Can I ask you a question?
Do you really love me?
Can I have a second of your time?
I just want you to spend time with me
Can I have your attention?
I want to tell you how you make me feel
Will you please answer the phone?
I want you to know that these feelings I have are real
Will you please sit with me?
I just want to hold you in my arms
Will you spend just one night with me?
I just want to hear your heartbeat so do not be alarmed
Will you take a walk with me?
I do not want to be alone
Will you spend forever with me?
My heart could be your home
Will you smile for me?
Your smile always brightens up my day
Will you hold my hand and never let go?
I don't want you to ever go away
Will you please just relax?
Listen to me when I tell you that everything will be fine
I am not asking for much
I am just asking for a little bit of your time

I hate myself
I hate the way I cry
I hate my view of the world
I hate the scars I leave on my body
I hate the way I think
I hate the way I walk
I hate the way I treat people when I am mad
I hate how I feel inside
I hate the choices I make
I hate how I cannot make anyone happy
I hate how I give up so quickly
I hate how I close myself off from the world so that I never risk getting hurt
I hate how I care so much about others
yet nobody cares whether I live or die
I hate how my family treats me
I hate the word goodbye
I hate how I look
I hate the dreams I have
I hate my name
I hate life in general
I hate love
I hate sleep
I hate not being perfect
I hate being a **** up
I hate how he is worth it
I hate everyone and everything
I wish all this hate would just go away

I want you to hold me
I want you to whisper into my ear
I want you to want me like never before
I want you to touch me everywhere
I want you to kiss my lips
I want you to look me in the eyes
I want you to pull me super close
and ******* alive
I want you to caress me with your hands
I want your body next to mine
I want to roll around in the sheets with you
and not wake up until nine
I want to fall asleep on your chest
as I listen to you breathe
I want this moment to last forever
as you take all of me

My sister is twelve weeks pregnant
she is having complications
She started bleeding three days ago
she thinks she is going to have a miscarriage
Something to do with the placenta tore
but the baby still has a heartbeat
Not only can my sister not lift anything
she has to stay off of her feet
I have never seen my sister worry
She is normally really strong
When I saw her crying three mornings ago
I knew that something was wrong
To hear that I might lose my niece or nephew killed me
I left the room to talk to God
I sat on a sidewalk, begin to cry
then I started praying really hard
I asked God to take my life
I told him that I would give my life for that baby
I told him he could break my heart by taking away my boyfriend
I would get over it eventually
I told him to get me pregnant and take my child
I can handle the loss better than my sister can
I asked him to give me excruciating pain
I am pretty good at holding my own hand
I told him that I would rather have cancer
than to see my sister in pain
I asked him to please let the baby live
that I would do anything
I will give up whatever I have to
so that baby has a chance at life
I promised I would not be bitter
as long as my sister was alright
I told him I was ready to go at anytime
if he has to take me then go ahead
Just as long as I do not have to hear the words
that my sister's child is dead
I would sacrifice my life for my sister
I would do the same for her kids as well
I would do anything God asked me to
just as long as my sister doesn't  have to go through this hell

Right now I am thinking about you
I am wondering how you are
I wish I that I could see your face
I wish you weren't so far
I feel lonely without you
I miss the look on your face when you laugh
I miss taking funny pictures with you
while watching movies on good days that we have
I look at your picture on my wall
I wish I could just kiss you
I want to run up to you, jump into your arms
and tell you how much I miss you
I cannot wait until you come home
everyone here misses you
You're all that I talk about
because I love you
You're the best thing that has happened to me in a long time
you're everything I ever wanted
You love me unconditionally
always have since the day we started
I hope to see you again soon
that will be my Christmas wish
To see you, hold you and dance with you in the snow
as we share our New Years kiss

It has been six days since I have seen you
your scent is still lingering on my shirt
I am trying my best to hold myself together
but it is hard because I am always hurting
I miss you so much like crazy
no words can describe the ache I feel
The fact that I miss you is just another reminder
that what we have is real
This distance is only temporary
the love we share is forever
The distance will not drive us apart
it will only make us stronger
Knowing you will come back to me soon
makes this long distance thing easier to do
Everyday that passes is another day where I am closer to being with you

I am standing in the bathroom
with a razor in my hand
My face is covered in tears
I want this pain to end
My chest is pounding hard, it hurts to breathe
I am slowly losing my mind
If I cut just once the pain will ease up
and in a few minutes I will be fine
I do not want to be fine this time
I just want to be dead
I am tired of always faking a smile
as evil voices fill my head
There is nothing left for me here
except for disappointments and unhappiness
No one cares if I live or die
so ***** it, I am going to do this
I cut my vein in the perfect spot
I drop the razor on the floor
Blood starts pouring out of me
I am not feeling pain anymore
I fall to the ground with my eyes closed
curling up to my knees
I let myself bleed to death
as I enter an eternity of peace