To Him:
I can honestly say that this is the truth in its entirety
And that it needs to be said.
It needs to be said even if it absolutely repulses you.
Even if it’s only whispered at 3 a.m.,
When you’re hardly awake- much less listening.
Even if I have to write all this down
And poke these words into your auditory canal with my tiny fingers.
I am so sorry for what you’re about to read,
And I am endlessly apologetic that
I will be forever too sheepish to find the words to apologize to your face.
I’m sorry that the way you hold me during bad times makes up for the
Five thousand days I had to face relatively alone before I met you,
And I’m sorry that your kiss makes up for the nightmare I put myself in.
If truth be told, I’m sorry I’d get on my knees
And beg you not to leave if I had to.
I’d have words spewing out of my mouth, ears and nose- probably.
That was overly dramatic, maybe, but this is getting relatively important. So, if you haven’t stopped reading at this point, PLEASE continue. Sorry. You don’t have to. That was too demanding- I think.
I’m sorry that I get jealous most days and don’t tell you,
And I’m so sorry that I noticed that the lyrics to your favourite song
Are in her twitter biography
And that sometimes that makes me want to puke.
I have to worry about her reading this now, too. I’m sorry to the both of you; I didn’t actually think this through at all.
I’m sorry that that I’m a lost puppy without you,
And I’m sorry that I took your statement
“Three thousand things is a lot of things to like about someone”
As an excuse to start writing a list.
I’m sorry for not maybe making a big enough effort to make friends with your friends.
I don’t think they like me very much,
And I guess I should apologize for that too.
I promise to try harder.
And I’m sorry that I feel the need to tell you that when you said
“Your heart beats faster when I kiss your back”
I fell in love with you nine times over
(Once per word)
And I’m super, duper sorry that your friends will probably read this.
I just really, really love you
And it’s important you know.
Sorry.
To Her:*
I can truthfully say that I am being entirely honest and that this needs to be said.
At this point, we both know that it is not now-
Nor has it ever been-
Repulsive.
It is okay to whisper things at 3 a.m.
Because I will be awake and I am always listening.
I appreciate you writing things down,
But poking the words through any of my canals might hurt.
I am not sorry for what you are about to read.
I don’t feel as though I will ever have to be apologetic to you about my feelings
Because I love you.
I promise to find words to tell you this every day.
I’m not sorry that every second that I hold you
Makes up for the fifteen years of loneliness before I met you,
And that your kisses make up for every bad decision I have ever made.
Truth be told if you wanted to leave me, I would let you-
Because if you love something let it go.
If it ever loved you it will come back.
I know there is not a universe in which
You would not be in my arms again.
Yeah, maybe that was also pretty dramatic,
But it’s just important to me as it is to you
So I guess it’s okay to do that.
But please, keep reading.
I’m trying my best with this, I really am.
I’m not sorry that I let you into my life,
Because it was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.
I always thought it was weird that another person could be
The source of all my love,
But it’s true.
I’m not sorry that I had to let some people go in order to
Make it possible for us to be together.
I have never felt an ounce of regret.
A song is a song, my dear.
I love you more than anyone on the earth. Ever. You know that.
I think you should keep this to yourself.
If anyone saw it, I wouldn’t want to take back anything I’ve said,
But you should keep it just for you.
Read this when you want to know how much I love you.*
I am not sorry that as a person I have never had a good sense of time
Or direction.
So, we’re really just lost puppies together making our way through life.
If you listen to my favourite song (Wish You Were Here, by the way),
It will mention something about that.
I am not sorry that every morning
Since the day you gave me that list of things you love about me,
I have read one, appreciated it,
And placed the paper gently back on my shelf.
I am not sorry that I appreciate you.
Friends will come and go.
You are who you are.
Don’t change- for me, them, or anyone.
“Your heart beats faster when I kiss your back”.
I am not sorry about telling you that by the time that sentence left my lips
I was completely in love with you.
I have fallen in love with something about you every day
Since the first time I turned around,
Saw you standing there,
And was totally terrified.
I just really love you, and it’s important- you know?
Sorry.