though you didn't think so
I knew what you meant
about not being able to fake
a friendship
or feeling
a complete lack of connection
in most interactions.
and when it isn't real
there is no desire to try
or pretend to enjoy
the company given.

so much less pressure
weathering it alone.

constant company,
to me anyways,
seems to mean insecurity
or a desperate need for attention
especially that of one
impacting on others negatively.

to reach,
or even begin to know,
your full potential
you must give time to yourself
with yourself
for yourself
and yourself alone.

Today at church
we played a name game
and somewhere down the line
I was sitting next to you
For the first time in ten months
wondering if my name
still tastes like honey to you
Or if you even remember
What it felt like
When it rolled off your tongue
Because I still taste yours
Vibrating on my lips
And I still feel
your vanilla kisses
across my chest

dating a writer
is like guessing the weather.
you think you know what you'll get,
but you never do.

you never know
because

she'll create a hero
from your weaknesses

and she'll write a great character,
from every last flaw.

she'll create a thousand plots  
from your worst nightmares.

she'll take every last thing you hate
and create something you'll love.

she'll turn your anger
into confessions of adoration,

and she'll make you,
everything you're not.

but worst of all,
she'll leave you wondering-
is it you she's in love with,
or things she's created from you?

but here's the beauty of it:

if you date a writer,
you'll never die.

i want to brush your hair in bed
i want to kiss your ears until you fall asleep in my arms
i want to make plans to conquer the world with you
i want to get lost in the immense galaxy behind your eyes

i want your toes to be buried
in the small of my back on cold mornings

i want your mouth to be the one that nibbles
my fingers when we're holding hands in public

i want to lounge with you on top of me
inside a sunbeam and read the same book together

i want you to give me those torturous
hold me down crying tickles i claim to hate

i want your thighs to jiggle when you
sing and dance in the hallway

i want you to know that i'll die without your
quick good-morning bad breath kiss

i want to tumble and tell secrets with you
on fresh warm sheets

i want to be the wall you throw your
anger at after a long frustrating day

i want to flail with you
against every imaginable current

i want to listen to your heartbeat
with the soft pink stethoscope of my lips

i want it to be your fingernails that leave
my back red striped and scarred for days

i want to be the pillow made of flesh you scream
and fall into with exhausted tears on your cheeks
when the world turns its back on you

i want to hear the music your belly and throat make
when you laugh in the kitchen and it echoes
through the house late on a quiet night

i want to be the one that calls you back
immediately after you hang up on me because
we're just not communicating right

i want you to hold me like an alcoholic
grips a bottle and rock me in the dark while
i drown my pain on the swell of your chest

i want to be your siamese twin connected
at the earlobes creating cloud animals in
a soft green velvet summer field

i want to own the shirt you wear on sunday mornings

but more than anything
i want to be beside you
when you climb that
******* mountain

I feel like a foreigner
standing on a pier
waiting for word from a lover
across the blue water of tears.