my eyes hurt because i'm tired
and i know this is a bad idea,
staring at a screen before much needed sleep,
leaving the required reading for the morning
but can the morning blame me?
I think of mountains and him at the same time
part of me says because it's all been progression, it's a feat to fall in love, and it makes me want to climb to the ******* top
and then the other part of me says i think of mountains and him because I'd climb onto his **** with the same motivating force it would take to climb a mountain.
Regardless
picturing mountains
makes me think of this boy with the ******* sky in his eyes.
(but honestly what's up with me and ****** love poems?)
looking out my window gives me different reactions as well -
climbing down the stairs for fresh air
or jumping out
but in the end
just feeling like climbing into bed

i long for you now like i once longed for the man who ***** me for a year and a half.
i know this feeling.
even if it's a little different.
you disgust me for other reasons.

but for the comfort of your familiar chest,
arms,
lips,
bed
for the security of your car, your smell, your stupid laugh
for all the familiarity and odd feelings that we kindled in my summer-time driveway in the middle of the night...
i would beg.

Cancer no more a
battle than life; work, eat, sleep,
wake.  Another day.

walk over jagged
unrocks of sidewalk
sinewed hand of
shattered being
in suited business
grasping 
gaspingly
at precipice of curb
desperate
for purchase
leverage back
into living
slithering slowly
d o 
      w
          n
into survival
noone sees
the agony
crawling upright
on both
patent leather
feet

I think Vincent Van Gogh sliced off his ear to drown out the noise.
Life is so **** loud all the time with its crashing and banging
And sounds of screeching halts in action.
Keyboard clicks and the voices of Charlie Browns teachers.
I feel lost in this soundscape and not in a good way.
Tires and church bells the sounds of the drooling mob drive me mad.
I can't hear myself think anymore,
My soliloquy swallowed by the utterances of curses and cries of crows.
If the world would silence itself for just a moment,
I could sigh in relief.