after her i thought
maybe i am
a “real” lesbian
because when i was searching
for someone new
i kept finding myself
wanting to be
in a girls arms
but that is not because
i am a lesbian
it is because
through all of my searching
i still think
i was looking for her
so when i ended up
with a boys hand
tangled in mine
his lips pressed gently
and then not so gently
against mine
i knew that
i had been looking
for her
but now
i am just looking
for me

I am fire in a lake
I am ice in the sun
I am everything
And nothing
All at once.
I am nothing more than
A girl in the crowd
Nothing more than
A bag of skin,
Blood
And bones
Beneath the clouds.
I live several versions of myself
I am a friend
A sister
A daughter
I am me.