Lyle: Poems

2.3k · Apr 23

gone

Lyle Apr 23

gone

What
if
I
was
just

Gone?

1.4k · Mar 14

...

Lyle Mar 14

...

shut your MOUTH
and let me speak
because when you SPEAK
I can't think
When you THINK
you don't filter
and when you don't FILTER
your words hurt
and when you HURT
you don't care
when you don't CARE
I want to die.

1.3k · Apr 3

footsteps

Lyle Apr 3

footsteps

some people's footsteps are loud
they want everyone to know that they have entered
or perhaps they have no reason to hide
They strike the ground first with their heel
you can always hear them approach

but mine?
my footsteps are silent
I glide across without a sound
no one needs to know that I am here
I have reason to hide
I tread first with the pads of my feet
you will never hear me approach

705 · Apr 21

Lies

Lyle Apr 21

Lies

Lies, deceit
truth stowed away
kept behind clenched teeth
and locked lips
all the while the lies spill
unbound, from desperate mouths
oozing out like honey dripping from
a liar's tongue
Lies, deceit

697 · Mar 30

natural disaster

Lyle Mar 30

natural disaster

you rip apart the seams of this family
you are a hurricane and we are the destruction in your wake
you are a wildfire and we are burned
you are an earthquake but you aren't the one rattled
you have caused mass destruction and singed everyone you touched
you hate us
you natural disaster

481 · May 2

presence

Lyle May 2

presence

dipping your finger into
a pool
stirring up memories
good and bad
with nothing but your finger and your presence

470 · Apr 14

___

Lyle Apr 14

___

I Hate You.

There, I said it.

451 · 5d

doing okay

Lyle 5d

doing okay

I think it's safe to say
that right now I'm doing okay
I don't feel sad
I'm not even mad
I'm not yet happy
but then again, I don't think I ever will be
I just think that right now I can truly say
I'm just doing okay.

414 · Mar 25

Tell me

Lyle Mar 25

Tell me

tell me what you see
when you look at me
of course you see the same thing
the same thing I see

of course you see the same
ugliness and darkness
of course you notice
the emptiness and worthlessness

of course you see the same
because there's no prettiness
no worth, no light, no fulfillment
Tell me how you notice the things you say you do!

377 · Feb 25

cycle

Lyle Feb 25

cycle

i'm scared that when I have kids
i'll parent just like her
or her
drugs and abandonment on one end
abuse and manipulation on the other
I don't know how to end the cycle
when I see myself in the reflection of both of their eyes

#drugs #abuse #abandonment #fostercare

348 · Mar 3

help

Lyle Mar 3

help

Please
I beg of you
Please don't leave me behind
Please
I need you
Don't leave me here
Wait!
Don't walk away!
You're leaving me behind!
Wait!
Look back!
You're leaving me here!
Help
I'm begging you
Don't leave me behind!
Help
I need you
Please don't leave me here.

243 · May 6

yellow

Lyle May 6

yellow

a yellow summer is coming
yellow tipped sun kissed clouds
drift just above a pasture of yellow waving flowers
summer is coming, you can smell it
in the warm air, still misty with rain
rain that dampened silky yellow strands of hair
and a gentle breeze gives hope
that maybe it will offer relief from the sticky yellow sun
a yellow summer is coming

226 · Feb 25

just once

Lyle Feb 25

just once

just once
I want to be called beautiful
I wont believe you anyways
but i'll want to
just once I want you to tell me i'm worth it
I won't trust you
but i'll try
just once I want you to see me
i'll pretend you weren't looking at me
but i'll know
just once I want to be told i'm perfect
flaws included
but I won't believe you

216 · Mar 6

Makeup

Lyle Mar 6

Makeup

You screamed this morning
Now my makeup is running
Look. You ruined me.

197 · Feb 25

why does everyone always leave?

Lyle Feb 25

why does everyone always leave?

the people i'm closest to
never seem to stay
they always have to go away
and leave me behind
crying

183 · Mar 27

peace

Lyle Mar 27

peace

fingertips
trailing through the clear crystalline water
feet
squishing through the lush grass
face
turned up towards the warm heat of the sun
lungs
inhaling the sweet, clean air
hair
blowing in the gentle cooling breeze
ears
listening to the wonderful serene sounds
heart
at peace at last

179 · Mar 9

mood

Lyle Mar 9

mood

If you are feeling blue
Then I must too
When your anger sizzles through
Mine must bubble up inside me too
When you are tired and don't want to move
I guess that's what I will do too
And if you are smiling for all to see
Finally
I am allowed to be happy

179 · Feb 25

I needed you to save me

Lyle Feb 25

I needed you to save me

We were sitting in the park
I was six, my brother seven
I love you, she told us
Our once-a-monthly visit
That she missed more then she made
I'm working hard to get you back
I'm trying to stay clean
So you can come and live with me
I never told her what I really felt
So here are those words now
I needed you to save me
I needed you to want me
But I guess the drugs were a stronger force
Then the love you should have felt for your kids
Now I live in hell
And I swear its all your fault

