you are a wallflower, calm and observant and accepting of others
you are the love people pray for and the hymns they sing on sleepy sunday mornings
you are beauty and you're busy making me into a masterpiece
you trace my every outline with a shaky finger painting my skin with colors that bring out the shadows of my cheekbones and the holes in heart.
you reassure me that there is divinity and simplicity coexisting
you lift me up above the world, spinning on its axis and put me in orbit around your shining sun
and you watch my comets soar appreciating their juxtaposition of fire trailed by ice
you understand my quietness and give me time to pick apart my words letter by letter
know I have to have times hands grasped firmly in mine
you give definition to every word my trembling voice manages to form.
turning my nouns into objects of desire and verbs into movies with the sound off
you are everything to me . I am everything to you
and I swear to God, that's the best thing in my life

I'll tell you I love you but never how much.
I'll cry in front of you but behind my hands where you can't follow the stream with your eyes.
My tears are like rivers.
I'll hold you til I fall asleep and wish we never woke up,
jump on the back of a bird and fly away to space, never easily brought back.
I promise I will rarely ever make sense
and I'll do everything in my power to avoid doing the dishes after I cook.
I'll try on the skin of a woman with confidence but shed it before I climb back under the covers.
I'm naked.
This make-up is an opportunity to convince myself I'm beautiful,
that my smile is something strangers don't hate to look at
and that maybe I can make your heart beat a little quicker.
I wish I knew better,
better than to believe what I know is truth.
I've always wanted a telescope so that I could look with one I shut at the universe high above and below me.
That maybe I could put into perspective why I feel so small and insignificant.
Remember that time you asked me if I was happy and I looked at you like you just asked me what I was wearing two weeks ago?
I am not sure what that means anymore,
even the dictionary blurs when I try to read it.

If you want to write me a love song, make it sincere
and when you read it to me, sing it like you mean it because I'm ripping open my rib cage and letting my heart fall out on the floor beneath your feet.
I'm not sure what you intend to do with the sweetness in your voice
but remember I don't prefer light words
or heavy ones, for that matter, that weigh down your being
like rocks sewn into your ankles.
There's no use pouring water into a cup that's already full,
are you still listening?
Do the butterflies in my tummy tell me lies
or do you really love me enough to stick around through my times of intense thunderstorms?
Through the constant down pour of insecurities and made up truths?
I can't breathe sometimes
so I take your lips to mine and breathe in the breath in your lungs
hoping to survive solely on the dreams that nestle in the comfort of your mind.
I'm burning like a candle
smoking til my wick burns down
buried deep beneath the lost promises you've made.

If there's one thing you could do for me
and I'd never ask for anything more,
I'd beg of you to wish for me.
Wish for days that start with sun and end with the milky sky hanging light over my unburdened head.
Wish for hot coffee in my cup,
clean dishes in my cupboard,
a self ran washing machine
and a reason to wake up and smile
because I forgot how to laugh for a second there and when I reached for your hand,
you weren't there.
I'm all over the place and I wish I had a map
other than the one I drew connecting the points of your skin I've managed to kiss.
I love your lips.

You.
Yes you.
Gosh.
You.
I love you.
And you lie.
You say you care.
You use you're smooth words to coax me.
To coax your way back into my heart.
You.
You there.
You've stolen me.
Stolen all of me.
All the goodness.
You.
You don't even know.
You.
You say you want to stay.
You.
You say you won't hurt me.
You.
You're going to be a liar.
You can't help it.
Because I'll either be,
Too much,
Or,
Too little.
You.
You scare me.
You walked right in through the front gate.
You.
You didn't see the warning sign.
Beware.
Delicate heart.
Easily loves.
Easy to hurt.
Fragile.
You.
You just walked in.
Now.
Now we wait and see.

This is the very second I could no longer stand the absence of you in front of me. I stretch my head over every fence because sometimes I see you and I laying on a blanket in the backyard we never had the chance to share. Hands in my pockets, adding every effort I can spare to keep my legs moving because It's not easy pretending that you weren't the only thing my legs moved for, that you weren't the only thing my hands came out of my pockets for. But my soles have tred and I have some strength left, so I'll keep going. Moving further away. Far enough that the thought of you will be almost impossible, and I'll make a friend, because it's not easy pretending that the further I go doesn't mean the further I'll walk back to you. Give me the night in which you're needing loved, I have a boat waiting for us at the dock, I'm going to be leaving alone. In three days time, I'll come to my Y and I'll go left and youll take my heart with you. Holding the perfection of the bottom of the ocean, I heard I'd be crushed if I made it that deep, but it's perfection, and I'm all out. I dove and sure enough I am crushed but i saw the ocean floor, I saw perfection, I wanted to grab it, kiss it, and hold it all at once. I wanted it to always be so, where could I go?.. I'd walk out this door and head south until I saw trails of you on the roadway. Something that tells me you've been there. I can remember every square foot you stood inside of and at a point you hung a smile from your jaw line and I put down a towel to soak up the plethora of me you'd leave melted along the sidelines of these sidewalks, filling every crack, because I can't handle seeing anything broken anymore. Ask me why I've been walking a rope around these Hills, because I'd love to tell you how I'd drag them to you. Wonder why I've been walking straight with my head down, because I've been dying to tell you that I'm ashamed of myself without you. I want you to need to know why I have been holding my breath, because I've been telling the world how I've been hoping you'd come and take it away again.

She lights the way
On darkest morning
Gives to all
With no strings showing
The only reason
I keep going
Perhaps one day
I'll say hello