I met a guy two years ago
he became my very best friend
we've been through hell and back together
but it feels like our friendship is coming to an end.
We've told each other things
that we normally keep inside
we've done things together that changed us
but we still stood by each other's side.
We fought, we yelled, we went separate ways
but we always managed to end up in the same place
he's the first person I go to when I'm upset
because he's good at putting a smile on my face.
We've cried, we've fallen but we did it together
we never left each other alone
we went from spending everyday together
to talking every once in a while on the phone.
I have never loved anyone as much as I loved him
it hurts to know he don't and won't ever feel the same way
as I think of all we have been through
I still love him more everyday
I do my best to move on
I spend my days hanging out with friends and laughing
but once I go home I begin to think of him
and I end up going to bed crying.
I've accepted the fact that I'm not the one
as days go by I keep thinking
no matter what I do, no matter where I go
my heart continues to keep breaking.
My life is changed forever
all because of this guy
everyone says I'm better off without him
but he's my best friend and they will never understand why.
I guess I can live without him
it's going to be really hard
I know that it's going to be a rough few days
especially when I fall apart
I have to be as strong as I can be
I have to do what's best for me
if he's meant to be in my life forever
then whatever is meant to be will happen eventually.

I woke up feeling frustrated today
a part of me just exploded
I couldn't figure out what the hell was wrong with me
so I freaked out and cried
I wouldn't let anyone be there for me
I just wanted to be left alone
As I went for a walk for six hours straight
I didn't even pick up my phone
People get mad at me because they can't understand me
not even my Mother does
The way I act, the things I wear
I do just because
I don't go out to impress anyone
if anything people should impress me
I don't let others in so easily
so thank your lucky stars if you know me
I'm not hear to make things easier for others
I'm a challenge you can't stand
I'm intimidating for a reason
I don't let any guy just hold my hand
I woke up in a very ******* mood
it happens from time to time
If you can't handle me at my worst
then your not a good friend of mine.

I give up on love
I give up wondering whether or not me and the guy I am with are going to last forever
I give up on the little things that make a girl smile now but eventually end up hurting her in the future
I give up on the kisses
I give up on the hugs
I give up on the happiness that comes when you fall in love
I give up on feeling what the other person is feeling
I give up anniversaries and dinners to meet parents who will always find a reason as to why you are not good enough for their son
I give up on special moments and promises
I give up getting close to somebody just so they can break me into a million pieces
I give up being emotionally lonely
I give up being ignored
I give up on everything that has to do with love
I can't keep doing this to my heart anymore

I want to go far away from here
I'm sick of being in this place
I'm sick of feeling sick all of the time
I'm sick of seeing her face
I'm tired of being an outcast
I'm tried of being a joke
I'm tired of being questioned
I'm tired of wanting to choke
I'm fed up with being unaccepted
I'm fed up with how I look
I'm fed up with my emotions
and my dignity that they took
I'm sick of feeling out of control
I'm sick of being sad
I'm sick of feeling out of my skin
and always being mad
I'm sick of being a loser
I'm sick of being lame
I'm sick of being misunderstood
I hate feeling ******* insane.

Right now I’m struggling with my weight
I honestly hate how I look
I’m always comparing myself to other girls
to the point my feelings get hurt
I don’t have a thigh gap
my ***** are really huge
my stomach sticks out when I sit then hangs when I stand
I can’t wear a pair of jeans without looking like a whale
Sometimes I wish I could cut off my fat
so I can be happy with what I see
I wish I looked like the skinny girls you see all over Tumblr
I sit in the shower and cry
as I tear myself down for an hour
I feel like everyone is disgusted with me
whenever I go out in public
I feel so huge next to anyone
so I perfer to stand by myself
I wish this battle with myself would end
I hate hiding my body
I just wish I was tiny like other girls
so I can stop disgusting everybody

I hate myself
I hate the way I cry
I hate my view of the world
I hate the scars I leave on my body
I hate the way I think
I hate the way I walk
I hate the way I treat people when I am mad
I hate how I feel inside
I hate the choices I make
I hate how I cannot make anyone happy
I hate how I give up so quickly
I hate how I close myself off from the world so that I never risk getting hurt
I hate how I care so much about others
yet nobody cares whether I live or die
I hate how my family treats me
I hate the word goodbye
I hate how I look
I hate the dreams I have
I hate my name
I hate life in general
I hate love
I hate sleep
I hate not being perfect
I hate being a **** up
I hate how he is worth it
I hate everyone and everything
I wish all this hate would just go away