#fostercare #drugs #abuse #adoption

175 · Feb 25

could be worse

Lyle Feb 25

could be worse

I think of everything I go through daily
the hitting, the screaming
the narcissism, the manipulation
the abuse
and I think
Could be worse
so I end up being grateful that at least
I got food to eat and somewhere to sleep
a school to go to and siblings that care
I look at the bigger picture
instead of allowing myself to feel like a victim
because that mindset will get me nowhere
so I cope in silence and just be thankful
because it could be worse

168 · Apr 5

chalk drawings

Lyle Apr 5

chalk drawings

a day so many years ago
drawing with sidewalk chalk
chalk pieces left on the driveway
rain
began to fall
drawings began to blur and fade
chalk pieces dissolving
into sticky puddles
of neon orange, pink
purple and blue
swirling together
makes me remember
that there was a day
when I stopped going back out
with a piece of chalk in hand
to leave drawings for the rain to distort

168 · Feb 26

three L's

Lyle Feb 26

three L's

just another quick write
before I sign off for the night
today I laughed
I loved
I learned
So I feel like that made it a great day
dontcha think?

165 · Apr 27

hand in hand

Lyle Apr 27

hand in hand

Life takes too much energy
Exhausted
all
the
time
Sick of it all
It's not the first time struck by an episode
Life is going average
Ok-ish
pretty boring
but
routine
is
key

O
C
D

Yes, life could be better
but we'll get through it
I know we'll get through it
because you told me we will
so we shall
hand
in
hand
Together

another poem for Poet

160 · Feb 28

picture perfect

Lyle Feb 28

picture perfect

The perfect family
Smile for the public
No one knows what's beneath the laughter and jokes
No one suspects that they are anything less than
The perfect family
Picture perfect house
Picture perfect appearance
Won’t someone look a little deeper
Look past the expensive things
Look at the expressions
Can’t you tell
That this isn’t a perfect family?

155 · Mar 21

know

Lyle Mar 21

know

when I smile,
know that it is
forced
when I laugh
know that it is
fake
when I cry
know that it is
overdue
when I scream
know that it is
powerless
when I die
know that it was
wanted

155 · Apr 30

heart drop

Lyle Apr 30

heart drop

my heart dropped
only for an iron fist to grip it in panic
it started racing hard
I got uncomfortable, wanted to leave
tried to avoid you
tried to be positive despite the anxiety
but my heart dropped
all because I saw you
you don't drive the black truck with the silver accents anymore
or I would have known you'd be there
you
winked
at
me
and my heart dropped

152 · Feb 27

chain

Lyle Feb 27

chain

your words are the chain
that I will drag as a ghost
every word
a new link
clink
clink
clink
by the time you are done
my chain's a mile long
and your fist
is the shackle 'round my ankle
and your heart
bruised and beaten and battered
is the ball at the end of the chain
'till I
clatter
clatter
clatter
anytime I move

147 · May 1

dread

Lyle May 1

dread

dread
weighs
heavy
as
anxiety
grabs
hold
and
slowly
kills me

143 · Apr 22

write

Lyle Apr 22

write

Pen to paper
Write
I can't
Fingers to keyboard
Write
I can't
Thoughts in mind
Write
I can't

143 · Feb 26

I won't cry

Lyle Feb 26

I won't cry

Blacked my eye
but I won't cry
Screamed in my face
but I won't cry
Called me names
but I won't cry
I won't
I repeat
I refuse
To shed another tear for you

142 · Mar 22

I will!

Lyle Mar 22

I will!

scream at me
and I will hate myself
manipulate me
and I will do the same
beat me
and I will cause my own scars
just speak to me
and I will listen and learn
all this extra is unnecessary.

138 · Feb 25

just a girl

Lyle Feb 25

just a girl

just a girl with some demons
but they don't define her
Because sometimes she skips instead of walks
sometimes she laughs for no reason
sometimes she tells stupid jokes
sometimes she loves so hard it hurts
sometimes she purposely avoids her reflection
sometimes she sings at the top of her lungs
and she loves her brothers and sisters and friends
and sometimes she cries herself to sleep
and sometimes she complains about nothing
and she writes bad poetry
and she spends hours inside a book
and sometimes she questions everything
but she's just a girl

132 · Mar 14

Untitled

Lyle Mar 14

Untitled

how come I'm forced to be happy when you are its not fair its not what I want to be I just want to scream!

spiralingg basically I'm not doing okay

132 · Apr 9

what you do

Lyle Apr 9

what you do

You rule with an evil golden scepter
Keep us pinned under your blackened thumb
Create angry reddened scars if we try to run
Twirl us around on your puppeteer strings
Cause chaos if we want to just be happy
Stir up unreasonable guilt with your *******
Call us names and bruise and beat us
Taunt and scream and never relent
Rage and rampage because you are a bull and we are the matador
this is what you do

