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2.4k · Apr 23
gone
Lyle Apr 23
What
if
I
was
just

























Gone?
1.4k · Mar 14
...
Lyle Mar 14
...
shut your MOUTH
and let me speak
because when you SPEAK
I can't think
When you THINK
you don't filter
and when you don't FILTER
your words hurt
and when you HURT
you don't care
when you don't CARE
I want to die.
1.4k · Apr 3
footsteps
Lyle Apr 3
some people's footsteps are loud
they want everyone to know that they have entered
or perhaps they have no reason to hide
They strike the ground first with their heel
you can always hear them approach

but mine?
my footsteps are silent
I glide across without a sound
no one needs to know that I am here
I have reason to hide
I tread first with the pads of my feet
you will never hear me approach
784 · Mar 30
natural disaster
Lyle Mar 30
you rip apart the seams of this family
you are a hurricane and we are the destruction in your wake
you are a wildfire and we are burned
you are an earthquake but you aren't the one rattled
you have caused mass destruction and singed everyone you touched
you hate us
you natural disaster
772 · Apr 21
Lies
Lyle Apr 21
Lies, deceit
truth stowed away
kept behind clenched teeth
and locked lips
all the while the lies spill
unbound, from desperate mouths
oozing out like honey dripping from
a liar's tongue
Lies, deceit
546 · May 2
presence
Lyle May 2
dipping your finger into
a pool
stirring up memories
good and bad
with nothing but your finger and your presence
539 · Apr 14
___
Lyle Apr 14
___
I Hate You.















There, I said it.
536 · May 8
doing okay
Lyle May 8
I think it's safe to say
that right now I'm doing okay
I don't feel sad
I'm not even mad
I'm not yet happy
but then again, I don't think I ever will be
I just think that right now I can truly say
I'm just doing okay.
467 · Mar 25
Tell me
Lyle Mar 25
tell me what you see
when you look at me
of course you see the same thing
the same thing I see

of course you see the same
ugliness and darkness
of course you notice
the emptiness and worthlessness

of course you see the same
because there's no prettiness
no worth, no light, no fulfillment
Tell me how you notice the things you say you do!
437 · Feb 25
cycle
Lyle Feb 25
i'm scared that when I have kids
i'll parent just like her
or her
drugs and abandonment on one end
abuse and manipulation on the other
I don't know how to end the cycle
when I see myself in the reflection of both of their eyes
413 · May 17
lonely
Lyle May 17
being lonely is different
then being alone

you can be lonely while surrounded by people
but to be alone is to be truly by yourself