I hate ***
It's everywhere
It's all anybody thinks about
I find it disgusting that no one can do anything anymore
without feeling the need to rip their clothes off
I have a hard enough time looking at myself naked in the mirror
how the hell should I let a man see me exposed
I would rather jump off of a cliff
than let a man see me without my clothes
The thought of letting a human being into my personal space
is like an anxiety attack that can't be calmed
*** does nothing but create problems
in which someone is left emotionally harmed
The pressure to have *** is so intense
I don't think I can handle it
I honestly would be perfectly happy
if I never had to engage in it
I feel bad for women who feel the need to have ***
just to feel significant in this world
When people bring up the subject of ***
it's enough to make me want to puke
I don't know why I dislike *** so much
it's a topic that throws me into a state of panic
It ***** that nowadays a relationship doesn't mean ****
unless the guy your with has seen you naked

I still listen to old voicemail's you left on my cell
even though your voice causes me to hurt like hell
I think of all the plans we used to make
even though you had no intention of following through with them anyways
I see you with her and I can't help but wish that was me
even though you nearly destroyed me
I still have your picture on my wall
your smile still brightens my days when I feel so small
I go to places we used to go to
just to relive the happy memories again
I walk the streets we used to walk
back when we were just friends
I re-read all the letters you wrote
trying to figure out where we went wrong
on nights when I'm sad I still think of your smile
because despite all the hate you have for me it still makes me strong

I have never been in love with someone to the point where I felt compelled to be with them at random parts of the day for no reason at all.
I have never been so attracted to someone that seeing them just makes me want to tear off all their clothes and make love to them in the most passionate way possible.
I have never felt connected to someone else that when they are not around I feel incomplete.
I have never trusted anyone enough to marry them.
I have never been in someone’s presence with the feeling that they are staring straight into my soul.
I have never had the energy to fight for someone. If something was tearing us apart I just let it happen because I never cared enough to try to make things work.
I have never met someone worth starting a life with.
I have never been with someone who takes away my fear of commitment.
I have never been with someone who gives me the courage to be fearless.
I thought I was in love many times but I see now that I never was.
I haven’t met someone special worth missing, worth crying over years later.
I have yet to meet the person who will make mistakes with me and continue on with life with their hand in mine.

It's been ten days since you left
it hurt so bad to see you go
I wish you were still here with me
I wish you never had to go
I don't know where to start from here
right now I feel so lost
your probably happy with your new life
and for that I wish you the best
I can't seem to be here in this house
not with all the memories of you
maybe I should move to another place
and create something new
I wonder how your doing
how is life without me
I'm sure it's wonderful
I wonder if a part of you misses me
I'll never know why we went seperate ways
I'll always remember that this was your choice
you had responsibilities yiou had to deal with
that's what you said the last time I heard your voice
This is really killing me though
I'm not ready to move on
I lost a part of myself
the moment I realized you were gone.

Sometimes when I’m at the river all I do is hope.
I hope for greatness not just for me but fior everyone I know.
I hope I’m still friends with the people that I’m friends with at 18 when I’m 35.
I hope I get a phone call in the future from a friend saying “Hey I just had a baby” instead of “Dude my mom died.”
I hope when I’m a Mom my daughter doesn’t go through all the ******* I had to go through when I was a kid.
I hope to fall in love and be with one man for the rest of my life without worrying about another broken heart.

I called him around midnight asking him to come over
I said "I don't mean to bother you but I'm feeling blue and
we don't need to have *** but I need some kind of human touch
before I go insane"
He didn't hesitate and he was at my door by 12:15 am
I opened that door so quick I thought I was losing it
I wrapped my arms around him and he held me tight
I took in his scent and closed my eyes
and as his hands gently caressed my back
I felt all of my anxiety melt away
I didn't want him to let go of me
I wanted him to stay
We laid on my bed our legs intertwined as we were face to face
I was in my underwear and t-shirt
he was in his jeans but I could feel that he wanted me
I asked him "do you want to have *** with me?"
He put his left hand on my face and said
"I won't lie
I absolutely want to have *** with you right now
but that's not all I want
I want to wake up and make you coffee as you sleep in
but it's my bed I want you to wake up in every morning
I want to walk on the beach like we sometimes do as the sun sets
but I want to be able to hold your hand and tell you how beautiful
I think you look when the wind forces your hair to be out of your face
I want to argue with you when you're being irrational
and when you tell me to leave I'll say no because I don't run away
from what I truly want even when things get difficult
I want to kiss you in the rain
and hold you in my arms while we watch movies on the couch
I want to be able to tell you each and every day how incredible
I think you are even though you don't think so
and one day I'd like to give you my last name so I can spend
the rest of my life making you laugh and smile
If I can't have any of that with you
then I don't want to have *** with you"
I looked at him then kissed him on the lips at 4:05 am
it felt like the most natural thing in the world
I didn't feel scared, doubtful or insecure
I felt safe, confident and in love
I turned over and put his arm around my waist
I told him how I liked my coffee
and as he snuggled closer to me
I could feel the smile on his face

