There’s a part of me you can’t abide,

but don’t mind me, I’m dead inside.

I’m cold, confused and alone,

left to wallow on my own.

You can keep on cutting

But I won’t feel a thing.

Let your knife sink in,

twist it round and go within.

Stab my heart,

I’ll fall apart.

Kick me to the ground,

there’s nowhere left to run around.

I can’t change myself for you,

there’s nothing left to do,

crush my life away,

It’s just another day.

I just need a little help
A little hope
A little nudge into the light
I'm falling
Breaking
I don't know what this is
It hurts so bad
What's happening to me
Nothing triggered
This deep burning in my soul

i am far too flammable to be playing with matches like this but i like the way your hands burn and i like the singes on my dress, my hair, my skin and i know i shouldn’t but burning feels more alive than freezing and my body has been shaking from the cold for months now and even if this hurts just as much it’s so nice to just feel something, something different, something at all. cold eats you from the inside out, the ice spreading from your stomach to your throat before it appears on your lips and cold feels like nothing. you lose the sensation of touch and you lose your breath and it happens so slowly you don’t realize it at first. this is what my life has been like: slowly freezing me solid, deep freeze through to my heart, until my flesh can’t remember what it’s like to be flushed and warm and alive. fire is different; the flames dance on your skin and scorch you before your nerves register the feeling, before you realize the danger, and this is what you feel like. i want to commit small acts of arson with you and i want us to burn down the house i grew up in and we can kiss with the flames reflected in our eyes. you are my original sin, you are my Morningstar turned lucifer, you are mine.

Everything,
blown out of proportion.
Is not being able to print something a reason for you to cry?
Does it allow you to shout at your mother?
You rude *****.
She does everything for you and you can't be appreciative.
She may irritate you to no end.
She irritates me too.
But, there is never a valid reason for you to shout at your mother.
Your mother.
The only person who'll love you unconditionally.
So, shut your mouth.
Have some respect and stop crying for every single thing.
*God!

I'm dying to bleed.
Bleeding to die.
I can't decide.
The uncertainty itself is killing me.
Standing at a crossroads and each sign screams WRONG WAY.
Every step I take I hear TURN AROUND.
It's wrong.
It's all wrong.
I'm all wrong.
What's right anymore?
I'm so far from right what's even left of me anymore?
Nothing.
Nothing remains but a certain instability.
An inevitable self destruction.
I feel like I'm on death row.
I know it's going to happen I just don't know when.
WHEN?
When will I have the strength?
Will I ever have the strength?
Will I ever have anything?
Be anything?
Know anything?
Will anybody ever know me?
Will I ever even know myself?
I need a map.
I don't know where to go.
But what is a map without directions?
And what am I without a destination?
The clock is ticking.
Time never stops.
Not for anyone.
3am and I should be closer to clarity but I'm not.
I never have been.
Nothing good ever happens after 2am.
Well nothing good ever happens before.
Guide me.
Somebody guide me.
It's like each cry for help isn't loud enough but I'm too weak.
Much too weak.
Listen harder.
Move closer.
Open your eyes.
Maybe not.
I wish I could close mine to everything I've seen.
To everything my heart has ever felt.
I don't want you to see this
To feel it.
Maybe I have to so you don't.
Maybe.
Jesus.
Maybe.
Nothing is ever certain is it?
Or is it?
I'm never certain of anything.
Except one thing.
I don't belong here.
I never did.
What is my purpose?
Do I have one?
When will I know?
How long must I wait?
My patience wears thin when I am left here to test it
I struggle.
I'm struggling.
Gasping for air.
Suffocating.
Save me.
Save.
Me.
Don't save me.
I don't want to be saved.
Do I?
I get so close and I run in fear.
But when I'm not running I live in fear.
And which is worse?
They could both be over so quickly if I found an ounce of strength.
Just a little more.
But from where?
This is all that remains of me.
Questions within a damaged shell that barely shields a wounded soul and a broken heart.
What use is it?
What use am I?
What use is life when we were all born to die?