You're the first person to ever calm the chaos
that corrupts my mind daily
Your touch clears away my anxiety
Your laughter eases my depression
Your smile eases my racing thoughts
Your presence alone scares away all of my demons

He doesn't allow me to pay for dinner
that is something I have to get used to
He tells me I am beautiful every chance he gets
that is another thing I have to get used to
He always texts me back first chance he gets
he always picks up the phone when I call
When I have an anxiety attack he doesn't get frustrated
he holds me and reminds me that I am not alone
He shares poetic things to my wall on Facebook
because he knows how much I love poetry
He watches me as I write
he says he finds my passion interesting
He lets me pick the music in his car
since he knows music calms me down
He always holds my hand when we are sitting together
and cuddles me when we're lying down
He is the type of man who will spend Friday nights
watching Netflix while eating pizza
He is the type that will listen to you
as you go on and on about absolutely nothing
He is the kind of man who won't play with your heart
he will keep it safe right next to his
He is what every woman is looking for in a man
he is my boyfriend and I adore him

You have been gone for three years now
so much has changed
It feels like everything fell apart once you died
Your death still gets to me
My heart breaks whenever I think of you
Hearing your name brings tears to my eyes sometimes
I feel so much guilt
for never fixing whatever it was that got us to fight so much
It wasn't anything you did
It was me
I was a teenager so angry at the world
I pushed away everyone including my best friend
I feel like such a hypocrite for missing you
I don't feel like I deserve to miss you
after the way I treated you the last time I saw you in person
I told you to *******
I was angry that you were back on drugs again
I wanted the guy who used to laugh with me in church
I wanted the person you used to be
I wanted the person you were back when we were eight years old
just being kids
I wanted life to go back to the way it was
before puberty, love and drugs ****** everything up
Maybe I was mad at myself for wishing for such a ridiculous thing
Maybe I was just a selfish little *****
who only gave a **** about her boyfriend at the time
On nights like tonight I just sit here and cry
because I miss you
I miss you so much I feel like I am slowly dying
Since your death I keep everyone at arms length
I am so scared I will forget your existence
if I allow myself to get too close to anybody
I really hope you knew how much I loved you
I really hope you knew how much I cared for you
even when I was mad at you
I am sorry for how I treated you the last time I saw you
Please forgive me

He looked at her with a smile in his eyes
and it was in that very moment
he realized that she was the one.

I spoke to Derek Sanders from Mayday parade on the phone last night.
It was a dream come true.

As soon as you see someone smiling
you have to turn their smile into a frown
If someone is getting recognition at a party
you have to steal their spotlight and bring them down
If two people are getting along romantically
you look for ways to tear them apart
If nothing goes your way
you use people as weapons as you stomp on everyone's hearts
You make threats that could land you in jail
only to turn the tables to make yourself look like the victim
You bring your children into your nonsense
not giving a thought on how much your negativity will affect them
You put on a constant show
while causing chaos behind the scenes
You are a drama addict
you need help desperately

He said I was a daydream
disguised as a nightmare
He said that I am a nice person
full of a lot of compassion
yet I pretend to be mean
to keep myself from being hurt
He's right
It was then the walls around my heart fell down
and I was no longer afraid to feel