How did I get here?
Where am I from?
How did I get this heart break feeling that seems to be making me numb?
Why are you not here with me?
Why did you go?
Why did you fall out of love with me?
The answer, I will never know and it hurts so badly inside.
What's even worse is that I can't get you off of my mind
I want you back
I want you near
I want the laughter, I want the touch that took away all of my fears
I want your kiss upon my lips
I want the smiles, I want the hugs
I want to feel anything but this because this feeling that I have just isn't right
It's causing me to run and hide and I don't want to be that girl who throws true love away
So I'm telling you now
I don't want to lose you
so will you please stay?

I am not Ms. popular
that is okay with me
I honestly do not like attention
unless it is my friends who give it to me
I am no beauty Queen
that is totally fine
I like the way that I look
I have no problem flaunting what is mine
I am not the one all of the guys want
I like it that way
It is nice to go out and have fun
without getting hit on everyday
I am not 100% anything when it comes to stereotypes
and I don't want to be
I like the idea of being open to anything
that way no one can label me
I am not a *****, I am not a troublemaker
I do not sit around letting others peer pressure me
I am someone who drowns out all of the negative noise
while following the beat to my own drum
I am the one who stands out in the crowd
by choosing to be the odd one

Right now I am thinking about you
I am wondering how you are
I wish I that I could see your face
I wish you weren't so far
I feel lonely without you
I miss the look on your face when you laugh
I miss taking funny pictures with you
while watching movies on good days that we have
I look at your picture on my wall
I wish I could just kiss you
I want to run up to you, jump into your arms
and tell you how much I miss you
I cannot wait until you come home
everyone here misses you
You're all that I talk about
because I love you
You're the best thing that has happened to me in a long time
you're everything I ever wanted
You love me unconditionally
always have since the day we started
I hope to see you again soon
that will be my Christmas wish
To see you, hold you and dance with you in the snow
as we share our New Years kiss

I can't get you out of my mind
it's driving me insane
It seems whenever you're around me
my heart feels no pain
Even though we are not a couple
it feels like we are
I don't see why you won't go out with me
after we have made it this far
I realize you got her pregnant
you feel obligated to stay with her
but she's going around cheating on you
why would you waste your time with her?
I would never do that to you
your too important to me to hurt
I would be so faithful to you
I would even forget how to flirt
I bet you think I'm crazy
and although my words don't mean ****
If you keep going back to her
disappointment is all you will get
I can make you happier
I don't lie all the time like she does
I would be honest about everything
and I would never use the term "Just Because"
I have days where I think you love me
then I have days where I think you don't
All I want is for you to make me yours
but for some reason you won't
I can't wait around forever
you're going to have to figure out what you want
I'm not playing this game anymore
you either want me or you don't

I was sitting on the windowsill
crying after having a bad day
He came home from work with takeout and flowers
and asked me if I was okay
I quickly wiped my tears away
I did not want him to see me cry
I told him "hello" with a fake smile
that you couldn't ignore if you tried
As I was taking the food out of the takeout bags
he looked at me so serious
I asked him what was the matter
he answered do not be ridiculous
I felt stupid for hiding my sadness
I felt even more dumb for being sad in the first place
As I cleared my throat to tell him what was wrong
he kindly put his hand on my face
He said "I do not know what is making you sad
if it is something I can help you with then please let me help
I know how much you like to do things on your own
but sometimes we all need to lean on somebody else
I am not here just for the good days
I am here for the bad days too
and if you want to sit and cry
then I will sit and cry with you
Do not be ashamed to tell me how you are feeling
I won't be angry at you for being human
I will hold you for hours if you want me to
while I list off the reasons why you are an amazing woman
I will spend hours being a goof
until I get you to laugh
or I will lay down with you in bed
and watch you sleep as I caress your hand
If singing you a song will make you feel better
I will sing every song that I know
If I could go to space and bring you every single star in the sky
I would do that if it will make your smile glow
I am sorry you feel this way
I am sorry your day ******
I will do everything to make you feel better
because I love you that much."

