Come a little closer
there is nothing to fear
I have been inside you since your birth
I am that tiny voice speaking in your ear
I am not the devil
I am not a ghost
I am not a figment of your imagination
I am a part of your soul
I hold all of your passions
I keep them safe day in and day out
When you feel you have nothing to offer the world
I remind you what I am all about
I am the mother of your talents
I am the father of your challenges
I am the spark in your eye
I am what causes your heart to beat with happiness
I am the thing you fear the most
because you are the only one who can see me
Only you have the power to reach inside yourself
and release me
I am the goosebumps on your arm
I am your purpose here on earth
I am everything you want in life and more
I am your dream
knocking patiently on your door

You are yelling my name
I can hear sirens singing in unison
I try to open my eyes but it hurts too much to try
I am tired
but your voice keeps pulling me away from sleep
I try to move my hands
They feel like they are on fire
Shards of glass are stuck to my fingers
I am cold
I can feel the concrete on my back
I feel hands touching me
I am poked, prodded and given an oxygen mask
My head is throbbing
I try to remember how I got here
but I can't
I finally find the strength to open my eyes
I see my car smashed
A semi truck hit me throwing me from my car
I didn't even see it
I was not prepared to spend my evening lying on the highway
in the dark
I feel myself going in and out of consciousness
I feel your hand squeezing mine begging me to hold on
I want to
God do I want to but it hurts
I see angels
Beautiful angels reaching out their arms
asking me to go with them
I want to but I don't want to leave you
If I go with the angels
all of my pain will go away
If I stay
I will be in agony
I shake my head no to the angels
I can't leave you
The angels disappear
I feel myself being lifted and taken to the ambulance
As paramedics reassure me I will be okay
I grasp your hand as hard as I can
Your hand in mine
is the only thing that doesn't hurt

It hit me today how much I am in love with you
I didn't know I was until you left
You moved to California for a job
and once I got home from dropping you off at the airport
I noticed your laughter was now nothing but an echo
bouncing off the walls that holds conversations we had on Saturdays
where we stayed up all night drinking talking about
every heartache we each suffered in our young lives
When you told me a month ago you were leaving
I was happy for you
I knew how much you wanted to get out of town and
make something out of yourself
I told you that California was lucky to have you because
it was about to get a heart that is full of so much wonder and love
You asked me to go with you
I told you that sometimes friends have to let each other go
I remember you looking sad when I said that
I couldn't understand why you would be sad though
It wasn't until I went into the kitchen to make dinner
I called for you so you could list off ideas on what to eat
After I said your name out loud and you didn't answer
my heart broke
It was then I had flashbacks of every moment we shared together
All of the good and the bad
you were here for everything
When I got stood up on that date last February
you were there to take that idiot's place
so that I wouldn't feel stupid
When I had anxiety attacks
you stayed up until four in the morning
sacrificing sleep for work just to make sure I was alright
When my parents divorced
you were the glue that held my heart together
When I had the flu for a week
you stayed over watching *** In The City with me
in your pajamas while we ate soup that you made from scratch
What got me though was the memory of you and I
sitting outside smoking a cigarette and out of nowhere
you sang that Mayday Parade song "Even Robots Need Blankets"
and I thought you were singing it because
you know how much I love that song but
now that I think about it you were singing it TO me
You were telling me how you felt and I was too blind to see
what was right in front of me
When I came back to reality I had to call you
I went to my bedroom to grab my phone and that's when I found it
I found a plane ticket with a note
The ticket was to California
I opened the note and with shaky hands I read it
It said

"Saying goodbye to you is the hardest thing I could ever do considering how much I am in love with you. I left you this ticket because I can't enter this new chapter in my life without the person who makes me fearless. That person is you. As you read this note I am sitting in the airport waiting to board a flight that I rescheduled. The time I have should match the time on your ticket. I am waiting for you. Please change your mind and come with me."

I checked the time
I had twenty minutes to get to the airport
I grabbed my phone, my purse and my keys to leave for California
with my soulmate before it was too late

I was told today to drop dead
to go away because I am annoying
I went home, shut my bedroom door
and immediately started crying
I've been told these words before
you think they would be easier to hear
Yet every time those words are said
I am consumed by my biggest fears
My emotional scars re-open
revealing a vulnerable part of me I try so hard to hide
I'm taken back to seven years ago
when my only thoughts were of suicide
I don't mean to be annoying
I can't help who I am
I'm sorry I'm not good enough
but there is no way you will forgive me is there?
This is what happens when you care so much
you tend to get hurt
This is why I build up walls
because humans are the worst
So I sit here writing this poem
on my cold bathroom floor
Letting my tears fall down my face
as I try to mend my heart that you just broke

Always being watched even as you're taking a shower
Afraid to turn your lights off at night
because you don't want to know what lurks in the dark
Having encounters with ghosts
who manipulate you into thinking they are alive human beings
Always being attacked by dark forces
because of mistakes your ancestors made in the past
Someone is always bleeding
Someone is always being haunted
Being locked up in an institution
to be experimented on like a guinea pig
Mysteries, curses, deformities
Using spells to keep your loved ones safe
Staying aware of crazy clowns
who get pleasure out of stabbing people for no reason at all
Men with no eyes coming out of mattresses
Suicides
Self mutilation
Mental disorders
***
Romance
****
Psychological thriller
Fantasies
Realities
You start to question your mentality state
when you fall in love with a serial killer
and wish for an innocent victim to die
Facts
Imagination
Your beliefs will be tested
Your religion will be tested
Your loyalty will be tested
Your view of yourself and others who are different from you
will change
Your dreams will be bothered by the fact that pain brings you pleasure
and vice versa
Nightmares
Gore
Survival
Anger
Sadness
Death
Just when you think you have seen it all
it surprises you
Every year the story gets better
Every year is more intense
More creepy
More ****** up
Every year you are mind ****** as you sit on the edge of your seat
I know
I sound really insane however
I will not say I am sorry
It is just another year
in American Horror Story

I refer to those who are interested in the same *** as "The Cooler People."
Why?
They are the only group of people who have the courage to love who their heart desires with no fear at all
while us straight people are scared **** less to love who we really love because of what people might say or think.
The fact that same *** couples are fearless despite what the world thinks is really awesome and that makes them cooler than the rest of us.


Love Wins!

Hello October!
I have missed you so
I have been counting down the days until I see you
and all that you have to show
Fall has been here for a week
We have already begun our holiday traditions
I am looking forward to seeing November too
you have no idea how much I have missed him
How have you been?
You look beautiful as ever
The crew will be complete
once we are in the arms of our dear friend cooler weather
Our other friends are on their way to town
to throw the best parties of the year
I am ecstatic to see Jack Skellington
things are always better when he is near
I am so excited to have you here for the next thirty days
I am ready to be gory
and insane in so many ways
It feels so good to hug you
you are just as I remember
I am so glad to have my best friend back
Welcome home October!