.0k · Mar 2012
The impostor
martin Mar 2012
Excuse me m'am, I happen to be...
A warden of the dog poo variety...
As you walked along by me
Your dog was seen to poo and ***.
It's not allowed in such a place
To show such scant regard for form and grace.
It's not acceptable and not allowed.
The charge for this is fifty pounds.
Thank you.
Good day.
Based on a true story of an impostor in Thanet, Kent, England who tried it on for a while.
1000 · Jan 2017
the sweat box
martin Jan 2017
We all do time in the sweat box
At some point in our lives
The desperate, desperate sweat box
Where we're crucified

It's part of living, part of life
A right of passage, must be done
If you've not been in the sweat box
You've got it still to come
1000 · Jun 2012
Cupid (10w)
martin Jun 2012
Cupid puts his arrows
     like his targets
       in a quiver
998 · Dec 2015
the last time
martin Dec 2015
Nothing ventured
nothing gained

We'll feign the perfection
we never attained

Only memories ever can last
we'll postpone the future
to worship the past

Love me strong
in candle light

Pretend you do
stay tonight

The feeling I'll save
locked in my mind

Embrace me again
for the last time
988 · Oct 2013
Staying in
martin Oct 2013
The evening flashes by
Just me and little bear
All calm
In control
Last week's reflections ripple
Next week's plans take shape
A pause between
As the fire smokes
Time to breathe before we start again
inhale
exhale
have a nice bath
986 · Sep 2014
Taxi !
martin Sep 2014
Out in my car, just for a ride
She said
I can tell how a man makes love
Just from the way he drives

Shall I be smooth
With confident smile
Or tear up the tarmac
Cut loose for a while

What is your preference,
May I ask?
Distracted I slam the next car up the ****
984 · Nov 2014
San fairy ann
martin Nov 2014
Hunkered down we pass the plonk
We can see Madame and pay
We shake her hand and thank her
San fairy ann she'll say

Sergeant copped a blighty
He'll be on his way
He's thanking god almighty
San fairy ann I say

It's hard enough to smile through this
When folks get blown up every day
But all the while the whizz-bangs miss
San fairy ann we say
1st World War slang

plonk = vin blanc
cop a blighty = wounded, sent home to UK
san fairy ann = ça ne fait rien, it doesn't matter
981 · Jul 2013
The Old Smithy
martin Jul 2013
Ginger hit a great old flint
Split in two his *****
Took it to the smithy
Had it back inside a day

In the twenty acres
Kenny bust the plough
Let the smithy have a look
He'll fix it up somehow

Big old mare she cast a shoe
Better do all four
Hinge has broken on the gate
Latch needs mending on the door

Show him what needs fixing
He can sort it out
Heat it up in the fire
Give it a good old clout

The smithy's long been dead of course
The forge has long been closed
Just the house name on a slate
To tell of days of old
Nearly every village had a blacksmith, a skilled man who would not only be a farrier but also a maker and repairer of all sorts of ironwork, from nails to cartwheel rims.   If something broke, it got mended.
981 · Mar 2015
sack
martin Mar 2015
a sack rich in memories
slung on my back
like a part of me now

stopping to rest I open it up
regress, absorb, re-interpret

a pebble, a poem, a hurtful remark
danger and luck
friends made and lost
summits achieved
decisions carved as in stone
out of date currency
I cannot burn
979 · Jan 2013
Frankly speaking
martin Jan 2013
Before our unsuspecting eyes
Like star trek
He just vapourised

But hey, it's ok
We know now friend
It's your way

We hope sincerely you'll be back
We promise not to get too close-
We know you don't want that

We hope you will return, at the time you select
Until then, fare thee well
With respect, great respect
979 · Apr 2013
Maggie's dead
martin Apr 2013
When the daisies push up with Maggie beneath
Marking her grave will be taking a chance
For some will come to lay a wreath
But others will come to dance
Re-post
Margaret Thatcher, former UK Prime Minister, died today.
979 · Jul 2013
Spring 2013
martin Jul 2013
The barn door shakes, hedges sway
Extra coats come off the peg
A wicked wind finds its way
Up every sleeve and trouser leg

Fires burn all day and night
We mourn our absent Spring
We keep our shirts tucked in tight
Powerless to change a thing

Primrose petals bruised and torn
Birds shelter in the hedges'  lee
Waiting quiet and forlorn
When they all should busy be

A hundred feet above our heads
A skylark sings his song
Reminding us to rise above
Sing loud and carry on
Written during our cold wait for Spring,  the weather changed and somehow it didn't get posted :)
Skylarks are truly amazing to observe.   They sing continuously over one spot, ascending until they are a mere speck, and then swoop down again.
martin Jan 2012
Don't have a baby with this man
If you do, don't let him push the pram.
Don't have to explain do I?  The cruise ship Costa Concordia was 6 miles off course when it capsized.
martin May 2012
voices everywhere
hedges like the internet
 tweeting all the time
973 · Nov 2016
Hard cheddar
martin Nov 2016
We're all in a bit of a pickle
All in a bit of a jam
We'd like our cake and eat it too
If we possibly can

We'd like to take the biscuit
The icing on the cake
But for now it's hard cheddar
We'll just have to wait
martin Dec 2013
walk with me pilgrim
together in the Springtime
we will write haiku
Inspired by Madoka Mayuzumi, a Japanese writer of haiku, who walked the Camino de Santiago de Compostella, a famous and ancient pilgrim trail in Northern Spain.   See ' Tres en el Camino'  on youtube.
972 · Mar 2012
Bungee jump (haiku)
martin Mar 2012
Calm on the surface
Do not show signs of panic
Launder pants later
968 · Sep 2012
Right here, right now
martin Sep 2012
The time may come to say goodbye
Who knows when
Who knows why

But for now let's have some fun
Can I play bongos on your ***?
967 · Dec 2014
Cry
martin Dec 2014
Cry
I came upon a child of God
Asked her where you going
She said my words were beautiful
But they were Leonard Cohen's

She passed a summer by me
Sad songs to scorch and sting
When the days grew older
She spread her angel wings

I watched for her as the white-tailed eagle
Looks down at the sea
Searched the heather, walked among the mountain flowers
Trod the holloways for hours
But she had flown from me

The raven and the hooded crow
Silent passed me by
Go, go, let her go
I heard the buzzard cry
966 · Mar 2013
The Robin
martin Mar 2013
The kettle boiled, switched itself off.
He made tea, topped it with milk.
He had never felt calmer.
Today was the day.