People say we are crazy
they say it is strange that we never fight
We do fight, we bicker, we disagree
we just happen to fight in person instead of on Facebook

They say we should get married
we act like a married couple so we might as well tie the knot
We do want to get married
We will marry when we are ready to not because the world thinks that we should

They say you should be more romantic and buy me things
I don't want expensive dinners and diamonds
You know that about me
You are romantic
They don't know about the dances in the rain
or that one time we flew all the way to Chicago in the winter time
just so you could kiss me in the snow because you knew that is all I wanted for Christmas

They say I never talk about you or show you off on social media so I must be unhappy
I am happy
I love how you wear Mickey Mouse ears just to make me laugh,
how you memorized my favorite One Direction song
so you can sing it to me out of tune while I am doing the dishes
I love coming home from work and seeing the house cleaned because you know I hate messes
I don't have time to post every detail about you on the internet because I am too busy spending time with you

I really love it when someone sees you at the bar with some girl
and they immediately think you're cheating on me
when in reality the girl you were with was your sister and you both were waiting for me to leave work so we could all go to dinner together

It is funny how people can be so nosy and judgmental about things they know nothing about
It does not matter though
We love each other so much
We prove it to each other everyday without the internet's help
We are madly in love with each other
That is all that matters.

I'm so tired of fighting with you
I can't do it anymore
you won't even cuddle with me in bed
which is why I choose to sleep on the floor
You say you feel stuck with me
and you know that's not the case
it makes me so angry when you say that
to the point I can't even look at your face
If you don't want to be here anymore
just say so don't fake being happy all the time
of course I'll be sad if you go
but I swear I'll be just fine
I don't mind being alone
I just love having you around
but our fighting needs to stop
we need out of this circle in which we are both spinning around in
I will do my best to change my ways
but you got to know I'm not perfect
you need to be honest about your feelings
because I can't keep hurting
I don't like being mad at you
I don't like to argue
but when you tell me to "shut the **** up"
I don't know what else to do
I'm running out of ways to make you happy
I'm so stressed out now
What can I do to fix this?
I want us to be okay again
I want all of this fighting to stop
before I end up losing my best friend.

I know that I hurt you
I’m sorry for what i did
I never meant to lie to you
about all the things that I hid
I never meant to run away
whenever we got into a fight
I always came back because I loved you
and I wanted to make things right
I meant it when I said I wanted to be with you forever
I meant it when I promised to stand by your side through whatever
whenever we were apart
all I did was think of you
I thought of all the good times
as well as the bad times too
My heart belongs to you
you had me from the start
if I ever had to live without you
I think I’d fall apart
I’m really sorry I hurt you
I know I can’t take back what I did
I’ll do all I can to make up for it
and all the secrets that I hid

My best friend is having a baby with his girlfriend
it is killing me inside
It is because I am in love with him
it hurts to see her by his side
I have loved him for awhile
but I have kept my mouth shut
I did not want to create drama
although my feelings bothered me a lot
I have cried myself to sleep
knowing that he loves her instead of me
We were meant to be just friends
that is the way it has to be
I would do anything for him
I am here for him through thick and thin
Yet not a day goes by
where I wish to be with him
I have got to stop wishing though
it is a wish that will never come true
Even though it hurts to do so
getting over him is what I have got to do

It’s 3 A.M. England time
I’m laying in bed with your scent on my sheets
if I concentrate just right
I swear I can hear your heartbeat.
Your millions of miles away
I wish I could hear your voice
but heaven doesn’t have a phone
only angels to console you when you cry.
I miss the little things you used to do
like brushing your teeth and combing your hair
putting extra sugar in your coffee
while playing records near the rocking chair.
Sleeping without you is the hardest
I have dreams that your right next to me
then I wake up calling for you
only to realize it was a memory.
I wish you were here to see the snow
so we can make love with the windows wide open,
to write songs with your guitar
then drive through town as we sing them.
To lean on your shoulder and hold your hand in mine
is the thing I miss the most
I think of that as I snuggle under our blankets
as I hold your pillow close.

I miss the way you smile
I miss the way you kiss
I miss the way you brighten my world
when a smile comes across your lips
I miss the way you hold me
when it's cold out because of the rain
I miss the way you wipe away my tears
whenever I'm feeling pain
I miss the way you whisper in my ear
as we lay in bed in the dark
I miss the way you stand by my side
whenever my world falls apart
I miss the way you make me laugh
on days I'm not feeling well
I miss the way you stare at me
your eyes distracted me from my personal hell
I miss the way you hold my hand
as we watch movies till 3 a.m.
I miss the way you tell me you love me
for being just the way I am
I miss the way you tell me I'm beautiful
as I put eyeliner around my eyes
I miss the way you keep me to yourself
when we are hanging around with other guys
I miss the little things you do for me
I miss cuddling in your arms
I miss waking up to you looking at me
that was always my favorite alarm
The hardest thing is missing your presence
I miss everything you do
I miss all the days we can't ever get back
but most importantly I really miss you.