and when you are truly alone
the worst kind of lonely sets in
395 · Mar 3
help
Lyle Mar 3
Please
I beg of you
Please don't leave me behind
Please
I need you
Don't leave me here
Wait!
Don't walk away!
You're leaving me behind!
Wait!
Look back!
You're leaving me here!
Help
I'm begging you
Don't leave me behind!
Help
I need you
Please don't leave me here.
346 · Jun 1
bruises
Lyle Jun 1
I used to bruise easily
both on the inside
and outside
words used to grab
me like a vise
and leave bruises under the skin
mottling my confidence
with their ugly black hue
fists used to bruise
my eyes, my legs, my arms
on the outside of my skin
leaving marks for all to see
but over the years I built up tolerance
nothing bruises me anymore
nothing can cut me anymore
nothing can hurt me when I don't care
anymore
341 · Jun 2
headache
Lyle Jun 2
when my heart is done aching
the pain moves to my head
the feelings swarm to my mind
because simmering in my heart
does them no good
at least when they make my head ache
they are allowed to boil over
and be released all at once
captured in headache tears
that once were heartache feelings
336 · Jun 29
wrong
Lyle Jun 29
I was okay for so long
I should've known it would go wrong
333 · May 25
summer rain
Lyle May 25
summer rain, warm wet air
puddles on the concrete
music in your head
rainbow over the mountain while the
sun shines through dark clouds
barefoot through the damp green grass
running, spinning, watching the lightning
hair falling in wet strands, framing your face
throwing caution to the wind
to dance in the exquisite summer rain
324 · May 6
yellow
Lyle May 6
a yellow summer is coming
yellow tipped sun kissed clouds
drift just above a pasture of yellow waving flowers
summer is coming, you can smell it
in the warm air, still misty with rain
rain that dampened silky yellow strands of hair
and a gentle breeze gives hope
that maybe it will offer relief from the sticky yellow sun
a yellow summer is coming
283 · Jun 23
bitter summer
Lyle Jun 23
summer is supposed to be fun
freeing and flying, shine and sun
but my summers have always been wrong
while other's are short, mine are too long
my summer is cruel, locked up with nowhere to go
I wish I could explain this to someone, but no one can know
that I feel like I'm imprisoned on top of this hill
summers are a bitter pill
282 · Jul 12
get over it
Lyle Jul 12
crying a river
so I can drown in it
building a bridge
so I can reach for someone's hand
as they get over it
and watch me drown
275 · May 1
dread
Lyle May 1
dread
weighs
heavy
as
anxiety
grabs
hold
and
slowly
kills me
259 · Feb 25
just once
Lyle Feb 25
just once
I want to be called beautiful
I wont believe you anyways
but i'll want to
just once I want you to tell me i'm worth it
I won't trust you
but i'll try
just once I want you to see me
i'll pretend you weren't looking at me
but i'll know
just once I want to be told i'm perfect
flaws included
but I won't believe you
258 · Mar 6
Makeup
Lyle Mar 6
You screamed this morning
Now my makeup is running
Look. You ruined me.
240 · Feb 25
I needed you to save me
Lyle Feb 25
We were sitting in the park
I was six, my brother seven
I love you, she told us
Our once-a-monthly visit
That she missed more then she made
I'm working hard to get you back
I'm trying to stay clean
So you can come and live with me
I never told her what I really felt
So here are those words now
I needed you to save me
I needed you to want me
But I guess the drugs were a stronger force
Then the love you should have felt for your kids
Now I live in hell
And I swear its all your fault
235 · Jun 20
failure
Lyle Jun 20
I've failed
in more ways then one
failed a test
failed a friend
failed at life
fail
fail
fail
I'm a failure
can't do anything right
Lyle Feb 25
the people i'm closest to
never seem to stay
they always have to go away
and leave me behind
crying
229 · Apr 5
chalk drawings
Lyle Apr 5
a day so many years ago
drawing with sidewalk chalk
chalk pieces left on the driveway
rain
began to fall
drawings began to blur and fade
chalk pieces dissolving
into sticky puddles
of neon orange, pink
purple and blue
swirling together
makes me remember
that there was a day
when I stopped going back out
with a piece of chalk in hand
to leave drawings for the rain to distort
227 · Jun 7
too late
Lyle Jun 7
too
late
fateful words
reminds me what I've been too late for
too late to whisper I love you
too late to say no
too late to tell the truth
too late to erase a mistake
too late to speak up
too late to try
too late to give a hug
too late to think straight
too late to land
too late to stop you
too
late
fateful words
226 · Apr 27
hand in hand
Lyle Apr 27
Life takes too much energy
Exhausted
all
the
time
Sick of it all
It's not the first time struck by an episode
Life is going average
Ok-ish
pretty boring
but
routine
is
key

O
C
D

Yes, life could be better
but we'll get through it
I know we'll get through it
because you told me we will
so we shall
hand
in
hand
Together
another poem for Poet
222 · Feb 25
could be worse
Lyle Feb 25
I think of everything I go through daily
the hitting, the screaming
the narcissism, the manipulation
the abuse
and I think
Could be worse
so I end up being grateful that at least
I got food to eat and somewhere to sleep
a school to go to and siblings that care
I look at the bigger picture
instead of allowing myself to feel like a victim
because that mindset will get me nowhere
so I cope in silence and just be thankful
because it could be worse
221 · Apr 30
heart drop
Lyle Apr 30
my heart dropped
only for an iron fist to grip it in panic
it started racing hard
I got uncomfortable, wanted to leave
tried to avoid you
tried to be positive despite the anxiety
but my heart dropped
all because I saw you
you don't drive the black truck with the silver accents anymore
or I would have known you'd be there
you
winked
at
me
and my heart dropped
218 · Jun 17
not your color
Lyle Jun 17
depression is not your color
it doesn't look good on you
I can see the reflection
of depression wearing you thin
you're pushing everyone away
you're pushing ME away
and I am hating this so much
I don't know who you are
you aren't the goofy smile
and loud laugh I love
you're negativity, poison, betrayal
and it doesn't suit you
depression is not your color
213 · May 19
Falling
Lyle May 19
It's not the falling that hurts-
It's the before.
when you're standing on the edge
That's when it hurts.
The fall is the most freeing part-
the weightless, unburdening float towards reality
and then with a SNAP
you realize that
The landing hurts too.
You will experience pain before the fall, peace before the landing.
210 · Mar 9
mood
Lyle Mar 9
If you are feeling blue
Then I must too
When your anger sizzles through
Mine must bubble up inside me too
When you are tired and don't want to move
I guess that's what I will do too
And if you are smiling for all to see
Finally
I am allowed to be happy
208 · Jun 9
roof
Lyle Jun 9
opening my window
sitting on the roof
with my knees tucked to my chin
staring into the night
drops of rain falling all around me
the breeze reminding me
that I do feel
the croak of frogs down in the pond
chirp of crickets
stars hidden beneath a blanket of clouds
the pattern of the rain matches
the drops of my tears
people care
and this night is too pure
to be sad
207 · Mar 27
peace
Lyle Mar 27
fingertips
trailing through the clear crystalline water
feet
squishing through the lush grass
face
turned up towards the warm heat of the sun
lungs
inhaling the sweet, clean air
hair
blowing in the gentle cooling breeze
ears
listening to the wonderful serene sounds
heart
at peace at last
203 · May 27
stack words
Lyle May 27
why not instead of stacking red
cuts up on your arm and leg
you stack words in bleeding ink
words to live by, to make you think
press the pen tip to your skin
and do not lift up the sharp thing ever again
202 · Jun 25
I'm not
Lyle Jun 25
I lie
I steal
I sneak
I fake
I manipulate
I'm not the person that you see
I'm only as much as I allow you to see
don't you believe?
that isn't me
you shouldn't believe
everything you read
I'm not
all that I appear to be
Guess I've got a bit longer here!
200 · Mar 21
know
Lyle Mar 21
when I smile,
know that it is
forced
when I laugh
know that it is
fake
when I cry
know that it is
overdue
when I scream
know that it is
powerless
when I die
know that it was
wanted
199 · May 23
morning comes
Lyle May 23
do you know what its like
to wake up every morning
and be disappointed that your eyes open?
that your heart still beats
and there is still air going into your lungs?

