You still feel like a long time ago

I hate December

I hate that I miss you more than I miss myself

I'd rather lose myself again
than be away from you

I hate this December
winter where are you
the warmest nights feel empty without you

It hurts to miss you alone
It hurts more to miss you close

I once liked a boy
he killed me
bore me to death

I crawl into my head
you make the ugliest comments
there goes my self-esteem

you pull on my strings
left leg
twist my arms
you make me fall over and over again

are you better than me
I'm a puppet

tell me everything
I don't want to hear

I'll walk backwards

you're controlling

I'm fighting off
pulling on these strings

there goes my last bit of sanity
spiraling down into the darkness

you can pull my limbs apart
you can pick at my skin

doesn't change
your transparency

it's all your fault