Only you have the power to make me feel so insecure
every time I ask you how you feel about me
your answer is "I'm not sure"
Sometimes I question why I'm even in a relationship for
I'm at the point of saying "**** it. I don't give a **** anymore."
If I were to walk away
you wouldn't even see me leave
you wouldn't blink, you wouldn't worry or chase after me
I'd just be another toy you would add to your book of fantasies
You only wanted one thing
you got it
now you have no more use for me.

You miss out on so much when you do not take the time to read anything. Sometimes the things your soul really needs to hear are right in front of you. You just won't make the effort to find it and read it.

You told me you loved me for the first time today
As soon as you said those three words
I felt the earth stop moving
Time stood still
All I could hear was the sound of my heart
thumping with fear
My throat closed up when I tried to speak
I could see the disappointment in your eyes
once you realized that I didn't say I loved you back
It's not that I don't love you
I do love you
I really do
I just can't say the words out loud
I am too terrified to tell you how I feel
I know communication is important in a relationship
I am great with communicating
At least I used to be
I used to be fearless with confessing my feelings
Until I learned confessing my feelings just opens the door
to heartbreak I'm not sure I ever recovered from
I'm sorry I can't say those three words back
You deserve to be with a woman who is fearless in love
A woman who doesn't let the past keep her
from embracing someone great that is standing right
in front of her face
I'm sorry
I can't do this

Another night without you
lying here wishing I had you next to me
Another star goes by
I make a wish and hope with all my heart
it comes true
I've never wanted anything or anyone
as badly as I want you
I know that I'm probably not on your mind
but you're on mine all the **** time
If you ever feel alone
if you feel your world coming undone
Don't ever think for a second
that nobody loves you
If you're doubting your existence
don't let your mind tell you that you don't matter
Someone out there wants you to know
how special you are
In case you were wondering
that person is me
If I could give you anything
I'd give you my heart
I'd give you the moon
the stars
even heaven itself
I love you so much
in case you were wondering

He loves her
He loves her so deep it terrifies him
She is everything he has ever wanted in a woman
She challenges him
She makes him laugh
She listens to his words with patience and understanding
She compliments him
He thinks he's not good looking
but in her eyes he's magnificent
She causes him to dream about things he gave up wanting
out of fear history would repeat itself
and tear him apart
She doesn't fool around with other men
because she only wants one
He wants to touch her
He wants to smell her hair
kiss her neck
then take her to bed
He wants to love on her all night
and make breakfast for her in the morning
He wants a future with her
He had her once before
but he let her go because of fear
and he regrets it
He knows she'll wait for him
but he's worried she will get tired of waiting
She deserves so much
but he feels he has nothing to offer her
even though he has everything she needs and more
When she is by his side nothing else matters
He wants to tell her how he feels
He wants the regret to stop eating away at him
He wants to go back in time to the night he lied
and told her "I don't love you anymore"
He wants to stop her from walking out the front door
leaving him alone with the choice he made

His door bell rings
He asked her to come over so he could talk to her
He has no idea what her reaction will be
when he tells her he's still in love with her
His heart is pounding
His palms are sweaty
The door bell ring again
He takes a deep breath and opens the door
There she is
The most beautiful woman he has ever seen
She says his name and he melts
As he hugs her he prays that when the night is over
he has finally told her the truth
and he hopes to God she feels the same way

In my imaginary world
it rains everyday
it isn’t a cold and nasty rain
it’s the kind that makes pain go away
In my imaginary world
no one sheds a tear
everyone is always happy
as if everyday was New Years
In my imaginary world
I am successful and wealthy
I’m making others dreams come true
and my body is really healthy
In my imaginary world
couples never split
no one cheats and fights with each other
and no one throws stupid fits
In my imaginary world
anything is possible
stories you read become reality
and the world looks unbelievable
In my imaginary world
I’m gorgeous like an angel
there is no such thing as ugliness
because everyone is beautiful
In my imaginary world
everyone lives forever
everyone is forever young
and no one says the word “never”
In my imaginary world
death doesn’t exist
life is for eternity
it’s something that won’t ever be missed

Insecurities keep your voice from being heard

I feel like I am being pinned to the floor
as if someone is holding a pillow over my face
making it hard to breathe
I see the world spinning
I see colors mixing together making it hard to see straight
I am getting dizzy and it makes me want to throw up
Honestly all I want to do is sleep
I am tired
I am so tired that I am turning into a different person
I get so angry
I get so overwhelmed
Even when I do sleep it still feels like I have been up all night
I can't take much more of this
I am goIng CRazy
I JUST WANT TO SLEEP
I AM SO TIRED I JUST WANT TO CRY
I CAN SLEEP FOR TWO DAYS STRAIGHT AND STILL FEEL TIRED
I CAN'T EVEN KEEP MY EYES OPEN AS I WALK
I REALLY CAN'T TAke this anymore
I don't know what to do
I just want to sleep


