I did it.


That's all she wrote.




But she didn't understand


it had all


just
begun.

Pin needles in my head
in my arms.
My feet feel sharp.
My knees won't bend right.
Can't support my own weight.
Try
and stumble.
Try again
and fall.
I am weak with strength
and I am happy with weakness.

Blonde.
Bold lips.
Round lines.
Real eyes.
Blonde.

one step left
one right
no, two left.
one right again.
it's like that book plot
that's all the scribbles
on a white board
instead of that
clear line that goes up to a point,
has it's ******,
and then falls back down
in surrender to a resolution.
but one more step right
then three left
two more right
no.
no.
left.
left again.
one more step right
three this time
oh
wait.
then we're just back at square one.

Morning
Fight
Morning
I can face my worst fears
Morning
It doesn't have to be like this forever.
Morning
There are REAL things out there.
.
.
.
Then why did you pull the rug out from under my feet as soon as they swung out from bed onto the floor?

***** Chais and Saturdays.
The things in life
that used to be so very easy.
So simple.
So sweet.
***** Chais and Saturdays.
Nothing more than that.

I wish I could give you the world.
I wish I could give you my world and you could give me yours.
I wish I could give you all of the beautiful things.
The magical, amazing
beautiful things.
But all I seem to have left is this shell.
This empty, lonely shell to give.
So all I can ask is
will you please help me
fill it?
Please?