if so I am so so sorry.
198 · Feb 26
three L's
Lyle Feb 26
just another quick write
before I sign off for the night
today I laughed
I loved
I learned
So I feel like that made it a great day
dontcha think?
191 · May 23
rather
Lyle May 23
I would rather be dirt poor with a loving family
then live in this big expensive house of nightmares
189 · Mar 22
I will!
Lyle Mar 22
scream at me
and I will hate myself
manipulate me
and I will do the same
beat me
and I will cause my own scars
just speak to me
and I will listen and learn
all this extra is unnecessary.
188 · May 20
Twisted Words
Lyle May 20
you twist words that come from my mouth
you bend them into a sick shape
to match your will
you distort them until they fit
your version of events
You make things up
to make me seem like the bad guy
in your eyes there is only one truth
and it's the one you create from the words
you twist from my mouth
187 · May 8
loud
Lyle May 8
Loud, too loud
your voice rings in my ears
long after I have left
screaming, stop screaming
I can't hear myself thinking
about all the ways I can escape
quiet, too quiet
at least when you're screaming loud
I can feel something other than sad
you're just too loud
186 · May 21
braces
Lyle May 21
it's truly amazing
what braces can do
I went from a girl with teeth too big for her mouth
and large gaps between all front teeth
to someone a little easier on the eyes
and a little more confident
after four years
of metal, wires, pain and colorful bands
186 · Feb 27
chain
Lyle Feb 27
your words are the chain
that I will drag as a ghost
every word
a new link
clink
clink
clink
by the time you are done
my chain's a mile long
and your fist
is the shackle 'round my ankle
and your heart
bruised and beaten and battered
is the ball at the end of the chain
'till I
clatter
clatter
clatter
anytime I move
185 · Feb 28
picture perfect
Lyle Feb 28
The perfect family
Smile for the public
No one knows what's beneath the laughter and jokes
No one suspects that they are anything less than
The perfect family
Picture perfect house
Picture perfect appearance
Won’t someone look a little deeper
Look past the expensive things
Look at the expressions
Can’t you tell
That this isn’t a perfect family?
181 · Feb 25
control
Lyle Feb 25
I wore long sleeves
to hide the scars
I controlled the amount of pain I was allowed to feel
to make up for the pain you caused
that I was not in control of
181 · May 26
That's not my name
Lyle May 26
I no longer have the name I was given
when I was seven it was changed
"for your safety"
Like my mother would care enough to come find me
the only thing she cared about was her next fix
I didn't get a say in the changing of my birth name
They changed
One
Letter.
One letter later I had a different identity
I hated the name, told my adoptive mother so
every time she called me it I responded with
That's Not My Name.
but here I am, ten years later, responding to a name I hate
It reminds me that they didn't care enough to listen to me
That's Not My Name.
sometimes when strangers ask me for my name I am still tempted
to respond with the name of my past
it is beautiful, it was MY NAME.
All I wanted was to have an opinion, to be heard
To keep my name my name my name MY NAME.
That's not my name
From Hayley to Harley. For years I got teased and called "Harley Davidson" and "Harley Quin". Technically they changed my middle name and last name too, but changing my first name hurt worse since I hated the name SO MUCH.
178 · Apr 22
write
Lyle Apr 22
Pen to paper
Write
I can't
Fingers to keyboard
Write
I can't
Thoughts in mind
Write
I can't
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