This was written back when my insomnia was so bad I missed a week of school because I could not sleep. I was up for almost a week one time, my eyes had black circles underneath them, I could not take part in a conversation because my words would slur. I had one incident where I was walking home from school one afternoon and I fell asleep while walking. There were many times my Mom had to pick me up early from school because I would go to the counselors office so exhausted that she thought I was on drugs but I wasn't. My therapist at the time put me on sleeping pills. I missed another week of school to catch up on sleep I was missing and after about a month of developing a healthy sleep schedule, I was feeling much better. I still struggle with Insomnia from time to time but as an adult now I have better control over it than I did when I was a teenager. People think Insomnia is not a big deal but it actually is a big deal and it can cause many problems for people.

Walk with me barefoot in the snow
dance with me naked in the rain
Tell me your darkest secrets
let me kiss your pain away
Hold your breath and count to ten
let your body relax
Take my hand and run
try not to breathe so fast
Say your last words
as the spark leaves your eyes
Watch your life play back to you in flashbacks
as death takes you by surprise
Jump off of that cliff your so afraid of
let your body break into pieces on the ground
Let your soul enter eternity
do not make a sound

I am sitting next to a window on an airplane
It's 2:05 in the morning
I am watching the lights of the city I love
shine brightly below me
The higher I get in the sky
the smaller the world looks
yet for me I feel so big
and I am not scared of anything
When I am on the ground
I feel like anything can harm me
However in the sky
I feel like I can do the impossible
I don't mean perform miracles like Jesus
I mean my dreams
Everything my heart desires that I think will never happen
seems possible now that I am high in the air
Those hours on the plane are unlike anything I have ever felt
Most of the people around me are irritated
and can't wait to get back on the ground
but not me
I could stay here all day if it means I get to feel this way the entire time
I don't mind at all

It's 6:05 in the morning now
I can see the tiny world below me waking up to a new day
The plane is about to land and I feel an ache in my chest
As I feel the wheels hit the ground I feel myself start to cry
I don't mind being on the ground
as long as I maintain the same feeling I had when I was in the sky

You have no idea
how much joy you bring into my life
Every time I am around you
I feel more and more alive
You make me giggle with a simple stare
your blue eyes are just gorgeous
When I hear your voice my heart does jumping jacks
and all I want to do is kiss your lips
You have a positive affect on me
you make me want to be a better person
You listen to me when I speak
you are there to comfort me when I am hurting
You make me feel so comfortable in my skin
I feel so pretty when you're around
You have a way of making the world shine beautifully
when my depression has me down
You're the sun that radiates through me
You're the waves in the ocean
You're my endless adventure
that makes me want to be closer to you
You set me free in a way no man has ever done before
You're the sparkle in my eyes
You're the inspiration behind this poem

I have no idea what you look like
but I know you are flawlessly beautiful
I have never touched you
but I can feel your arms around me as I sleep
I have never heard your voice
but I hear the sweet things you whisper to me
I have never spoken to you in person
but I know that I can trust you with anything
I do not know what makes you tick
I do not know what kind of music you are into
I do not know anything about you
All that I know is you're from the future
You're my soul mate who is waiting for me
and until we meet I will continue to search for you
so that when we meet in person
I can show you this poem to prove I have loved you before I met you
and I will continue to love you even after I die

I stepped into your shoes today
and I felt devestation
a death in the family took you by surprise
now you're contemplating suicide again
I stepped into your shoes today
and I felt so proud
you graduated High School
you're screaming in your victory voice so loud
I stepped into your shoes today
and your heart is breaking
your boyfriend just broke up with you
you're throwing everything away that’s no longer worth saving
I stepped into your shoes today
and I felt guilty
you cut after almost a year
now you're feeling ugly
I stepped into your shoes today
and I felt depressed
you're getting ready to **** yourself
because you feel so helpless
I stepped into your shoes today
and I felt scared
you're about to have your first baby
and the father isn’t there
I stepped into your shoes today
and I got a really bad tummy ache
you have Cancer and you're dying
there’s not much more your body can take
I stepped into your shoes today
and I started to cry
your husband was called into war
this could be your final goodbye
I stepped into your shoes today
and I felt nervous
you're leaving for college in two days
and you can’t seem to find your courage
I stepped into your shoes today
and I felt lost
you're five years old, you lost your Mom and it’s almost getting dark
I stepped into your shoes today
and I felt overjoyed
you won an award for your writing
you are filled with so much pride
I stepped into your shoes today
and I felt peace
you lived your life, you reached your dreams
you're as ready for death as you will ever be
I stepped into your shoes today
and I felt in love
you just married the love of your life
in front of your family, friends and God
I stepped back into my own shoes today
and I felt grateful
I realized I’m not the only one on earth with problems
and I’m thankful for all that I have

