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Maddii Lloyd Aug 2016
i thought you were ugly.
then i met Society
Maddii Lloyd Aug 2016
we all have our demons.
dont we?
some of us let them win
others ignore them
pretend they arent there.

but im the one who lets my
demons show,
through my imperfections
the cracks
the scars and cuts
left on my body
it was because of them they
told me to do it,
they said it would make me feel
better and they were right.

but the ones who dont
show them?
how do they cope at night?
pen on paper
rope in hand
getting ready to take their
final breath
but the thing is they never do
they put up with them
and fight

my demons are starting
to  get quiet
i cant hear them as much as
i could before.
are they hiding from me or have they
left me?
but now im thinking again
i have pen on paper
rope in hand
ready to take my last breath

they didnt leave they
were hiding.
one game of hide and seek
that i didnt win.
Maddii Lloyd Aug 2016
me too, but literally like all of a sudden out of nowhere all this emotion has hit me like
1- im not skinny enough for society
2- my curves arent curves
3- makeup doesn't do **** all to hide my imperfections
4- i cry every time i look at myself in the mirror
5- ill never be the definition of pretty
im over trying and failing each time reality has finally hit me im never going to be the person i desire to be
and its heart breaking. because i dont want to be who i am
i want to be someone else, i dont want the scars on my thighs and arms
i dont want the stretch makes on my hips and legs
i dont want to have anything else that defines me as me
but unfortunately i cant change that and im stuck with the body i ruined,  i created. theres no going back from here.

Sorry
Maddii Lloyd Aug 2016
As we lay together
naked, on the bed
my fingers tracing,
exploring every
inch of your body.

whilst im thinking to
myself who else has had
the privilege to explore
too?
Maddii Lloyd Aug 2016
Since you've been gone
its been hard
i cant sleep
eat
my dreams are
turning into nightmares
and my nightmares
are turning into
reality
I left you because I couldn't stand the thought of watching you be the one to walk away.
I broke up with you because even though it hurt walking away. I feel better knowing you weren't the one to say the words.
Maddii Lloyd Aug 2016
worthless.
stupid.
nothing.
useless.
pathetic.
pointless.
fat.
de­pressed.
ugly.
Me.

pretty.
funny.
loved.
skinny.
worth it.
amazing.
useful.
nice.
beautiful.
Her.

now do you see why
see why i want to be like her?
want to be skinny, to be pretty
to even be loved?
to know what it feels like to have
skin against skin.
So please just let me
i dont want to be here anymore
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