He counted the strides to the station,
One less than usual.
The train was two minutes overdue.
A robin just above him piped and trilled its cascading song.

The train came into view, now it was level with the end of the platform.
This was the time.
Before he could see the driver's eyes.
He hesitated.  
The moment passed.

**** robin, **** ****** robin.
964 · Sep 2012
Spirit calling
martin Sep 2012
This mortal state is not my own
It is too fleet to call a home
Bound and strapped in chiming chains
Until the circle turns again

I hear a spirit calling me
Awake, let loose the ties, be free
Draw to a close this mundane game
To return from whence you came

But for as long as I may choose
My choice is not to follow you
My lust for life still shines too strong
So my friend for now, be gone
960 · Jul 2012
Le mystere dans le jardin
martin Jul 2012
Qu' est-ce que c'est, ce bruit                                                                        
Que j'ecoute au millieu de la nuit?                                                        
Ce n'est pas grand, c'est tout petit                                                          
Mais c'est la, dans le jardin                                                                      
Quand je suis sur mon lit                                                                        

Le matin nous levons une grande pierre                                                
Et la, assis sur son derriere
C'est un crapaud, un petit crapaud
C'est lui, la source de notre mystere

Desormais je dormirai content sur mon lit
Je vais dire au crapaut
"Chantes pour nous,
                                    bonne nuit, bonne nuit."
crapaud = toad
desormais = from now on , henceforth

Been to France
957 · Aug 2012
Advice for holiday makers
martin Aug 2012
If a camel challenges you to a drinking contest just say no thank you.

I met a young camel from Tralee
Who could down fifty pints easily
He never got drunk
It went to his ****
And he never went for a wee

I won't be goin back there, 'tis a near certainty, you can be sure o' dat now.
953 · Sep 2012
Birthday Boy
martin Sep 2012
I think we all agree
He is a master of his craft
His ready wit and wisdom
Can make us look quite daft
Although his face we do not see
His words are all we really need
So from us all on hp
Happy Birthday FJD
952 · Mar 2012
Our night in June
martin Mar 2012
Canvas ***** in summer wind
violin bow rise and fall
lanterns hang and gently swing
squeeze box play and caller call

A minute snatched with everyone
cars strung out along the lane
all our chums are having fun
we avoid the summer rain

I read a poem thanking you
for being such a wicked wife
unexpectedly you sing a song
a song I will remember
all my life

Clover glows on midnight lawn
night sounds comfort all around
in the misty refreshing gloaming
dance with me
sing with me
let me swing you round and round

Quietly we close the gate
soon will come the tipping point
to very early from very late
gone or sleeping every guest
lordly drunk we seek our rest
951 · May 2016
Wide East Anglian skies
martin May 2016
We follow the bridleway that dissects the growing field of wheat, now dark green and vigorous after it's Spring dose of nitrogen. Pass the smouldering ruin of a bonfire which has been awaiting the torch for weeks. Charred black are two big sections of oak trunk which I considered purloining every time I passed, but decided they looked too heavy to move.

Reach the road, rein in the dog's lead, turn right. The thatch I renewed a few years back is definitely not looking new any more. Past the houses, past the one where the whistler lives. All the way across the wide East Anglian field I often hear him trilling, when we are both pottering in our gardens. He has a brick outhouse, probably a former loo or wash house. A thrush is sitting on top of the chimney and a blackbird on the weather vane, they look about four feet apart. I pick up a lager can, crush it and slip it in my back pocket. A pigeon climbs, claps its wings and glides back down. Jogger's footsteps catch up from behind. It's the chap who owns a Harley Davidson.

I turn back into our lane, a skylark is singing loud and clear above us to the left. A rabbit dashes across the lane a few yards ahead, disappears. The dog's ears go straight up and he eagerly sniffs its trail. Back home.
951 · Jan 2013
Happiness
martin Jan 2013
Oh that contented soul to be
Who finds in all things harmony
Who weaves their cloth on nature's loom
And sees no cause to worry

Who shines with aura ever bright
Like lustrous moon on misty night
A smile to brighten any room
With charismatic light

Skillfully to seize the day
And cast all lowly thoughts away
So mind and body stay in tune
And happiness holds sway
A partner with a willing smile
                            and a happy heart
And a nice big dog that doesn't ****
947 · May 2012
Unusual day
martin May 2012
Help me dig this tough old plant
roots all mats like a rasta's head
flowers look alright I grant
but it aims to dominate this bed

Blooming with a pretty yellow
don't remember by what name
dig it up with me good fellow
it's become a proper pain

Strongest fork, in real deep
coming out like rotten teeth
every bit now, fossick down
go to hell, what's this we've found?

Clanking heavy rusty metal
tumbles from the fork
that my dear - now I could be wrong -
looks rather like a blinkin' bomb!

So I made the call
local bobbies came look see
took a photo, got i.d.
then we made a cup of tea

Call the bomb squad, you can never tell
firing X-rays, diagnosis solid stable anti-aircraft shell
that was it, they took it away
the end of our unusual day
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