Dear mum
im sorry im not the perfect daughter
and that i have so many flaws
and insecurities
im sorry im such a *****
and am always moody
im sorry that im nothing like
my big sister and i never will be
im sorry i dont live up to
what you wanted me to be
the young beautiful
little happy girl
you once knew.

Dear Dad
im sorry that you gto stuck with me
you know when you
and mum broke up
im sorry you had to raise a teenage
daughter on your own
putting up with my
mood swings and my
horrid attitude
all my crying and depression
im sorry for all the arguing
and fighting

in conclusion im sorry for not being the perfect
daughter one that you can
smile about and point out to your friends and
say thats my baby girl
im sorry im just a failure in so many ways
im sorry ill be out of your
hair soon enough

Maddii xo

Dear Faith,
i just wanted to say i love you
and i hope you get better.

i have so many questions i want to ask you
like why?
why didn't you tell me?
let me know you were feeling like this?
i wish i could of helped you, and it didn't have
to end up like this.

i love you more then anything
you mean the world to me, you are my best friend
my rock, my saviour.
but im sorry you were feeling the way you were,
but please things will get better i promise you!
im always here for you and that
will never change i promise you! and thats one promise i defiantly
know i wont break

for all those times you said you were a bad mum,
you arent
for all the times you said you were ugly
baby you are beautiful

i need to finish this but im crying
i just want you to know how much you mean to me
and how much it would destroy me if you
were to leave...

and how about Caden? your beautiful
baby boy! how would he feel not growing up without his mum?
knowing how beautiful she is
how amazing and kind she is...
Because no one can compare to you
Aunty Maddii cant live up to those expectations

so Faith, my darling i love you so much,
we can get through this together!
i promise i will save up all the money in the world
to come and see you one day, and it will just be the three
of us
You, Caden and Aunty Maddii


I love you Faith x

What it i was the perfect girl,
the one with the straight blonde
hair and the perfect smile,
the skinny hourglass figure,
pretty face, perfect skin.

what if?
would you love
me if i looked like
her!

im fading slowly
into the backround
of nothingless

no one will notice
untill its too late

they wont care untill
its been broadcasted
across the news

with the headline
local girl takes own life

i've imagined my death
a million times.

suicide,
drowning,
jumping,
bleeding,
walking in front
of a train,
tying a rope around
my neck,
taking pills.

but  i dont know
what one to choose
how to leave
when to go
where to do it.

these are all questions
i beg the
answer too
but when i leave
it wont be a surprise
you will all see
it coming
and if you dont
well sorry to say

its too late to
save me now.

The thought
the thought of you dragging
a blade across your
wrist
it kills me.
The thought
the thought of you
taking your last breath
tears me apart.

you are too young and
beautiful to leave this world
you are too loved
to even think to leave

you remind me of the song
by lana del ray
the one that goes..
"will you still love me when
im no longer young and beautiful?"
yes yes i will

you tell me i am your big sister and
you look up to me
and not to cry because i am
too beauttiful,
now its my turn.

you are beautiful
you are loved. so please
wipe the tear off you
cheek, put the blade
down and come here
i love you
just remember the promises
we made eachother
that one day
we will be able to hold eachother
in our arms and
i can tell you how much
i love you.

because words dont
describe it enough, words cant
express the feelings
going through my body
i love you. x

Dear God, i know
ive never asked for help before..
but this time
this time i need it!

im Scared
and Worried
i dont think i can
hold on much longer.

Dear God!
im sorry.

Conor Blatchford
17 hours ago


Maddii... where you at? <3 if you want me to explain what there is to love about yourself, here I go:
1: You are a mother-******* poet. That's cool. Making words rhyme is hard for a lot of people. Expressing emotion in those words is even harder
2: Caring. You keep talking to me, that's casual caring. You ask me how I am, that's caring. You are willing to listen to me, metaphorically listen to me because this is typed, so... and that's true caring right there
3: Friendship. You are one of a select few that consistently makes me smile. Also, you listen to me ***** about my life
4: Loyalty. You're still here, right...? <3
5: Humour. Ties in with friendship. You not only make me smile, but also laugh. I laughed in class once. Especially just earlier, when I read what you did to that kids' nose. I imagined the pause between him laughing and having his nose broken, it was so comical I laughed out loud. Everyone thought I was insane.
6: Inspiration. Some of my poems wouldn't have even been written were it not for you
7: "Sneaky". Manipulating me into giving you ideas. Why? Because I love you (reference to earlier conversation) <3
8: You are one of the few reasons I take pleasure in waking up each day. I have people constantly saying **** about me, knowing I have a short fuse and taking advantage of it, but not you. Also, I look forward to talking to you. First thing I do when I open my laptop is send you a message

I would keep going, but this is long enough. Oh, and I feel guilty. I'm not sure I said happy birthday on your 17th. But Happy Late Birthday from me. Once again, I apologise, I felt/feel so bad

Love you Maddii. Stay safe. <3

If I were to run, where would I go?
Who would I see?

Would I be safe and sound?
Or in danger risking my life?

Would I still be me?
Or would I create a new identity?

Would I still love you?
Or would you not exist?

Would I still have these scars?
Or would fresh ones appear?

Who would I be?
Where would I go?

you cant keep shutting me out,
especially when your causing
pain to yourself.
it tears me to shreads, knowing
one day you may never wake
from the ongoing nightmare
you call life.
but i want to help you,
i need to help you because
we can all make it through
our nightmare.

my wrists feeling tight and also ripped apart
they've been strapped down,
my legs hurt
they've been amputated at the knee,
I try to scream
but my lips have been sewn shut,
what did I do to end up like this?
tortured.
in pain and all alone..

Define Beautiful?

The Therapist told me, i wouldnt
make it past my 18th...
i wanted to prove her wrong.
tomorrows my 17th...
but i dont even know if id make it
past that!
maybe she was right. people like
her are always right.

i found the devil
i found him in a lover

Its been a while since ive picked up a pen and paper
but been even longer since i picked up a blade

ive come to live with my insecurities
my imperfections
my mistakes

i dont need makeup to be beautiful
i dont need to starve myself to be happy
i dont need to loose weight to be skinny

im me for a reason
i have scars for a reason
i have differences for a reason

it may have taken me a while to figure this out
but everything takes time...