HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me!!! i made it..

why should i continue my
sentence
if you are the one who keeps
erasing the good parts?

call me?
when...
when my blood turns
into alcohol

baby your drunk
and darling your beautiful.

I guess im pretty
I guess im skinny
I guess im loved.

I guess im not stupid
I guess im not dumb
I guess im not an idiot

I guess I should live
I guess I should stay here
I guess I should grow up

I guess I am worth it
I guess I should be happy
I guess I should love myself

I guess
I guess
I guess

its late and i know
you probably
wont get this untill
the morning.

but i have to tell you
ive always
wanted to tell you

how i felt
to have you
next to me in my bed
holding me tight
pressed close to my
body

but i didnt know how
but i felt
light having you
there
holding me
touching me
kissing me

but now thats all gone
but i wish it
wasnt
because i dont just
miss you
i miss your touch

did you miss me all those days?
the ones where I didn't message you
call you, talk to you?

did you miss me when I went away?
just left not saying goodbye
for weeks, or even months on end?

NO!

so I don't get it.
I don't get you, why do you miss me now?
now im lying on my death bed.
from taking my own life
you never once said you missed me

but theres the thing, and I want an ******* answer.
did you?

you know the saying,
you have to crawl before you can walk?
is that the same with
you have to cry before you can scream?

I hate my body.
i hate my life.
i hate myself.
Ive got blades, now what?
What do you mean now what?
what are you going to do?
mutilate yourself.. again?
why?
why do you keep doing this to yourself?
Now listen ok?
and keep reading
thats all i ask
you, you as an individual
you are beautiful, handsome
yes you may not see it
but many other people do trust me
i know i may not know you
not personally
but i may know you well enough to know
how much of an amazing
caring person you are
you have your little quirks
your little jokes that not many
other people will understand
you have your close group of
friends who will do anything
to see you smile
you have your family members
that im sure adore you
you have made it this far
in the journey we call
life, yes it may be hard at
times but thats the point you dont
become who you are without a
few ups and downs along the way
like i said at the start
i may not personally know
you, i may not have even spoken to you
but trust me
you are beautiful, handsome
loved by many including me.
so please i beg you
please just put the blade down
better yet throw the blade
away. i dont want you to be going
through unnecessary pain
I LOVE YOU
just remember that. thank you
for reading this all the way though
i just hope it will help someone
Please repost to get the message out there
im only a message or an email away.

Your lips look so sweet... I just want to taste them.
Your skin so soft... I just want to feel it.
Your voice so beautiful... I just want to hear it.

The temptation of it all, the blood rush to my head when I think of you
!

Finally I don't have to wait much longer, cause you are mine.
You will be mine.
Tonight !

As I plunge the dagger into your chest, I forgot I wanted to taste your blood .. Oh the temptation was too much

But I can now taste your lips.
Feel your skin.
Replay the your last words in my head.
But most of all I can have you all to myself ...

Curiosity killed the cat they say, but temptation got you killed.

you take my breath away
now i question
whether you are taking
it away to suffocate
me or for fun.
you leave marks on my
skin, that i thought
meant you loved me
but they are becoming
regular, bruises, scratches
bite marks.
now im lying here
semi conscious and fully
exposed thinking to
myself was this really
love or was this torture?

I miss you in winter
when its cold
and I have no one to cuddle

I miss you in storms
when you kiss my forehead
as the thunder crashes

I miss you in my bed
our bodies together
lips locked and hands intertwined

I miss you.

i ...

f  
  e
l
    l

and you didnt care.

i ...

   c
r
i
     e
   d

and you didnt help me.

i ...

j
u
   m
p
        e
d

then you cared.

i scream
i cry
i hate myself

i yell
i scream
i tear at my skin

okay i get it,
you will never love me
cause no im
not her

im not pretty
or funny
or skinny

so this is why
i yell
and scream
and hate myself

because i know
ill never be her
and you will never love me

but i was hoping
just once to hear those
words
but what the **** was i
thinking

im sorry

i know its been a while
since ive been here
crying
sooking
pouring my heart out
to a bunch or strangers

i know most of us will never
meet
and some days that
tears me apart

but just a casual update
i am fine
and by fine i mean
fine like i dont know
anymore

but im still here
and wont be going anywhere
anytime soon

thats a promise!

when the lights go out. its just me and you.

lips locked together
hands exploring bodies

moans
gasps
screams

your everything that for fills my addiction
my craving
your my cure.

your my daily dosage of ***, love and drugs in one

bite marks, scratch marks, hickeys and bruises...

just the taste of your skin in my teeth
your body on mine
our hands intertwined

saliva wasn't the only thing getting swapped that night
and its driving me.....

WiLd

i chocked when
i found the test...

it was laying on your
bed, next to your
now lifeless body...

you didnt just end your
life, you ended
our unborn childs...

im sorry baby i
really am, i couldnt
help you sooner...

but i promise you,
ill see you soon
i love you...

what is love. the true feeling, meaning of love? why do we feel it? when do we really know that we are in love.
why does it hurt, why does it end,when does it start. why does it happen?
how do we know? does it only ever happen once, how do we know who is the one?
define love, define the feeling, define the struggle. who feels it?
does everyone fall in love? do we all get our heart broken, when do we know to end it.
why do we only fall for certain people. what if they dont make us happy, why do we pursue a relationship with then, why do we only want them, need the, think about them.
why do we only think we need them to make us happy. why?

she's one of those typical good girls,
straight uniform,
neat hair,
respectable makeup,
perfect smile,
straight A student,

then you have a look at me..

miss matched uniform,
messy buns,
average makeup,
crooked smile,
straight D student,

I was once that straight A student
but you know ...
**** happens !

i must confess,
your name was on the blade
before it was
plunged deep into my chest
you know why?
i wanted them to all know you killed me

Lies are the scars
you produce on your
skin.

People say, "diamonds are
a girls best friend"
but in my case
"death is my best friend"

Well what do you want me to say
you tell me all these
things and expect me to drop
******* everything to
come running to your doorstep...

no!

remember how you left
me?
why you left me..
it wasnt right you left me at the
time i needed you most

and i dont think ill ever
be able to forgive you.

take a selfie
to show the true me
no make up messy hair
baggy T's

but no this is the way you see me

take a selfie
add some ****
with my hair in my face
and over done makeup

to me i see myself as "perfect"
and everyone will love me..
yet night after night
i tear at my skin and cry myself
to sleep..

but you will never know the real me!
you judged me before you could
find out,
so *******
and your judgemental
******* thing you call your personality!

im so ******* done, with you
your **** and my life...

so dont act sad when i dont
come to school,
dont act sad when you find
out i passsed.
because honey you dont really care!

Im nothing
im ugly
im worthless
im stupid
im horrid
im a burden

so why ?
why bother with me
why try with me
why tell me you love me?

cause i know everything you say is
a lie.
a ******* lie.

Who wants to play a game of never have I ever ?

Rules, I'll say something and if you have never done it .. Lower a finger !

Let's start !

Never have I ever cried myself to sleep ?
Whoops there goes one
Never have I ever self harmed ?
Whoops there's number two
Never have I ever starved myself ?
Whoops number three, I'm good at this !

Oh I forgot to tell you the looser dies :)

Never have I ever used the words "I'm fine" ?
Fourth finger down !
Last question ...
Never have I ever fallen in love ?

Closed fist I won, time to say goodbye, it's okay don't be sad ! I've
Been waning to go for a long time ...

Thanks for playing my game :)