Something I should not say!
However, at 70 years old I am turning gray!
I never thought that it would happen this way
My friends at the age of forty was turning gray
Therefore, I thought it would happen that way.
Now I can see – that I am aging gracefully!
They have all gone through a divorce
And I am still holding my course.
Is it something that I have done?
That I am still the only one.
Was it something in the water?
That their lives are in total disorder.
Or is it that I have made the right choice
When I decided to lower my voice!
To not to scream and holler, and get hot under the collar!
If you want to have a good life, do not argue with your wife!
It is your life you will save, so she does not
Put you in an early grave

From age sixteen to twenty, I had a 32-inch waist
Not an ounce of fat, not even a trace.
What happened to my youthful body?
When I had all muscle and no flab
Now all this weight I have to drag.
It is hell when you lose that youthful ***
Where people s heads turn and they nod.
Now my gut hangs over my belt
This is the worst I have ever felt.
They say when you get older your muscles tend to relax
Looks like I have to charge an overweight income tax!
They say in your fifties you are in your prime
“What happened to mine? “
When we get older, we are supposed to revert
Back to our childhood years, but apparently
Our bodies have some fears.
It birth it was our parents who used to change our diapers
Now our children are changing them!
GOD is truly a comedian!

.


It was above and beyond the call of duty
When she had to clean his *****.
He had crap from the pampers down
And not a clean spot to be found.

Then he took his hand and spread it all around
From the table to the ground.
He had spread it every where
And had done it with such care.

To him this was just a game
As he tried to write his name.
His mother was as angry as can be
But she laughed hysterically.

And as her laughter finally settled down
He looked at her with a frown.
He did not realize all that he had done
He was just having fun.

As she carried him to the shower
He decided to have his final hour.

Oops! I did it again mom!

.
The years are starting to catch up to me
Graying temples is what I see.
My youthful appearance has gone astray
As I turned the other way.

What happened to my younger years
When I was bold, brave and had no fears.
Has life rewritten every line
And I’ve fallen behind the times.

In my youth I left my mark
Now to old age I will embark.
I will kick *** - like I’ve always done
As long as I can get up and face the sun
And if the day comes that the sun no longer shines
It must have climbed up my behind.

Maybe it went to join I.B.S.
And is searching to give a test.
I will let old age pass
The same as I do with my gas.

I will let it blow in the wind
So you can have a whiff my friend.

(ha-ha father time welcomes you)

If you see me lying in the street, with a bottle of whiskey at my feet
And you hear me mumbling under my breathe
It is because my pants are wet.
I had a case of the runs, and you know that is no fun.
It is such a disgrace when you are covered from feet to waist.
Therefore, I will lay here on the ground until by the police I am found.
It is easier to say it happened when I was drunk
Rather than hear all their junk.
When I got home, I was surprised to see that there was a bath waiting for me.
I took off my clothes and into the garbage it went
As I sprayed it with “HEAVEN SENT “.
I climbed into the water and let out a scream – there was
Something burning in between.
My wife came running in when she heard my cry.
Then I heard her say to my surprise
OH MY GOODNESS, OH MY SOUL, I NEVER SAW A ****
WITH A RED A—HOLE.
(Ha ha – we need comedy in our lives)

The missus bought a Paperback
  ...at Val Village, Saturday,
  I had a look inside her bag;
  ....T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".

  Well I just left her to it,
  And at ten I went to bed.
  An hour later she appeared;
  The sight filled me with dread…..

  In her left she held a rope;
  And in her right a whip!
  She threw them down upon the floor,
  And then began to strip.

  Well fifty years or so ago;
  I might have had a peek;
  But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
  She's eighty four next week!!

  Watching Mabel bump and grind;
  Could not have been much grimmer.
  And things then went from bad to worse;
  She toppled off her Zimmer!

  She struggled back upon her feet;
  A couple minutes later;
  She put her teeth back in and said
  .....I am the dominater !!

  Now if you knew our Mabel,
  You'd see just why I spluttered,
  I'd spent two months in traction
  For the last complaint I'd uttered.

  She stood there **** and naked
  Bent forward just a bit
  I went to hold her, sensual like
  and stood on her left ***!

  Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
  My god what had I done!?
  She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
  "Step on the other one"!!

  Well readers, I can't tell no more;
  About what occurred that day.
  Suffice to say my jet black hair,
  Turned fifty shades of Grey.

It was a shoebox of poems written over the years
Of joyous moments, heart aches and tears
The fond memories of her life, of being a mother and a wife.
Poems of her child bearing years, and all the joys that she shared.
A poem of the moment that she had dread
Of the day that she wed.
With butterflies in her stomach and tears in her eyes
And being strong so she would not cry.
Poems of when her children reached school age
And each year was a different phase.
Poems of family times, vacation times
And even of the nursery rhymes.
Waiting till the time was right, and to have
Quality time with her husband at night.
Her entire life was in a shoebox of poetry
Left to read by you and me.