I'll look long enough
In hope you'll get the hint
Cause I've witnessed a whole other world
But never released it
I swear I was gonna tell you
Until I was caught off guard
I swear I was gonna show you
Until we got cut short

Dont look up love,
You might see it in my eye
That everyday I wake alone
Is every day I live a lie.

You waited until you could see the whites of my eye
You let me drag that far
So you could aim clearly and unmistakeably hit me cold flat in the heart

Now are you satisfied that I burned all of my passion  
Just to be belittled once I reached the top?
And does it make you feel better that you only used one bullet
Barely broke a sweat
To rip me of any hope I've ever had

I only tighten my throat and bite my teeth
My toes curl and my stomach pulses but tears remain immune to gravity
resting in the space behind my eyes

So without tears there's no proof.
No cold detail of how much I need you

Every part of everything I've ever felt lies in the isolation of the sparkled eye
Yet- how do you untrain a heart thats lived its whole life teaching it's outside to lie

None of this makes sense to a heart starved of its mess
All these words are just scrambled alphabet for a soul thats been swallowed hole

Maybe steps
Will fill holes in my chest
I could sit in grass, or dirt, or leaves and not mind the bugs that dance on me
I need a World I haven't lived in to survive
And find
What wind
Serves to advance an honest mind

Was there ever a moment
That my breathing set the rhythm of your heart
That the separating of my lips slowed in motion, all you dreamed of the night before

Was there ever a piece of me that you fell short of- a fantasy you failed to fulfill
Because for me there was,
  But like you, i do not make that clear

The absence of you is
My loss
And the presence of you is
My loss
Because whether you're with me or not
You're never mine

Deep in the mustard of fairy tales
And thanks to my imagination , I'm a muggle in a tangle of daydreams

Someone, please, reach Into this sandwiched mess of hope scribbled in permanent marker and
Rip
The thoughts that fog the city lights and clarify the stars above my head
Because I fear if I keep pretending not to believe I'll realize
And all I've ever been afraid of will never come Alive

All I ever wanna do

Is walk cracked streets
On sunny days
Inhale the breeze
And exhale a phrase

Something daunts me about a man that can come across a homeless
Without sharing a dime

I gave half
And guilt tickles my fingers

What does half a bridge do
For a body's need to cross waters

As I hold this bitter cup of coffee
In my still aching fingers
I wish I could spit it out and fill my brain with it

I sweep back to the corner
Of wrinkled blue hands
Holding last ounces of boarded hope
But only coldness lingers here

Kneeling down I skip breaths in seek of God's forgiveness
And as I whisper words
I promise to next give my all
And while were at it take my shoes
  And the golden watch here on my dry ***** wrist
For we all know it belongs on a wall
Take my book- and here's this poem
So that maybe our shrunken World
Isnt so selfish afterall

I recently dis covered
Beauty
In such a simple and unexpected way

Brush your teeth
And then drink hot chocolate

We spoke about our lips
Where they've been , who they've kissed
If only a wish could ****** this mess
But
  A heart eating man
Ripped innocence from my chest

You suggested that I start anew
I stay silent
    And gaze at you
You told me there'd be waiting line
  But the only start has fallen eye

*******
And all your
"Medicines" too

I used to be so happy
I made everyone around me feel welcome
Now every word I breath births a problem
Every action results in the opposite of my intention

There's some sort of victory in silence
The strongest feelings have no explanation
I wish I could think about you
Simply rest you in the back of my mind
But its worse than that
I can feel you in my bones
Through my veins
Your words pump with my blood
Thats just it
Your words
empty promises
That somehow I find comfort in

Somehow you took home in me
Like a wasps larva in a caterpillars body
I was your comfort
Your shelter
While you grew stronger and stronger
Then out of the blue
I couldn't move
Your touch chemically
   Paralyzed me
I gasp for air as fresh as the kind by the apple tree
In the garden
Where we met
Wounded-I protected your innocence
Feeding off your fulfillment
Untill I starved to death

the pull of every part of my body
Wants to listen to your words
  How you feel, where you are,
Because it feels like we've been separated lately and it burns sometimes

But you're gone.
I've witnessed your absence yet I continue to believe your hunger lingers here
But you're gone
I can see the sparkle in your eye in the teeth of someone else's smile
Yet I feel my lips curl and attempt the stealing of that world I was so close to witnessing
So close to resting in
Until all at once
You were gone

Take this paper heart
Fold it into flying form
Bend its edges
Flatten its creases
Take me apart
After times of begging for mercy
  Pain becomes admissible
I've loved the darkness since it took my half
I've slept in chaos since it took my head
Now I'm leaning in any way a stranger suggests
Every direction feels a little more comfortable than the last

So desperate
For color
So desperate for a reaction
Tears came easier
With color
So deeply stuck under skin
At last with final breaths she picked up the lines that let her cry
The one thing that allowed release
And Color spilled
Their final piece

I can't take another heart whiplash
   Sudden stop of love

Does the moon stay out all day?
And blend in with the sky
Makes me wonder what else is here
But only noticed in the night
To you I was the moon
Beautiful at times
But otherwise forgotten
Until the sun when to sleep
Then I was your savior, your admiration, your everything.
But momentary bliss is a world of endless suffering

Silent heartbreak
I never revealed my true heartthrob
And now you'll never know all your beautiful pieces
Like the way you look from a distance
Or how easily your eyes give you away
Or your laugh for instance-
An explosion of color in a room painted grey-
All things kept secret
Words forbidden the taste of air
   she'll never see them
Buried deep under skin
But I've witnessed a world of you
Remaining -and to remain-
Unspoken

Then I saw your happiness
And I died a little
Because I used to be the purpose  of your success
And I used to be the influence of that
Beautifully torturing smile

If you reach up for the moon it doesn't seem so far.
I could grab a ladder
Or climb a tree.
It doesn't seem so big.

My bare leg brushes the corner of this empty blanket and I imagine your cold toes icing the skin of my calf
I began to count the days but the higher numbers made this dream feel familiar so I stopped
Click
Click
Click
What will words do for an unrested body
What will lines do for a torn apart stuck together vein pumping nothing but some sort of lie to keep itself from stopping completely

Forget whatever I just said
Anyway it was a fine day

I can't even remember what I thought about before you
Perhaps I didn't think- just lived
That's a beautiful way to be isn't it?
To be alive
And not worry why