I wonder what heaven is like
is it really great as it seems?
Is everyone forever young and beautiful?
Do you meet people from your dreams?
Does God really hold you in his arms
as he welcomes you home for good?
Is heaven really full of love and hope
or is it sadly just misunderstood?
I wonder if it snows in heaven
Winter is my favorite season
I wonder if I were to sit on a cloud
would God sit next to me and tell me that he loves me for no reason?
I wonder if you have thoughts in heaven
and if so do bad thoughts disappear?
I wonder if you could really fly
even if flying is your biggest fear
I wonder if God would even let me into heaven
he really should send me to hell
Where am I going to go when I die?
Right now I can't even tell
I don't know what is going to happen to my soul
when I take my last breath for good
Is there really even a heaven?
Maybe I should go find out

Don't ask me to be perfect
just tell me to be me
Don't tell me what a **** up I am
because tears are all you will see
Don't tell me you want me today
then tomorrow go off with some girl you just met
Don't pressure me into marrying you
I'm not ready for that just yet
Don't ask me to change my style
my style isn't what needs to be judged
Whether you like or not as a person
is a type of honesty that will win you hugs
Don't ask me to be happy
when I'm having a very bad day
let me cry and get over myself
my anger will eventually go away
Don't ask me to look like a celebrity
that's a fantasy that won't come true
Don't ask me to change anything
when I'm standing here accepting you
Don't kiss my lips today
just to call me a ***** tomorrow
Don't hold me and tell me how amazing I am
just so you can later call me horrible
Don't give me a gift as a way to kiss my ***
because I will not take it
Don't ever tell me you love me
unless you absolutely mean it.

I just want to be with a man who won't run away when I tell him that I have a mental disorder

I believe in the term "Anything Is Possible"
I believe you can make something positive out of a situation that is terrible
I believe that with hope and prayer lives can be saved
I believe that miracles happen each and everyday
I believe true love lasts forever even if you're young
I believe you become stronger when you don't listen to everyone
I believe in the goodness of people even after a broken heart
I believe that greatness is born after something falls apart
I believe you can still be a kid even though you grow up
I believe in dreams coming true if you do your best not to give up
I believe God has your back even though you can't see his face
I believe everyone is special despite their religion and their race
I believe in going to heaven after a person dies
I believe it is 100% okay to cry and not know why
I believe I can change the world
I know I can't do it on my own
I believe in friendships
I know that I am never alone

Seeing you for the first time
was like walking on air
after years of struggling just to take one single step
Touching you was like waking up from a nightmare
I had been trapped in
for what felt like an eternity
Hearing your laugh
was like listening to my favorite band for the first time
through headphones and feeling my heart
beat so fast I thought it would explode
Seeing your smile
was like falling off of a cliff
and landing on a bed of roses in a field made of stars
Hugging you was like taking a breath
after suffocating for so long
Kissing you was like fireworks on the fourth of July
with the warmth of Christmas
and the anxiousness of Halloween
Hearing you say "I love you"
was like coming home
and all of the pain I endured in my past
finally made sense
It all led me to you
Wonderful,
complex,
lovely,
handsome,
beautiful,
breathtaking­,
strong,
a dream come true
It all led me to you

It can be hard sometimes to see your friends
moving on in their lives in ways you wish you could
Some are getting engaged
some are getting married
some are having their first baby
some are already on their third baby
It's not that you are not happy for them because you are
you are ecstatic and you are probably the person they laugh at
for being extremely excited for the happiness in their lives
It's not that you are not satisfied in your life
you love where you are because you know this is where you need to be
but sometimes you can't help but look around and think
"when will my time come?
When will I meet the one who is going to choose to
spend the rest of his life with me?
When will I get to cry at the sight of a beautiful ring?
When will I have the opportunity to stand in front of my loved ones
and declare my love for one person?
When will I get to bring a child of my own into the world?
When will I get to wake up to little arms wanting a hug as they call me mommy?"
Sometimes I feel like the universe is punishing me
because at one point in my life I was so certain I didn't want to be married
I never wanted kids
I never wanted to take the risk of giving my heart away
and trusting someone to not break it
I never wanted to give up my sleeping in however late I want
for having to wake up early in the morning for feedings
and tantrums
I never wanted to sacrifice my body to carry a child
that I would have to be responsible for the rest of my life
I never thought I was good enough to be with someone forever
I always thought I was too messed up in the head to love and guide
another human being into being whoever their heart desired
I was so sure I wanted to live my life alone
without any distractions
Now I changed my mind
I am by myself and I hate not having anyone to come home to
I have all of this freedom and all I want to do is let it go
and be needed
be wanted and share this intense I swear to God it will **** me
love I have inside with someone who will bring out the very
best in me
I don't want to be married tomorrow
I don't want to be a mom tomorrow
but sometimes I feel like I am in competition with everyone
and I hate it
I wish I never wished for the things I did
I wish I wasn't so scared to put myself out there
and I wish I never spent so many years doubting the one thing
I know I would kick *** at
and that's being a mother
I have a long way to go as far as working on myself
and I am not unhappy with my life
I lack patience and sometimes the excitement of
all of the wonderful possibilities my future holds
that haven't happened yet cause me to become so impatient
that I convince myself that certain dreams won't ever come true
I don't want to rush things
I want to enjoy the journey of falling in love
and becoming a parent
Some may think I am crazy and a little bit unrealistic
but I believe in my heart that those things are out there for me
I can't explain the feeling
I just know in my deepest heart it will happen
and when it does I will be so grateful for everything working out
in it's own time

