I.
I sat in bed
With my monsters
Conversing about
Their favourite
Taunts in my head.
We play at the
Bottom of a lake
Making lists of
All the ways I'm
Going to drown.

I had a dream last night,
You were there but without a face like usual.
We stood atop a cliff,
I stood too close to the edge like usual.
I recall a deafening silence bouncing off the waves.
You couldn't hear them bash against the rocks.
I turned my back upon the sun,
Setting deep into its routine slumber.
I faced your faceless face and I spoke softly,
Loud enough to break apart the silence;
Like great claps of thunder,
'Tell Mum I fell'.
You didn't flinch when
I stepped backwards;
2 steps too far.

Oh god...
                            You make me want
                                 To die.
             I want to destroy the world around me
             And find comfort in the pain.
             I need you to rip my lungs out
             And give me hell.
             I'm getting bad again,
             Yet all I can think about is
             Keeping your head above water.
             I yearn for the burn of a
             Rusty blade making
             Metallic love to my cursed skin.

I.
You seem so... pertrified
Quivering in familiar surroundings.
Spinning; you fall unaware
Of your lungs collapsing.
I hear the bells chime...
I know it's the end.

II.
This was never your fault.

III.
Sitting stagnant deep
Within the volcano's heart,
Keeping a sacred soul rhythm,
Clutching starving hands;
My breath strangling their lungs.
As I erupt
I wonder how many
Souls I break
With the tree roots I rip from underneath them.
I wonder how much suffering
Triggers a beautiful
R E B I R T H.

IV.
I don't have a pulse.

V.
A silence sits inside my pressurized skull,
So loud and so deafening that the monsters
Dwelling in my ears cannot hear the world scream.

VI.
I mourn the death of things
Before they are lost.
I've built gravestones for relationships
Prior to them having the slightest itch to melt away.
Rigor Mortis settles into my heart
I sit frozen and stiffened
Waiting for a world around me to deteriorate.
I anticipate the last breath to escape our lungs
With a whisper of "goodbye".

VII.
I have pulled myself apart to put you back together.

I.
Potent; iridescent and
Dripping.
Muffled like the white noise
Of a radio warning broadcast,
On repeat...
30 years after nuclear WAR.

II.
So beautiful;
Other worldly and distorted.
I am fascinated;
Drawn to you as if
A moth to a flame.

III.
This is merely a reflection.
Swinging back and forth,
Hypnotic.
I am coming undone
Dragging my chained brain around.

IV.
How dusty, how dark,
How disheartening?
Like concrete shoes,
My brain sinks
In a vast and vicious
NOTHINGNESS.

I.
You are my shipwreck,
I am your siren,
It's an uneasy game I play
Dragging you down to the depths...
Dragging you down to your death.

II.
I always get lost
Looking for something to open my eyes;
I've never really been awake.

III.
Swearing to hurt anyone
Who
Tries to **** me...
Do those same rules apply
When I try to **** myself
In your ******* black hole eyes.

IV.
The galaxy has been filling me
For years and you find
Beauty in my stone cold shell encasing.

V.
Maybe we should wait and see.

VI.
"Give me time."

VII.
I hope your favourite sound
Is the dah-dum
Of my heart beat drum...

VIII.
I love you.