It hurt so much when you said I should hate you.
Cuz that's the problem, I still care so much about you.
You're an idiot, you're selfish,
You say I'm stupid but you're the one who's foolish.
You said you were terrified-
That things would change, that you'd hurt me.
Well now you can't look me in the eyes,
Ever since you said we weren't something that's lasting.
I asked what I did, what made you so unhappy?
You used the old cliché "Babe, it's not you, it's surely just me."

It's one in the morning.
And I am not sleeping.
While everyone else is cozy and dreaming-
I am tossing and turning.
Fuming and yearning.
For your touch,
For your taste,
To hold your hand,
Look at your face.
I should go to bed,
I should get you out of my head.
But I can't.
Because it's 1:30,
And you still haven't spoken to me,
Not in weeks.
Just to be clear,
I want this to be the last thing I ever write about the first man I held so dear.
I want to not think about you anymore,
I'll move on with my life and you'll move on with yours.

Mirrors telling lies    makeup
         Painting illusions,
                   Stains
                      On
                     Lips
Making caricatures from my face, a
Character in its place, playing
Narcissist    every    day.
If I love me they will come,
If I love me they will stay.
This part masks insecurity,
If I say I love me, won't they?

I wish that I was a better artist so I could draw the evil images behind my eyelids.
I wish I could see why I've been denied happiness.
I wish I wasn't so plain.
I wish I were a better poet,
so I could write my pain.
And spin something beautiful from it.
I wish I believed in wishing,
I wish I'd found hope in something-
Anything.
But most of all, I wish you would see that I'm trying.

Her peers would've pronounced her
"Fat, stupid, ugly.
Useless, annoying, crazy."
Her parents would claim she was
"Immature, lazy, and meek.
Troubled, moping, and weak."
Her ex would say she seemed
"Desperate, lonely, and sad." He'd say that since he dumped her she'd gone half mad.
Her friends may've told you she was
"Broken, scared, depressed-" well I think you could guess at the rest.
Her therapist said she wasn't doing very well.
Then the doctors sighed there was no more they could do to help.
Her angel said she came too soon to his loving arms, but know that now she is safe far from all harm.

Every word out my mouth is a cry for help.
"Oh someone please save me from this hell!"
Or at least bring me a ladder so I'll be able to break free of this mental cell.
When it's too late, I know what they'll say.
I know what they'll say because I hear the like every single day.
"Maybe she did cry out but I didn't hear her,"
You didn't see the words written on my mirror?
"I guess didn't see that the warning signs were all there."
Maybe that's because you didn't care.
No one hears over the façade my fake smile and mirthless laugh blare.
If you just bothered to look a little closer or pay attention you'd see.
You'd see that I'm dead inside and that's not even something I'm trying all that hard to hide.
Can you really not see I'm unhappy?
Did you believe I was joking when I said I wished to die?
Did I really do so well in covering up the million cuts on my thigh?
Every night did you not hear me cry?
I told you but you chose not to listen.
So don't act like you didn't know I was broken.

I dreamt of monsters with eyes like two open wounds.
They had long bone-white claws meant for wreaking havoc and doom.
They came in hoards-
Creeping right toward my door.
But I did not fear them.
Because as I turned I knew I was a beast far worse than any of my demons.