There was a man from Birtley,
when I met him he really hurt me,
He kicked me in the face,
and another mysterious place,
Now I have H.I.V.

There once was a man from Liverpool,
he once decided he needed a bigger tool,
so he went to the shop,
he was in a flop,
and accidently bought a new stool.

There was a woman from Iraq
she had a wonderful sack
it dragged on the floor
all red and raw
and now she's got a problem with her back

There was an man from Harrington,
Oh how he wanted to become a nun,
But he ate too much,
So he stopped being butch,
And wasn't allowed to be a nun all because he weighed a ton.