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i lose everything.
i take naps on winding roads
above mountains
and i even lose my dreams.

sometimes in the shower i pull
violently on
my face,
seeing if i'm real enough,
assuming that it will crumble in my hands
turn into a brown puddle
and drip down the drain.

my mouth feels dry and i
feel aching
where my shoulder meets my arm
and my clavicle is nothing but a stick
covered with a
man of flesh;
my body is making love
and layered upon one another in a
fiery bed of red.

the odd thing,
is i want to smoke
and sleep
and lose some things in my memory.
Déjà vu
only exists
for those
whose eyesight
has amnesia
 Feb 2014 Maman Screams
Àŧùl
Neither you nor I like the ruckus of this world.
We love our peace and we love it when quiet..
One day will come when our hearts will sing...

La di da-da-da...
La di da-da-da..
La di da-da-da.
My HP Poem #542
©Atul Kaushal
 Feb 2014 Maman Screams
RA
Walk invited
into my house.
Come change my whole
life upsidown.
Leave me a void
when you are gone.
Make me feel that
I don't belong.
Make my late hours
only your own.
Make me wish that
I was a stone.
When you're not here
then I will grieve,
but when you are,
I'll want to leave.
February 14, 2014
11:56 PM
     edited February 23, 2014
       i don't usually feel this way.
joy
Working hard to fund my hobbies
Proud my hard work is starting to pay off
Work is better I'm there to do my job get paid
Not everyone appreciates what they have
I have my own car the freedom to leave whenever
I'm being responsible hoping to one day find true love
Sobriety makes the world clear living the straight edge life makes sense
I'm loving life thankful and blessed
I'm challenging myself to be more
Do more create opportunity grow as a person
 Feb 2014 Maman Screams
RA
cracks.
 Feb 2014 Maman Screams
RA
Two people cannot run towards each other blindly
without colliding at some point, maybe breaking
each other just a bit, cracking all the boundaries
we have built for structure and protection in this
confusing world. I understand that you need
a bit of time, to teach yourself to either become
watertight again, or to at least appear so, or maybe
to live with these small vulnerabilities. So hey,
I'm opening my eyes. I'm not running, unseeing, at you
(r core), anymore. Take your time, take some
air, learn the feel of you(r walls) once more. I'm
walking carefully, now, feeling my way around
the painfully invigorating reality I couldn't see
before. When you are ready to see me again, I will walk
to you, and meet you halfway. Until then, I
am just waiting. And that's something I need
to teach myself to do, too. And that's
okay. I know that if I see you again, our eyes will be
clear, and our smiles honest, and our fissures healed, or just maybe
they will have become another essential opening, to let
the other in.
February 16, 2014
4:19 PM
edited February 23, 2014
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