Don't fall for me
Don't fall in love with me
When you love me
you also love my
mishaps
flaws
mistakes
demons
I will over-analyze you
and every word you say
and every move you make
You'll see that I'm a mess
and majority of the time
I don't know what the hell is
going on
I'm a clutz and trip over my own
two feet
I'm needy and I'll often ask you if you seriously do
love me
My emotions are so big and wide that I have enough to go
around for everyone who doesn't give a ****
but if you decide to fall in love with me
regardless of all this
I'll write you poems so sweet
that they'll sound like melodies
I'll love you like the sun loves the moon
I'll care for you in a way that is so gentle and delicate
I will always be there
I'll be your rock
I'll love all the things you swear you hate about yourself
I'll make constellations out of your freckles
and a new galaxy will be found in your eyes
I'll find beauty in your flaws
and you'll wonder why you never loved yourself
in the way that
I love you

There is so much grief
between the four of us
that we drive to the clinic
in two separate cars

When we get there
my parents struggle
to lift the golden bundle of childhood
from the backseat

Her paws hit the pavement
and she is staggering
towards the little white dog
across the parking lot

She stops to breathe
             heavy breaths
             full of effort

Dad is the first to cry
holding her leash while
the rest of us hold our breath

We are crammed into a room
too small to comfortably support
all the woe between us

I am holding front paws
face pressed to fur
and the doctor asks me
if this is my first time
as if to imply

death gets easier
if you let loss become routine

she asks if we want to burn the bandana too

she uses two needles

Dad leaves the room
Trevor swears he can still see her chest moving
Mom's eyes red like embers
head heavy on my arms

When I get home
I use an entire bottle of shampoo
on Russell but

the white fur on his chin
doesn't wash away

If you love her, remember that on bad days.
If you love her, love her harder when she least deserves it.
When you spend the night out being intoxicated,
remember she is drunk, choking on her tears.
When your eyes lust over another woman's body,
remember that she stripped herself-
3 layers, 300 walls
she was naked for you.
When you light up and carve a smile on your face, talking to a past lover,
remember that she,
she has been kissing those scars on your soul for them to heal,
she has fermented herself in your bones for you to stand,
she did not expect her sacrifices to be sacrificed.
When you are buzzed in your life, when there is hardly any energy left for you to talk to her,
remember that every ******* second she's without you,
it was a hell of a marathon for her.
When you get upset over her mistakes, correct her.
But remember do not correct her when you have wronged.
When you are tired of handling her emotional hurricanes that storms through your routines,
remember that those are just bad days.
Remember that storms pass.
Remember her when she laughs at your jokes that everyone else finds less humorous.
Remember her wide smiles and her glittering eyes when she looks at you.
Remember how she survived your storms.
If you love her, remember that on bad days.

( FAH )

The wonder in your eyes could illuminate all the dying stars in the sky. I've never met anyone who could play music like you do -- you've got a knack for talents I can only dream of having.
I hear a symphony of world-class musicians when you sing, and see the patient sunsets when you smile.
Your hugs make me feel hope inside my heart. Your hands make me feel a kind of happiness that lasts for hours.
I love you, but I have to let you go for now. My dreams are filled with futures of you, but I have to let myself see the possibility of futures without you.
I cannot let myself say the goodbye I know I need to move on from you. You don't have to know that I am letting you go. I'm not going to tell you.