I decided to make some changes for myself
starting with my social life
It seems that whenever I trust somebody
I end up paying some sort of price
I need to start doing good in school
I cannot keep ******* around
When the pressure is high and life is out of control
I gotta keep my feet on the ground
I need to do more physically
I sit around too much
I need to start hanging out with more people
that way I do not turn into an unsocial nut
I need to start reaching my goals
they are very important to me
I need to think more about my future
there is so much that I want to see
I need to change my attitude  
I am turning into a *****
I need to stop being jealous of others
I am too old to be throwing any fits
I need to start making changes now
there is no better time than the present
I need to start setting up a life for myself
and drop all of my bad habits
I need to be a better friend
before I lose someone very important
When my friends make stupid life long decisions
it is my job to love them, not judge them
I need to re-think about a lot of things
I am starting to hate the person I am becoming
I need to catch myself before I fall too hard
and forever lose myself

My best friend is having a baby with his girlfriend
it is killing me inside
It is because I am in love with him
it hurts to see her by his side
I have loved him for awhile
but I have kept my mouth shut
I did not want to create drama
although my feelings bothered me a lot
I have cried myself to sleep
knowing that he loves her instead of me
We were meant to be just friends
that is the way it has to be
I would do anything for him
I am here for him through thick and thin
Yet not a day goes by
where I wish to be with him
I have got to stop wishing though
it is a wish that will never come true
Even though it hurts to do so
getting over him is what I have got to do

Today my world fell apart
one of my best friends died
As soon as I heard the news
all I wanted to do was cry
I felt my body go numb
in the person's arms who was holding me
I felt my tears fall to the floor like rain
as I sat there on my knees
As I walked home from school that day
I felt a raindrop on my head
I think about my last moments with my friend
and all of the things he said
He was the first one I went to
whenever I needed to cry
When I felt stupid about a challenge
he would always encourage me to try
His death was so unexpected
he was just here yesterday
How can someone you hugged twenty four hours ago
just simply go away
Where do I go from here now
my life was revolved around him
Now I am here to live life alone
and I really, really miss him
As I get home and walk into my room
the rain falls outside in a rush
I sit in the dark and cry into my pillow
imagining his touch
All that is running through my head right now
is how life used to be
How I lost my best friend
who was a special part of me

I feel like I cannot breathe
I feel like I am suffocating under so much pressure that I am forgetting who I am
I just want to explode
All of my emotions are eating away at me and no matter how hard I cry they will not leave my body
I just want to scream
I want to sleep and never wake up
I want to run away to a world where pain does not exist
I really want things to be the way they used to be
When friends were there for you no matter what you did
When school was like a giant playground because everything you did was fun
When the only time you cried was when you fell off of your bike and skinned your knee
When the only thing you had to worry about were your brothers destroying your Barbie dolls
When just a kiss from your Mom healed the heartbreak of the first boy who did not like you

Now as I sit in algebra writing this
I think about the times I have hurt myself just to numb the pain inside
I think about the boyfriends who broke up with me and I still loved them because I promised to always love them
I think of all the friends I never had due to moving around so many times
I think about the times I chose not to eat because I thought I had to be thin like Britney Spears just to be considered beautiful
I have wasted so much time in my teen years
I followed everyone else instead of following my heart
I ran away from my problems instead of facing them
I had so much potential but I was too dumb and too blind to see that
Now I am seeing who I really am
I am finally gaining the courage to be myself
I can't take back the years that I lost
All things happen for a reason
I am thankful for half the crap I went through
Those hard times made me a better person
I have loved, I have hated
I have been used, I have been betrayed
No matter who hurts me, no matter what happens
I love my life either way
I am happy with the friends I have
They always put a smile on my face
Whether they choose to walk out of my life
Whether they choose to stay in my life
No one can ever take their place

I still feel like I cannot breathe
The pressure is slowly going away
Even though I am very tired
I am going to push myself through this day
Even though I want to explode
I will not let my emotions get the best of me
I am going to breathe, I am going to be strong
and just let the day be

When I think about forever
I think of being with you
I think of you always being by my side
through everything we may have to go through
I think of conquering our dreams together
and making each other smile
I think of us staying strong for each other
if distance separated us for awhile
I think of us being lovers and friends
who never give up on love
I think of us still being madly in love with each other
if one of us was taken above
I think of an amazing future
it is so exciting to see
When I think about forever
I think of you and me

When life falls apart and you feel you can't be strong
know that I am here for you
I have been all along
I have always had your back
I am just waiting for your call
I have seen what you are going through
I have been there through it all
I am here to hold your hand
I am here to catch your tears
I am here to make you laugh
and walk with you as you face your fears
I am here to make you smile
I am here for every storm
I am here to hold you tight
even after your not hurting anymore
My hugs are nothing special
I just hope they ease the pain
My advice may not be the best
I just hope it helps you through the rain
So when life is no longer falling apart
and you have finally made it along
Do not forget that I am still here for you
to remind you that you are strong

I wish I could take away your pain
I hate to see you cry
I really want to make you feel better
but you got to let me try
I do not like seeing you angry
it upsets me as well
I do not like worrying if you are okay or not
but lately I can never tell
I hope things get better for you
I do not like seeing you stressed
I know I can't make everything better
I am really trying my best
All I can do is be here for you
Try my hardest to not let you down
Just know that whenever you need me
I will always be around