I often tell people that I was always the one getting left behind
   but of course
I never once told them that I gave them all the reasons to walk away
  in the first place

I'm way past my boiling point. I am slamming my fingers hard against the keyboard and i can feel myself trembling as the anger flushes down me. I wish I could understand your point of view. I wish I could see how you could even imagine doing it. I wish I could read your mind and see your intentions. But **** you, you are just an *******. You are drenched in the holy fire of hell. You are the demon I see on my shoulder. You are the biggest ******* *******.

I've been known to romanticize anything, everything, I feel, but **** it. Even I can't pretend a ****** person like you can be magically perfumed with my words

I did become stronger
after surviving the fall
when i hit rock bottom

but the wounds are still there
still fresh
and it still stings to the touch

*—L.m.

once you had
    a taste of sadness,
          do your best to warn
          other people not to eat it

    *—L.m.

i keep forgetting that it was never your fault
   i keep forgetting that you are no mind reader
   we both have the demons
   we both have the nightmares
   we both know what it's like to be dead
   and sadly, we both don't know how to cherish
   we both push away people
   we both can't accept happiness
   we both crave we both want we both need
   maybe it's our fault
   we're both born selfish
   and we both take take take
   until everything got so dried up we don't have anything else to offer
  
and even i can't take how empty the air is between us


*—L.m

it used to be because I had family problems
and I had witnessed so much lack of love
between my parents

it used to be because I was so stressed in school
i had mental breakdowns in front of my desk
because I couldn't answer #2

it used to be because I felt nobody understand me
everybody else was happy and good
and i didn't want to ruin the mood

it used to be because I replaced tears with heavy breathing
and clenching fists
"take a deep breath! take a deep breath!" they yell
but i just couldn't hear

it used to be because I thought I didn't deserve happiness
i was *****, i am in the wrong
and i couldn't be happy for anybody else

it used to be because of a lot of things, but i've already learn. it used to be because of so many things. so many things used to bother my sleep and my mind. there used to be so many demons on my shoulders. there used to be nothing else but pain. and i wish i was exaggerating but it's real and it's mine and i can't control it. but i already learned to be happy

so please please tell me this is temporary i don't want to revisit the darkness again please somebody tell me this drowning feeling and shifting moods are nothing i dont want this i dont want to live in fear of everything i dont want to push other people away i dont want my nightmares to eat me in the morning and my dreams to haunt me in my sleep

i've already been there. so please don't give me another reason to relive it