Don't ask me why I'm
Drowning in my own saline

It's as if the blood stains have marked
My legs and eyes and lips
And I've started wishing it was my own blood

It would at least give me a reason to weep

Instead I watch in horror
As the brutal affliction consumes me from the ground up.

Don't ask me why I'm
Drowning in my own saline.

I crave indifference.

Some day
You will front a darling little parade
And you'll be carried on careful shoulders
While your name flutters in the wind

Maybe I'll be among the crowd,
Or
(More predictably)
Waiting in the nearest bar
To read about it in the paper.

Maybe your
(Shaky, small)
wife will be there
In that elegant black dress
And she'll shed one single tear.
Not of sadness,
But of
Relief.


*"Ashes to ashes,
Dust to dust."

I'm alone,
You know,
And would welcome you
At any time
To paint pictures with my blood
And **** me slowly
Staring into my
Dilated pupils
And wring my neck
With my
Sweaty palms

I certainly wouldn't stop you

Lovely lady, keep away
Charming men will lead astray.

Lovely lady, hold feelings in
Men are rarely genuine.

Lovely lady, never call
Men just love a decent brawl.

Lovely lady, don’t fall in love
He’ll be gone, push-comes-to-shove.

Lovely lady, I’d throw a punch
Did I not love them so ******* much!

Another day gone
Another life beginning
While I simply wait

I am not one to pass a fancy
But more of one to slip and fall
Let them rise and smile to greet me-
Watch me how I'll never call.

I have been there, surely waiting
As the phone sits still as pain--
Here I go, without complaining
And here I do to him the same.

Let his love be thoughtful, touching
Telling me it never quits-
Then watch me, mascara running
As I dash that heart to bits!

L'Envoi:

Ruthlessly began the cycle
When that man stood by, stood by,
Pray for help to God and Michael-
And kiss your heart good-bye, good-bye.

Without you, I can't find the good in the world.

He who basked in my little verses
Stayed to watch me fall
And now I count my little curses
Coping with it all.

Let him hurt, who gave me pain
And let him sail away
Let me leave on him a stain-
And let me have my day!

For I got words that run and shout
And he got sighs and dances
I'd like to let my anger out;
Lord, don't give me any chances!

You **** me
Romantically
You hurt me
Lovingly
It's romantic and
It's killing me
I love how you're
Hurting me

What if I told you of a spell
One that could destroy whole countries
In the blink of an eye?
Would you scoff and turn up your collar
at my paganistic ways?
Lover, I speak the truth!
This phrase is not a lie!
It causes violent outrage
And it is inescapable.
Save yourself:
Don't pass it on!
It is not worth the carnage,
But I will tell the dreadful words, as I have told man after man:
*I love you.

By this time last year
I could work to forget you
And I did well except to think of your hurts and
Those little pains that seemed to ripple through your heart
And by this time last year, that was all.
I didn't have to prove to you these little split-ended loves and
Shallow hopes and
Careful kisses.
But by this time last year
I had the hope of another.
It's silly to know it was a lie to love someone else,
Like I had never felt before you, and not for a moment after I
Lapsed into that bitter cold uncaring that you were so afraid of.

It's a feat that I ever left.
What was it you said, my dear?
Oh, and who am I?

You're a child
In the way I have to swat your hand away
I tell you:
Stop! Keep your hands to yourself!
You continue reaching
And I would kindly have at you with a belt
"I'm over him," you said.

If I chance to leave this bed,
I shall have my way.
You laugh at me and kiss my head;
Thus I dare to stay.

The* day I decided I loved you
We basked in the sun's rays
Now you're gone
And your love has grown dim
So I wait, rain and shine
For the day that you speak to me.
The moon's cycle is anew,
And you are still gone
The sky is black with my heartache
I'd die for you
I won't lie
I loved you,
After I left him
And I knew you were perfect because
He was everything you are not
I chose you, but you didn't care,
I love you,
Please choose me *back

I was so very almost
Clean of you
Until I picked up the phone
And in seven small digits
Threw all that in the gutter.

We're just kids
And this love is somehow invalidated by
Age and naïveté
But all this nothing
Is worth more than
So many somethings.

See you then.

i have not ever loved in this capacity.
if only it could mean something-
anything
to you.
two years ago, alone,
quiet and meek and afraid
i would not have known the difference,
whether you were to stay or go
or whether i were to stay or go

now, in passing, i see your once-kind eyes
as non-newtonian oceans,
and you do not fear tomorrow without me

but my love, i can not face my tomorrow without you.

You were kind and gave me kisses
And held my hand, and called me sweet,
But now your voice simply dismisses
My heart, now dirtied with defeat.

How could you feel sad, I wonder
With a crown of leaves upon your head?
And with fresh softness in your voice,
I wonder why you wish for death.

There you sit, perched carefully
With vine leaves in your hair
And linger with your touch, and grin
And when I stop to smile, stare.

Who is it that's hurting you,
I want to ask, but don't.
I'd like to give you happiness
If you'd let me, but you won't.

Let him hold me, who is tall
And bids my heart be new-
No, I don't want him at all;
For he is not a thing like you!

I watch the rain as it patters against the window.
It reminds me of you,
Loud and unsettling.

You take my hand and I adjust your tie;
A feat of symbiosis.

I whisper,
"Thank you."
But I know that I am not welcome.

Your eyes slide down my cheeks
Following the blue trails of my tears.
You whisper,
"I'm sorry."

Forgiveness is anything but subjective.

Hot as fire your tempers rage,
Cold, the song you sung
As you move and as you age
I hope from Hell your heart is sprung.

You were blessed with epigrams and sweetly dying sighs;
I was given silence and a thousand little lies.

I am young and moving on- "if looking liking move"-
And, if I find another one, he'll likely be like you.

and quietly I asked
for just "a favor"
with my arms, before consent,
finding you.

what was broken isn't just
fixed like that
with a little hug or
a few little words
but I like to think
that we've found a frame
for the shattered glass pieces of us

I know the rain is flattening
Still, I discard my umbrella.
       I am weathered by the stones that you send my way
You're a chip in my porcelain skin.
I played guitar so long that my fingers are calloused
Pressing my fingers to tough strings leaves my hands burning
       I don't know what I'm trying to say;
My tears taste like the ocean.

You told me I was growing on you
(like vines on an
unmarked grave)
And that you cared about me
(like a lover,
or am I reading too deeply?)

I never told you anything
(obscured myself
in case you caught wind of these truths)
And now I regret the silence
(said a god to his wife
because he hated her laugh)

I have breathed sighs the colour of your eyes;
Spoken words that felt like the worn cotton threads of your shirt;
Slid my hands across shelves sharp as the straight line of your jaw;

My fingers, stiff as steel, are colder than the way my name slides off your tongue.

I love the way
You can sense the rain in the atmosphere
Based on the touch of my hand.

I love the way
You read my lips so fluently
Because you're the same, at heart.

I love the way
Your eyes glow a vibrant blue
When you tell me about the things you love.

I love the way
You look at me
When I'm too scared to look back.