Let the hushed autumn wind remind me of finality
Dying leaves, remnants of a dead summer
Things will be over soon
This dull hum surrounds me
Reminds me of upcoming change
Change like a spring can only come from the whisper of death
Forgotten times
Memories, not moments
Whispers

I miss the shallow tides of life
Those childish whispers we had of careers
I swear we all wanted to be doctors at least once
Now it's just student loans and unemployment rates
Bitterness towards aspirations that were once so mystical
They leave a sour taste in my mouth

I'm a lazy perfectionist
I only accept the best but never work for it

There is a heavy insistence from those close to me that I'm better.
That this dip in my improvement is nothing more than temporary.
After all most flowers must wilt before they truly bloom.
But I am bitter, I feel nothing from these roots.
A shadow of years of practice.
I doubt that I am a necromancer and my talent is dying;
If I try to remain on this path I'll die a failure.
Maybe I should go against my goals for money or fame
Something I can grasp that won't pass through my fingers.
Baby steps towards a future I didn't prepare for but one I'll survive.

Have you ever made a mistake and immediately regretted it?
Like all the contents of your stomach start a rampage of protest.
Where words taste like vile and leave the same impact?

Like your not afraid of the response but that moment
It's painful
Even when you're the one holding the knife

I don't talk a lot, I avoid it like the plague
It hurts my senses- I feel the need to over explain
Compensate for empty space

But I spill out nothing good, my lungs are tar
It drags back any word not harsh enough to break free
Like when you lashed out at your parents as a child

The same feeling of regret but also anger like no one understood
A teenage phase that returns in between breaths
And now you've gutted yourself in front of someone you care for

Because no one is pretty on the inside
I showed that I'm nothing more that maggot filled meat
That I am rotten to the core

Oh sweet little Rose, you act as if I hadn't known
For days, for weeks, of your betrayal

The side words of a horror story- he wanted to die
He said the same words to remove layers of clothes
Said those same words to get a track record of assault

That manipulation would finally see justice
Children would be free of adult hands
But you, little Rose, have killed a damning testimony

Returning to a monster, a ******
I knew it would happen- you return to what gives you attention

I want to know when the lies started
You treated him like a bad guy for so long
Were those all words to assure my comfort

Words to make me think it was fine, that my family could sleep
Yet it appears a court order wasn't even enough to do that
The man that haunted my family was 10 feet from my home

And even then I knew
So enjoy the facade of tonight, it will be the last