Sky bleeds thin red line__
    Obsidian blade cuts deep
    hinterland of time.

r ~ 8Mar14

Locked up like a fortress
Behind rows of deadbolts
This is how I live.
Nothing good ever comes through.
I'm still learning this.

Every time I crack the door
Peeking out, hoping to see
A familiar or friendly face
It only causes me shame.
Did you see my secret pain?
I'm trying so hard to hide behind it.

My door swings on nothing.
I'm floating on it in a sea of confusion
Clinging on for dear life
Because it is all I have to keep me safe.
Only now I've lost the key
And there are millions of doors,
But none of them are mine.

Frantically I'm searching,
Screaming into the wind
As it tears my flesh with icy fingers.
But I think I've given up, it's hopeless.
Ill just let myself sink to the bottom.

*I'm awake now and the nightmare is over
But to my horror I'm looking in the mirror
And the nightmare is my life.
I'll just go check the locks
One more time.

But I've been stuck in my own
                               Pluvial place for so long that
                  I no longer know what
                                                 Clear skies look like.

The devil once told me

Not to play with fire.

Here I am, looking up causes for headaches
at 1 am
when I know it will always come back to you.
My hands found the bottom of the ocean
as I cleaned old movie tickets out of my car today.
I can see your honesty from here.
It took my composure on its way out the door.
I’m not bitter anymore.
I’m just tired.
And I’m tired of being so tired.
I’m sorry you didn’t stay.
I’m sorry that I apologize
for all the times you didn’t.
I keep forgetting these things
are not one-sided,
and so,
I’m sorry I gave you everything
for nothing in return.
You tasted like love,
and I was parched.
Still am.