130 · Feb 27

don't

Lyle Feb 27

don't

don't
tell me my feelings aren't real!
don't
tell me I don't matter!
don't
tell me I'm too much to handle!
don't
tell me I'm not worthy!
don't
tell me I'm not deserving!
don't
tell me I'm not smart!
don't
tell me I'm not pretty!
don't
because I will believe you

123 · Mar 22

happy strategy

Lyle Mar 22

happy strategy

Oh, I always seem happy
Thank you
I've had years
and years
To perfect my happy strategy
The right size smile here
A well placed laugh right there
Tears only released in the dark
That's my happy strategy

122 · Feb 25

control

Lyle Feb 25

control

I wore long sleeves
to hide the scars
I controlled the amount of pain I was allowed to feel
to make up for the pain you caused
that I was not in control of

120 · Mar 22

Mother

Lyle Mar 22

Mother

Come here and let me tell you a secret
Mother

...

Still can't bring myself to say it.

116 · 5d

loud

Lyle 5d

loud

Loud, too loud
your voice rings in my ears
long after I have left
screaming, stop screaming
I can't hear myself thinking
about all the ways I can escape
quiet, too quiet
at least when you're screaming loud
I can feel something other than sad
you're just too loud

116 · Feb 28

easier

Lyle Feb 28

easier

What's wrong?
they ask
and its just
easier
To smile and say "nothing"
then to tell them the truth
So now I don't even give them the chance
to ask
I just plaster on a smile
and an uncaring attitude
and adopt them permanently
so they think I'm okay
because its just easier
then telling them the truth

114 · Apr 24

my fault

Lyle Apr 24

my fault

I used to think it wasn't my fault
after all, you were the adult

but maybe I was to blame
maybe, just maybe, I should've had more shame

I wore shorts that were way shorter then my finger
but I didn't know your gaze would linger

I'd like to say I was just a kid
but 14 is old enough to know what I did

I was old enough to tell you please don't speak
I was old enough to stop being weak

The things you would say rattled my brain
and to this day, still causes me pain

I know now that it was my fault
I was the kid, and you were the adult

but I wasn't strong enough to tell you to quit
I kept it a secret I couldn't admit

And I will always carry that shame
for I am to blame

114 · Feb 26

where the sidewalk ends

Lyle Feb 26

where the sidewalk ends

is a collection of poems
by Shel Silverstein
That fueled my love for poetry
Immensely

113 · Feb 25

normal

Lyle Feb 25

normal

on the outside I am happy
perfectly normal
I act like every single one of you
I dress the same way, style my hair the same
Every day
but if you peel back the many layers
that I have created to cover my true self
you'll find darkness and turmoil and weeping screaming scars
i'm tired of dressing and acting like you guys
I'm tired of pretending to be normal
when all I want is to slice open and let the pain bleed down the drain
till maybe I will be normal

112 · Feb 26

black truck (with silver accents)

Lyle Feb 26

black truck (with silver accents)

you drive a black truck
with silver accents
and now
every time I see one similar
my heart freezes
and anxiety builds
you always parked it
in the same spot
and you watched me
I know you did
I tried to erase it
but the image remains
of your stupid
stupid black truck
with the silver accents

110 · Mar 14

hope

Lyle Mar 14

hope

I hope that when you die

You'll get the best eternal life

But I hope you never forget

What you did to me.

106 · Mar 22

broken mirror

Lyle Mar 22

broken mirror

I broke my mirror
stared into the shards and cracks
Look, that's more like me

106 · Feb 25

tears

Lyle Feb 25

tears

every tear that has streamed down my face
was crafted by your violent touch
was forged with your hateful words
was built around your narcissistic ways
every tear I made was made for you

106 · Mar 10

Damaged Goods

Lyle Mar 10

Damaged Goods

Damaged Goods, Half Off
She's only slightly broken
No takers at all?

102 · Mar 3

FREE

Lyle Mar 3

FREE

I just want to be free
Unbound, unchained, untethered
I don't want to worry about what anyone thinks of me
I just want to jump and sing and fly
I'll go far away, where the sun always shines
And nobody will even know the meaning of the word cry
I just want you to let go of me already
I'm old enough to do it myself
Can't you see that I'm way past ready?
I just don't need you anymore
I want to be free; let go of me!
What do you keep holding on for?
I want to leap for joy, bask in the sun
Not have to stress about anything else
I'll sleep all I want and spend the days having fun!
Shouldn't that be what you'd want for me?
Wouldn't you want me to do it myself?
Wouldn't you want me to be FREE?

101 · Feb 26

bella

Lyle Feb 26

bella

is a black cat
with white paws
one stitched back up
from where she finally burst
at the end of her long
silky black tail
is a white tip
that I would chew on when I was young
her eyes are green
her nose pink
I've had her since I can remember
My beautiful stuffed bella

99 · Feb 25

diabolical

Lyle Feb 25

diabolical

means disgracefully bad
awfully vile
Extremely evil or cruel
Got me thinking
That's a good word for you