I can't walk up to a stranger and introduce myself
without feeling out of my skin
I can't be surrounded by family
without feeling my world caving in
I can't text a person without feeling like I am bothering them
I can't open up to people
without worrying I am too weird for them
I am not putting on a show
or making up excuses
I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder
yes it is a real illness

I need some time to figure out where I want to go in this life
If I can get just a little bit of air
I think I will be alright
I need to make some changes
I just feel so alone
I've built up so much anger
I don't know what to do with it anymore
Everyone around me is moving on
as I'm stuck in the same **** place
There is no light waiting for me at the end of the tunnel
I'm no use for anything
I gave up kissing *** a long time ago
I won't go back to that now
I need to run away
I got to reach all of my dreams
but right now I just don't know how.

It’s eleven o'clock at night
I’m lying here awake
I’m thinking of all the mistakes I’ve made
and how they brought me to hate
the one and only person who always stood by my side
yet I pushed him away out of fear
now all I do is cry
how could I have been so stupid
to never let myself see
that the man of my dreams
was standing right in front of me
he gave me his all
even when I didn’t deserve it
still I broke his heart
then walked away and laughed about it
I’ve become a heartless *****
after being hurt too many times
I got sick of the games
and all the ******* lies
so I turned the tables
on every heartless boy
now I’m the one who’s in control
I treat everyone with a heart like their toys
I guess it’s true what they say
you are how you feel
I just never imagined my pain was this real
I’ve become the feelings
I’ve hid away in my chest
I stopped being the good girl
and became the world’s heartless *****

I woke up in the middle of the night
with my phone going off like crazy
I sat up in my bed and answered
still sounding a bit hazy
It took me a minute to recognize the voice
on the other end of the line
When it hit me as to who was speaking
I almost started to cry
It was the man I gave my heart to a long time ago
I never thought we would speak again
We haven't spoken in four years
even though we promised to remain friends
I sat in silence for a minute
unsure of what to say
He cleared his throat then spoke
and my heart began to race away
All he said was that he was sorry
then it was silence again
I asked what he was sorry for
he took in a deep breath and said
"I'm sorry for realizing too late
how much you mean to me
I love you, I want to be with you
I was just too before stubborn to admit that."
He said he had to go
so he hung up the phone
I sat with quiet tears running down my cheeks
hoping not to wake my husband sleeping next to me

Sometimes I go for a walk and when I walk I think of ways to make the earth a better place
I think of those who are my age struggling with issues nobody else can understand.
I think of those who get made fun of for issues that aren’t even their fault and it frustrates me.
I want to save every teen from stress, from sadness, from wanting to hurt themselves but I can’t because I’m not God.
Some boy or girl is going to die of suicide and there is nothing I can do about it because I can only be in one place, one city, one state, one time zone at a time.

I woke up with a feeling I couldn't shake off
I felt sick, depressed, and a little *******
I had so much to do
what I really wanted to do was sleep
I managed to leave my house
trying my best not to weep
I could not stop thinking about you
I could hear your voice in my ears
I don't understand why we broke up
after being together for three years
You said you found someone else
well tell that to our daughter
tell her why your never home
tell her why she rarely sees her father
I packed up your stuff
it's in a box by the front door
I changed the sheets on our bed
I couldn't stand the smell of you anymore
I took our daughter to my mother's
just until I get my head straight
I already filed for divorce
I sign papers tomorrow and I can't wait
I don't need you to live my life
I don't need you to be successful
I wanted to share my life with you
but now that is not possible
I'm going to use these three years as a lesson learned
I will get stronger from this
I will love our daughter and move on
I will give my new life my best