My ugly came
when the struggles leaked out
and turned white skin
to a canvas of punished pink lines
It came with the baby, too soon too abruptly
but when baby came out
it only went deeper
My ugly came
when the city showed us that not all who walk near
have pretty intentions
It came in a bottle, labeled and dated
in each tiny pill I pushed down my throat
My ugly came
after all the love left, as if it were the only one
to come back
After my ugly came
with the world and its harshness
it showed me
such beautiful sights

For years I begged
universe and god:
Happiness.

I forgot its warm embrace
the want to get out from under the bed
the courage to put bottles down

Today I beg
myself:
Acknowledgment.

I ignore the cold world
that held me so tight
the way it taught me to be

she has scars
like stars

too many to count
but enough to tell stories of the past

When we were young
you held me up
so high
I couldn't see the ground

But I had been buried
so long
it scared me
to be close
to the sun

she has pages on the floor and stains on her hands
she's forever with tears on her cheeks

she has knives in the drawer and holes in her walls
she's the girl that no one will keep

you are a full moon
and I am the sea
I thrash and I burst
when you're close to me

we walk around with lips pulled tight
because we are living in darker light
we press our bodies, dying and thin
into fear and sadness, let it come in