Perhaps I'm just mad,
Not at you, but rather
Myself.

Wondering why I stopped searching
Even though I knew you were like
A lost star in the galaxy,
Waiting to be found:
Glowing, glowing,
But slowly dying.

I searched, I did.
But I'm not as gifted in astronomy as you are.
I'm always a tad bit too late and

The stars are already dead.

Forgive me for the only language I ever speak in is
My tears.
The warm streams of
Half anger, half sadness,
Half anxiety — Oh goodness,
I've lost count.

I don't know.
I'm just lost again.
But this time they aren't here to help me.

And I'm really
Still

Alone.

At least let me be
the girl who doodles on her arm
because she's scared to get a real tattoo,
and the girl whose freckles bloom
like little daisies on her cheeks
to match her middle name,
the girl who leans out the window of the car,
to feel the wind kiss her face, her soul,
and the girl who sneaks out early
to write poetry in a French town,
who wears silver rings, not gold,
and sometimes laughs too much,
or too little, because,
this is also the girl
who breaks her own heart too often
because she believes that it's better
to regret what you've said
than what you haven't,
let me be her, because,
without her, I only exist.

Infinite sensations on an endless path, the greatest feeling I wanted to last.
The deepest passion, in the darkest of ways, I brought her to her threshold of pain.
An overwhelming intensity like the deepest ocean so vast, often over far too fast.
Being inside her, feeling her light, embracing her until the start of my refrain.
As we reach the zenith, that moment in time, where she begins to realize, her pleasure is mine.
So while assumptions of two ships on their individual courses, caring little to please the other,
Is actually his inner desire, devoted entirely to her inner delight for as long as she designs.
But as stars disappear and light forces dark to find cover, I realizes I am not yet her lover.
I search for a meaning, a reason, or a sign, that will give me a clue as to the reason for this fate,
Although we merely spent a cycle of the moon, your beauty yet controls me, and makes of me the fool.
But the sun is always shining, greeting your face, as you turn away waving at a quickening rate.
And in the cool of the morning, and like in an out matched duel, she leaves behind the jewel.
   Nevertheless, in the wisest judgment, one can hardly blame her for her barbarous display,
   For she kept the secret, a pivotal point to say, she had another lover, I was merely for the day.

These routines are seeming endless. the fences round my mind are slowly growing ever-more defenseless. Where these thoughts are boldly mentioned I feel lost of all intention. An abundant sea of words and verbs to satisfy my senses. Where feelings return from the grave and reach for peaceful vengeance.


Through these written cryptic lines, i hope you seek to glean a meaning that revives a thought you thought benign, or an emotion you had lost and forgotten you could find. Compassion does elude us, and inaction makes delusions till we’re rejecting whats been proven, in a life rejecting movement.