It's not here anymore
Your cigarette butts
When I empty my Ashtray
Your half empty bottle of ***
When I open my cupboard
Your toothbrush where you
Left it in my bathroom

It's not here anymore
Your expensive cologne that clings
To everything you come in contact with
Your phone charger
Next to my bed
Your side of the bed
The second glass
The second plate

It's not here anymore
Your voice
Your name on my phone
Your favourite movies in my collection

No trace left

And yet

Your cologne sticks to the inside
Of my walls
Your food to the inside
Of my mouth
Your words
The inside of my head

I wish you would just
Leave

I called out this morning
Into the emptiness
Of my rearranged bedroom
Your
Our
My
Pet name
And you didn't come around the corner
To greet me
With your grizzly face

Today I miss you
I long for the moments
Where we behaved like infants
But I remember
Like whiplash
The hardships
And the pet names
And tears
Fade.

if
love is
a battlefield
i
want
to
dry her lonely tears

Slow dancing in my satin slip
To John Lee ****** songs
By candle light and slow rising steam
From the nearby tub
Tipsy from the red wine
In a good glass dangling from my hand
the thoughts of you swirling
Through my already hazy mind
Your gaze caressing
My slow moving limbs
Igniting me from the inside upwards
Anticipation thrills

You made me feel tonight

I always felt
Deep down
That I was your last hope

So when the ugliness in you
Reached a volume I could no longer
Bare
Encouraging and fighting
For me to join into
The tableau of horrors
I said could not
And would not

And fled the scene
Just like I predicted you would run out
Of steam
But your inner demons
They tricked you and blamed me
So I decided you didn't matter as much
As my work, my soul, my heart
My well being
And never looked back.

contentment is a deep peace
hard won
and even more, going further,
total gift