It hurts

to be in a world full of people
and still feel so alone

Friends and shallow conversation
lackluster meaning with a crave for more

I want substance
Depth

I want to pick up the phone
But I know I shouldn't

Fighting that pain in my stomach

I can't help it

I can't do this.

I need to get away.

I'm not sure 100% of the time.

I don't know what I want.

Impulses drive my decisions.

Impulse after impulse
like wave after wave of
Neverending small pulses of electric shock
Just enough to keep you on edge.

Tick, Tick, Boom. Tick, Tick, Boom.

Twitch Twitch

Eyes bloodshot,
No sleep.
No satisfaction. No happiness.
Bah humbug.
Only scrambling to fill the void.

Scrambling, trying to fix,
Trying to cope,
Trying not to disturb the delicate border of
Hurt.

Moving from one quick fix to the next.
Hurry, Hurry. Or you'll feel the pain.
Faster, move faster. Don't stop now or
It will ***** you again.

It'll catch your heels and make
You trip and fall
Skin your knees and hands.
Get up, now run.

Scrambled, Scrambled,
Brain tattered,
Scattered messages,
Mixed and garbled

A calm face. A calm expression.
Calm mannerisms. Completely
without symptoms.

Or so it seems.

If there was another way to say it;
An easy way for you to understand...
I would not be pouring out these words
In an attempt to paint a picture.
I wouldn't be desperate to bottle
My emotions and thoughts
Into these stained glass letters,
With the tin syntax lid.
Poking holes through the top
Of my head,
So you could see.
Firefly ideas.

I am a photographer of hearts and minds.
The blood red room holds
My negatives.
How can I make them easier for you to see?
The composition so sweet,
The lighting so contrasted with
The shadows hiding the everyday.

What I really want you to do is stop reading.
Go look into the eyes of a lover.
Go hold a child's hand while they sing.
Listen to the wind change.
Feel the pulse of a city.
Cry with old wrinkled skin
For youth and life, and hope.

That is what my poem means.
It is a pulsing picture
Held captive in rhetoric.

When it is the darkness we are seeing
Then we are seeing nothing at all
When we listen to emptiness
Then there is nothing for us to hear
When at the darkest dawn we seek beyond the blackness
Then enlightenment is revealed
When we heed the absence of void
Then we can hear over the silence

The day I died, was just like any other day.
The palm trees were swaying,
The sun was shining,
And all the cars and all the people were bustling.

A day in July, that quickly passed by,
Into the next with nary a sigh.
I guess it is peaceful,
Collected and calm, into the night, as the moon shine.

Everyone is happy, and everyone is nice
Looking into the future where this is no vice.
My life flashes before my eyes,
And I look back on all the things I’ve done, or failed to do.

And it seems to me the latter is fatter,
All those opportunities,
That I decided I didn’t like,
All those people, who, when given the option not to, I hurt anyways.

All those friends who slowly dwindled,
All my family whom I quickly estranged,
Even my love, of whom I betrayed,
All went inland to escape my storm.

Am I sad? I don’t know I’m dead.
But I think I’m disappointed.
In myself, my behavior.
The girls, the weather, the self-destructive actions.

But as I get closer and closer to my core,
The storm starts to dissipate, my disappointment no more…
I find the one good deed, of which I will be remembered for.
The care of my mother, the blind ******* *****.

I am the greatest, and I have no remorse.
Forget about death, or life any more!
I am beyond words, comprehension or tears
I am the fears you hold to so dear!

You all belong to me,
But not I to you,
As you see me every day,
In the shadows of the monsoon!

You thought this would be happy,
Or joyously ending?
Well I’m sorry to disappoint,
But it is your *** that is bending!

The acoustic guitar plays softly, in the background of a critiqued ball room as he made his entrance. The attention of the audience fell upon him; As he walked readily towards the dance floor, The melody of the flute and the rhythm of the bass guitar, Dramatized his beauty. The spectators in fear, but his passion so real, As I stared into his eyes, that made beauty felt unreal everything else that surrounded me disappeared. He focused his eyes on the dance floor they began to whisper; Who will he choose? Who has to leave now? He flashed his eyes upon the viewers that were once in shock, now in terror, but their ****** expression in awe. The apothegm states that he continually seeks for the one that would heal his disease but bound to the power of the earth’s forces, his determined, stunning eyes will never be able to reveal, the secret one that can heal. The bass drums play wildly as he shows the crowd his fury. The once stunned viewers now begin to panic, but I draw myself closer. Before I could reach him someone else got in the way. “I would like to die” was the words I know her to repeatedly say. He gently pushed himself away in anger. He looked around the ball room, and observed the reaction of the audience to his response. They’re now in astonishment. He then stopped and his focal point was clear. The piano and the cello played softly to become one with his voice. He said to me “let us dance.” I’m frightened, the majority of the onlookers left in a daze. My vision weakened before our dance began. He smiled, and as he looked upon my face all the instruments faded away. He said to me is this your last dance? Will you leave us tonight? I’m the kiss of death will you close your eyes forever or will you leave me in delight?”

Goodbye cruel world
I die tomorrow
He discovered what i hid
I die tomorrow

Goodbye cruel world
I see Jesus tomorrow
He knows my pain, he knows my sorrows
I see Jesus tomorrow

Goodbye cruel world
I will be judged tomorrow
I worship You Lord
I will be judged tomorrow

Goodbye cruel world
I bow at God's feet tomorrow
I'll worship Him forever
I bow at God's feet tomorrow

Goodbye cruel world
Ill go to a better place tomorrow
Goodbye yes goodbye
Ill go to a better place tomorrow

you are the soothing hum
the grass stains on my jeans
the summer in my hair
the color in my cheeks
you are the the constant wave
beating against my heart
the warm honey on my lips
the paint on my nails
you are the perfect dance
and a moonlit ride
the sticky vanilla cream
you are the flower in my palm
the reason I smile
the chills down my spine
you are more than you'll ever know
you are the love of my life