THE BACKWARD LOOK
( for D.B. )

The blackbird
leaves me a note

pinned
to the sky

that blue
beyond blue

the tide
of the moment

turning turning.

Time like apple blossom
falling through my mind

the little boy
unable to believe

that this day
is not

made of forever
and only now

I walk back
through my self

to unpin the note
the blackbird wrote

with his voice
still pinned

to that
self same sky.

The blue so still
beyond even its self.

I, at last, able
to read the birds words

its language a secret
no longer to me

"I sing..." it says "...I sing!"

"Because all this
must die!"

"I sing the moment's tide
its turning always turning!"

It's throat
full of song

glorying in being

alive
for this

one eternal
moment.

If i'm not a product of my environment,
what defines who I am?
Exactly.
Precisely.
I do not know.

What am I,
without environment?
A matter of circumstance?

Without a ball,
how can I play ball?

Just kicking stones across the landscapes.

Without a concept of the Ocean,
how can I understand the notion?

I only believe in what I see.

I speak English, as my mother tongue -
because I was taught from being born.

If I was born in India, I'd speak Indian,
maybe English too.

Surely this makes me a product of the environment.

How can I know of TV,
but a tribe member knows only of a spear.

What were exposed to is defined by our environment.

Tell me i'm wrong.
Tell me about predestination.
Tell me about the soul if you wish.

I think you missed the point.

If I was born in a cell, I would know only the cell.
I known what I'm shown and that much I can tell,
that i'm surely nothing more than a product of the environment.

Or maybe,
just maybe,
**the environment is a product of me too?

fortified lies,
forty nights and forty days,
so many ways to hide the devil inside you,
he don’t tempt me,
but he’s got a hold of you,
and i see red,
with everything you say and what you do.
i see you struggling,
just to juggle what is true,
to find the line inside what is real and what is you.
i’ve spent my time,
trying to make your lies to truth,
but i have found that defines me and you stay you.
i’ve seen the light,
and the beacons shine on you,
but you reflect from the lights that guided you.
and now it’s darkness,
but your seeking for your youth,
and as you age, you don’t know just what to do.
and inside, there are pieces of me in you,
but we collide and i can’t pretend it’s true.
i wish i lived, a life as false as you,
but i can’t disguise reality like you do.
and i watch you lose your life until it’s through,
you don’t care, about the legacy abused.
thats ok.
but i just can’t be like you,
so don’t expect me to spend my time with you.
but i miss the things we used to do,
and since you left ,
my dreams will never come as true.

Depression Sessions,

Without making light of those trapped in the dark,
that setraline sentimentality exposed modern art.
Theres a cavity in the canvass,
despair and distress,
decayed daily until theres only just the crevasses left.
I digress,
your highness.
High times, crash down finesse.

What did you expect?

Now you're acting as if theres nothing left.
When in three days you’ll make the same mistake again.
Just to take the pain away.
Or so you say.

But you’re not depressed.
Stressed, maybe.
Tired,
jaded maybe,
but the lights not faded you just took the wrong road that day.

Now there’s no way of coming back.
You’re not cool for that, this isn’t a cul-de-sac.
You keep taking me back and I just relapse.
And collapse after the session,
ready for the sentence.

Repentance a breath away.

And you remind me of every person I know and love.

If you can live long enough,
Life will teach you how to live,
And in the moment we'll grow.

And all I can give
Is nothing more than the truth
As we reap what we sow.

I guess it's true what they say,
You live and learn,

Misguided youth now we wait and burn,

I guess it's true that it's easier to fake than it is to actually do.

The devil disguised in the roots,
I watched him grow inside of you.
Inspite of you, I was inspired by you,

But
I was just passing through,
Transparent apparently on a path led with tangled leaves,
Tread into the ground.

I guess it's true that were bounded by love.
As the seasons changed so did the reasons to fall.

And I fell for you implicitly,
like rain drops from clouds.

Days of blood and pain,
and of heartache and betrayal,
they come and stain us.
But know this,
a new day will dawn,
light and mercy will once again rise and glow.